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OT- Article for Chmmy and others (including myself) waiting to "get their ducks in a row"

hereiam's picture

It's funny how articles or other signs show up at the right time.

This showed up on my home page this morning from TED Ideas.

What is one goal you wish you could accomplish? Chances are, you have no problem naming it, so what holds you back from achieving it?

Life has a nasty habit of interrupting the best-laid plans, but more often than not, it’s our own minds that get in the way of our goals. We make a litany of excuses for why those goals don’t get checked off our lists, and we become our own worst enemies.

Let this be the end of all that.

Here are a few suggestions — and a dose of tough love — to help you reach your goals.

1. Define your fears instead of your goals.

Think about what you’re putting off for the “right moment.” What holds you back? What are you afraid of? Write down the worst things that might happen if you fail, suggests investor and author Tim Ferriss. Then think about what you’ll do if they happen and how you could prevent them.

Tim calls this “fear-setting,” a practice that can help you break the cycle of self-paralysis. “I can trace all of my biggest wins and biggest disasters averted to fear-setting,” he says.

2. Banish the word “fine.”

Why are your goals on the back burner? Maybe because of the F-word: “fine,” says motivational speaker Mel Robbins. That dirty word lulls you thinking that subpar situations — feeling unfulfilled at work, carrying an extra 50 pounds, having a ho-hum relationship — are good enough that you can put off the effort to change them.

Consider this your wake-up call: it’s time to stop settling for “fine” and set your sights on “good” or “great” instead.

3. Approach your obstacles with curiosity.

You may find yourself sidetracked at times by a little voice that asks, “Wouldn’t it be more fun to watch Netflix for the next six hours?” That’s not a feeling to fight — it’s a feeling to examine. Curiosity is your best weapon against distraction, says psychiatrist Judson Brewer.

When you find yourself procrastinating, look at what’s going on in your mind. Are you bored? Scared? Frustrated? That insight can help you figure out what you need to resolve to get back on track.

4. Embrace your near wins.

Behind every triumph, there are countless near wins — those times when you come close to success but don’t quite get there. Those are valuable, says historian Sarah Lewis. They show you what worked and what you can improve, and they give you a chance to iterate.

“Mastery is not a commitment to a goal but to a constant pursuit,” she says. By embracing your near wins, you can push yourself to attain more than you ever imagined.

Who else can relate to that word "fine"? Or "okay". Or the phrase, "it'll do for now".

Comments

ITB2012's picture

It's small. I want to get back to exercising in the morning instead of at night. I haven't been able to get myself to do it. It's "fine" because I still exercise. And at night I want a little quiet time so I stay up a bit too late. I keep telling myself I will have quiet time in the evening when I would have been exercising. Hasn't worked. 

Chmmy's picture

I would like to be the person that DH fell in love with. Not for him, I liked myself a lot more back then. I was kind, hardworking, independent, loved to work out and be social. Now I am bitter and angry. I don't have a job or really any purpose except my writing, I ran today 1.5 mile jog and 1.5 mile walk. That was nice but my gym closed(covid) and I don't have motivation to work out much on my own. Covid took my ability to go out with friends too but I was becoming quite a hermit anyways. I don't take much time for my appearance. I dress frumpy, I wear little to no make up, sometimes I don't even shower. A couple times this week, I dressed a little nicer and put on light makeup. Going for a run was a good start too. I was awesome in so many ways 5 years ago. I did a lot in my community. I knew so many people from doing volunteer work and I worked at the school. I allowed this relationship and this household to suck the life out of me. My goal is to like myself again and become the things that I once was.

JRI's picture

When I find myself not doing my hair or makeup and feeling frumpy, that is a sign of depression in myself.  Do you feel that way?  I worry about you.

Chmmy's picture

I ran in the rain yesterday, one of my favorite things to do when I was an avid runner. I walked in a field today and enjoyed the sun and took pictures of flowers and listened to a podcast about how nutrition and stress affect your health. I am not who I was 5 years ago and going out the last 2 days helped me to find her a little. I have holed myself up in my room for too long. It was partly Covid quarantine but also I was feeling frumpy and hding out in my room too much before that. It just exasperated the problem to have the kids home and not in school, I didn't work for 3 months and there wasn't much to do especially because all of my work out classes were canceied. I was starting to worry about me too. I started seeing my girlfriend again and Ive been keeping her dog with me because she had surgery on her hand and struggles with having 2 dogs so I take the puppy who is a pain in the butt but I enjoy her. In many ways I have brought this on myself with my negativity but that was not the person I was 5 years ago. This place has sucked the life out of me and the past week I am trying to get it back.

JRI's picture

Now that Im retired, I'm realizing all the things I was too busy to do for years.  We had the 5 kids, I worked for 33 years and got my degree at night school which took 10 years.  Now I'm catching up.  I'm listening to music from the 70s (Jeff Beck) and wondering, where was I?  I'm watching movies from years ago and wondering, why didn't I see this? I'm cooking great things (gourmet Italian) and thinking, why didn't I make this earlier?  I guess I let my family life and career consume me.  It's so, so easy to do with a problematic stepfamily.