I've blogged a lot about my frustration with DH and is permissiveness with SS11. Things bug him or there are problematic behaviors, but he can't be bothered to do much about it because he doesn't want to have to deal with SS getting emotional or being difficult. This, in turn, just drives me nuts, though I've been working on distancing myself emotionally and making progress.

BM continues to spoil SS to within an inch of his life and expects little if anything of him. Even homework. DH stays on top of it. BM will just take SS at his word that he's done it, even though he has lied about that multiple times over the last couple of years. (Next year he starts middle school and will be in an honors class where the teacher not only keeps up with their grades and projects, but holds them accountable. At least it won't all be on DH.)

Anyway, one of our big rules is no food or drink in his room. Back when he was allowed, he would leave empty containers, used dishes, etc., and wouldn't clean up any spills. He did the same at BM's and she ended up having to call in pest control because of the bugs. We. He's allowed snacks, he just has to have them in the kitchen or living room.

After SS went back to BM's, DH went in SS's room and found: an empty jar of peanut butter, three pb-coated spoons, wrappers, boxes, food remnants. The door to the attic is in SS's room and he had put his trash can (which also had evidence) in the attic. DH had told SS to make sure his room was clean before leaving. Looks like a tornado hit it. He brought his laundry down the day before leaving, but there are still clothes all over the floor. There was also a pile of wet towels, though DH has taught him how to hang up a used towel in the bathroom and reinforced it.

Basically, SS has been standing there and nodding, then doing whatever the heck he wants.

Not surprising to me at all, he's been trained his whole life to believe there are no negative consequences and nothing is more important than what he wants.

After all this, DH had to meet BM at the post office to sign a form so SS can get a passport (her parents are taking the family out of the country this summer). According to DH, SS was rude, put-out, disdainful towards DH and BM. I've witnessed troubling behavior from SS to BM as well.

So, DH was livid. Says electronics will be confiscated when he comes back. A lock is going on the pantry. DH was going to take SS on a trip this summer, but he's now thinking no.

I'm just watching it all and hoping DH actually follows through and finally gives SS some consequences because I have seen nothing to indicate this kid is going to grow into someone I or anyone else wants to be around. But I can't say I'm very optimistic...