There are so many SMs who are struggling to find answers to their SD dilemmas. This torn situation has sucked the energy out of me and at times made me question myself. Blended families are difficult. It's like stone soup...there can be great ingredients, but when you throw in “spoiled” ones and “bitter” ones...the soup might not be worth savoring.

I am not an easily manipulated person. However, I've spent decades contending with and changing my “enabler” behavior. Over this last year, my mind started connecting the dots on the big picture of my SD and her BM. I am seriously mind-blown by my own naivety! Since the beginning of my relationship with DH (5 years), these two have been artfully weaving a complicit plan meant to secure a lifetime of enmeshment, emotional control and financial vampirism over DH. DH too did not recognize that his own behaviors helped to create and substantiate the dysfunction -he's quite aware now.

Maybe it was the recent full moon, but my brain was skimming so many instances that I overlooked these last years. Perhaps, I also wanted to see the upside and the good in SD. And, DH was always saying generic marshmallow idealisms like, “she has a loving heart and I know it will shine through.” Let's just say that DH and I were both in the delusional drift boat hoping to see land. It's going to be a cold day in hell before any ray of light makes it through the opaque-hearted, queens of envy. What blows my own mind is that I did not listen to and follow through on what my instinct/intuition were screaming since the onset of the relationship with DH. Nearly every behavior of SD and BM over these past years were manipulative string-alongs to keep power over DH.

I've read several blogs on this site and I just want to say to SMs out there to stick to your guns, particularly if your gut is telling you...”this does not feel right!” There are many on this site who want to believe the best is possible through love. (I am an idealist too.) All I know is that I can change me, but never anyone else. The bitter BM's and SD's have to deal with their own demons and it takes willingness to do the inner work. Unfortunately, it's much easier for these females to transfer and project their issues onto SMs rather than to take a good, long look at themselves.

SD is bitter BM's mini-me and it took years for truth to surface. Her passive-aggressive, float-some tactics surfaced like a hungry shark last summer. She was so sure that daddy would do her bidding. Unfortunately for her, she cut her own throat with the bs blade. DH is no dummy, but he's quite kind-hearted and spent years being manipulated by BM and SD so it took him a while to detach from the web of emotional enmeshment.

Not playing victim here, but I am so weary of being the target of their jealousy, competition, gossipy cattiness, hate and all those nasty, negative emotions. Why? I figure it's because I'm a reflection of what BM and SD are NOT. DH and I are happy. We are consciously creating a good, authentic and honest relationship and will not repeat our past. DH absolutely supports me and has outright verbalized this. Nothing has fueled the fire of hatred more than DH's audacity to speak the words...”J is my partner and my priority” to SD.

I'm feeling pretty good right now about where DH and I are on this (we've disengaged from SD for now), but I have a gut feeling that “WINTER IS COMING” if you know what I mean. SD and BM are likely looking for new emotional weapons to wield. I'd like to hear some positive stories of women who have weathered the test of time. Any advice?  SD and BM are very manipulative passive-aggressives whereas I'm am a shoot from the hip type.