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Over-praise

HeatherM's picture

Submitted by HeatherM on Tue, 10/19/2010 - 8:46am

The last few weeks with my SS 9 has been hell. He's been lying, stealing food (we've now locked the pantry and the fridge), peeing his pants all the time, non-empathetic about everything, etc etc.. what else is new... now however his parents have decided that because he does so many 'bad' things all the time, they are going to praise him for the good things. Sounds reasonable.. however they are over praising everything... "Thank you for saying please", "Thank you for wiping you bum", "Thank you for not stealing food", "Thank you for doing your homework", etc etc etc. I get the whole praise thing...the whole reverse psychology... but they are praising him for things that I would praise my 2 year old for (for the most part)..and I think over praise is wrong. I think too that he's smart enough he's wondering "Wow, I don't really have to do anything, and I get praised for it"... I'm from the school of hard knocks... and maybe it's wrong..but when 'my' kids do something that is expected of them...they are not praised for it. Homework for example, or my god...wiping your butt! I thought (in a cynical way) to myself last night..how funny it would be if I started praising my 14 year old for wiping his butt, and washing his hands after he used the bathroom?! My son would probably think I was on crack...but I'm tempted to... for what reason I don't know. Anyways.... anyone have this experience where DH or BM over praise their kids for everything? What do you think about it? Am I wrong? Or is over praise an accepted practice, and I'm not up to speed?

Comments

PoisonApples's picture

Submitted by PoisonApples on Tue, 10/19/2010 - 9:27am

yuk

I trained in the Montessori method and I believe in it 99%. One of the principles is that you should not praise a child for doing normal things.

Among the reasons are that they should get self-satisfaction from doing things rather than relying on outside praise. By getting their sense of accomplishment from within themselves, they will gain in self-confidence and independence. Also things like saying please, wiping their bum, etc are the minimum EXPECTED behaviours and not something deserving of praise. Praise should be reserved for extraordinary accomplishments above and beyond the lowest common denominator.

I also feel that way when parents praise every scribble as if it were a masterpiece that should be hanging in the Louve.

Ingrid's picture

Submitted by Ingrid on Tue, 10/19/2010 - 9:15am

I agree with PoisonApples. Somethings are just a "have to."

You said the kid is 9? Maybe they should get him some therapy.

HeatherM's picture

Submitted by HeatherM on Tue, 10/19/2010 - 9:22am

Thanks PA I agree with the Montessori methods as well... and that is how I raised my 14 year old, and how I'm raising my 2 year old. I think it makes them more confident people. Praising for expected behaviours somehow diminishes a childs self confidence.

Ingrid, he's been to therapy. The psychologist thinks there is nothing wrong with him. I think he's a sociopath... he's going back to therapy (apparantly - we will see)