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Hastings's Blog

Holiday break

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Well, I had a nice Thanksgiving this year -- alone. It was DH's year to have SS13. Since he wasn't able to take him on a trip earlier this year, he took him on a week-long cruise. I didn't go due to work commitments and difficulties getting a dog sitter, but, honestly, I'm happy this way. I get the house to myself. And I don't have to spend a week sharing a cabin and bathroom with a surly teen boy. Win for me!

“Sick” again — some more

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Two weeks ago, SS13 went home from school Wednesday because he "threw up." Was perfectly fine on Thursday (district policy is he couldn't come back the next day). Friday morning, like clockwork, he told BM he threw up, so she kept him home again.

SS has acid reflux and has had it since he was 6. It causes him to spit up sometimes, but not outright vomiting. He also has a prescription, which he hasn't taken in months.

Pay for grades?

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So, today DH found out BM and her parents have been paying SS for grades. She pays him for As and Bs, then they double it. DH says his parents paid him for grades and said maybe we should be doing that and also paying him for any chores. (Chores consist of putting his laundry away and rinsing off dinner dishes. That's it.)

Oh well, what can you do?

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So SS13 missed another three days of school this week due to illness. He supposedly threw up at school, so BM picked him up. He had to miss Thursday because the district rule is if you throw up, you can't come back the next day. Friday morning, guess what happened? He got sick again. Apparently spent the day on his PS5 until she made him check assignments. Lounging around, snacking, etc.

SS has acid reflux that causes him to spit up occasionally. He has medication to keep it under control.

DH, who is out of town, asked BM: Has he been taking his medication?

Hygiene — this shouldn’t be a problem, right?

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The summer has been going well so far. No more good in the room (I suspect DH finally found the right sensitive spot by taking away gym visits with BM). SS13 is here pretty much all day, but is in his room, so we rarely see him. Still, I'm keeping track of how long until school starts. Only two more weeks with us.

Really wish DH would drop the family thing

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SS13's lack of relationship with my family continues to bother DH. SS didn't want to go to the last family birthday dinner and pretty much told DH he doesn't want to go to stuff going forward.

I don't see this as a huge deal. He's 13. The other kids are all girls (except my 19-year-old nephew). He doesn't know anyone all that well. Kids that age don't necessarily love spending time with aunts, uncles and cousins they are close to, let alone the bio family of the stepmother they only tolerate.

Who can’t handle what?

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The other day, I was thinking about something DH said to me several years ago:

"I don't think you're able to handle being a stepmother -- being married to someone with a child that isn't yours."

That was in the days when he was more hung up on the happy family vision -- one he finally dropped.

For some reason, it popped back into my head. The truth is for me (and probably many of you), it's not that I can't handle being a step. It's that DH couldn't handle being married to someone who isn't his child's mother.

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