Don’t do anything for his kids and let him do everything for your kids. You go and put your feet up and have an ice cold iced tea on the deck. You don’t want BMs role anyway. Enjoy 

I get it. It feels unfair and hurtful because you want that relationship 

Yep. Good old sexist stereotypes at play. 

Stepdad “stepped up” to take care of another man’s responsibility. Stepdad is savior and warrior for BM and skids. 

Stepmom is a interloper who is trying to steal daddy away from his rightful heirs and take all his $$$. 

Nevermind that in 40% of households now the woman is the higher earner...and in 90% of households, both partners bring in an income. 

And nevermind that, in a great number of blended family situations, the dad is paying out so much in CS and extras that SM is significantly subsidizing HIS responsibilities (meanwhile, stepdad gets to enjoy a boost to his household income).

And nevermind that women tend to be much better at communication and nourishing and facilitating relationships than men...so many stepmoms find themselves in the position of helping their DHs maintain a relationship with children who openly disrespect and despise them...all while the BM does everything in her power to PAS the kids against their own dad. 

Nope. Don’t worry about all the data and studies. Stepmoms are just horrible usurpers trying to get in between kids and dadddeeee!!!

How often did you and Dad have the child with you in your home during the years BM lived in a different state/s? 

Even with ten years in, in some cases it is still possible with the stepparent who has only two years in to have spent much more time with the child the the one with ten years in. No, that's no excuse for what you say , such as the SF taking ownership. What's up with "ownership"? 

Stepping on Mom's toes or at least BM believing a stepmom is, can be pretty touchy for a mother. There are plenty of blogs and forum postings here about taking daughters to get hair done, buying first bra (bras, period), or anything 'girly' with the stepchild.... GUBMs believe those areas all belong solely to the mother, lol.  Where sometimes with boys , it's touchy if SF is taking the male stepkids hunting or being their volunteer baseball coach.

So what was your grand offense you dared to do/try to do that sent BM over the edge? Dare to paint her finger nails? Buy her a cute outfit for school?  (how dare you!!!!) 

Hey also never mind if the BM has not been in the picture for going on 7 years and kids has no memories you will still be wrong as a SM to want to adopt and secure a good life for the kid. Never say you want to terminate a BM's right even thought the kid has no memory or idea who she really his. Hell she did push the kid out of her golden area.

But now if a man wants to adopt and step and be the dad and go for termination of parental rights he is the hero and amazing person. He is applauded for taking on another man's child and put on the high pedestal for being the most amazing person in the world. Should a woman try no she is overstepping and wrong.

Welcome to the world of being the horrible, evil, crooked nose stepmom. Not only in the BM's eyes but pretty much society. I think people can not imaging why, a woman who carried a child for months, felt them kick, felt them grow, and all that stuff, would not be able to bond with that child and love them and be there for them. I think most people can not understand how a woman can take care of a child that is not theirs and love them like a their own. Hey lets face it she can just have her own why does she need another person's kid.

People are narrow minded still to this day. Think that BM's rule and SM's are just the worst thing that ever happened to a kid.

I ignore the wh0re. She can say whatever she likes. I'm not going to change my morals and start sucking just because she's throwing yet another tantrum. She's nothing but a spoiled brat and it reflects in her behavior. I refuse to stoop to that level just to appease her.

I live that. DH and I have been together for 8 years. BioHo married Mr. Pinhead 2 years ago (they lived together for 1.5 years before that). I think it's because the skids (except SD25) all live with 'Ho and Pinhead and THAT is why. Well, SS19 hasn't lived there for a year now. Anyhoo, DH is certainly not an absent father, but the skids spend more time around Pinhead than they do me. And I'm perfectly okay with that!!!

I NEVER tried to take on a "mom" role. I was always "DH's wife". I disengaged 3 years ago and started making myself scarce on skid weekends. In fact, if I only have to see the SDs at Christmas, that's already too much time around the beeyotches. The SDs and 'Ho can claim all they want that I tried to "take away" BioHo's role. HA! The VERY LAST THING I want is for anyone to think I'm willing to be a "mother" like THAT skank. Especially to a pair of twunty beeyotches and a nasty pigpen of a boy. Blech.

Sure. But most of the time it is usually the BM's doing all the Stepdad bragging though. I have noticed he is projected as a hero and I am the villiam but that is based off of her storyline. In reality, BM's fiance doesn't really interact with SS a whole lot. SS has asked me to help him get rid of stepdad and is absolutely set that he will not let BM marry him, but when I ask "why" all SS can say is that he just doesn't like Fiance. Fiance is most likely a normal guy trying to find common ground with a kid he has no part in raising both because SS lives primarily with us and secondly because BM doesn't allow him to tell her kids what to do in any way. To BM's other Spawn he is the world's greatest stepdad and they both frequently post pictures of stepdad with Spawn with captions saying such. It is interesting. Personally I think it is because women often make more out of things than reality whether it be their own insecurity or manifesting this Pixar Perfect father-son bond. 

especially the "Yes Ma'am" walking ATM types get the patented:  "BM STAMP OF APPROVAL" on their forehead for all the skids to see.   There is no such thing with a stepMOM.

I hear you! My SD's step dad can do no wrong, apparently. BM wants SD to call him "dad' (and she very well may be doing it already). He's allowed to be involved, he loves SD "more than anything", he "does so much" for SD, etc. She credits him with SD's material items even though my husband pays $1500/month in CS.

But then I'm apparently "too involved". Years ago, BM told my husband that SD is not part of my family and that I was to go and have my own family and leave hers alone. After I did go and have my own family, then BM sent years of documentation to her lawyer in an attempt to prove that I wasn't involved ENOUGH. I don't know what this woman wants from me. I just know whatever I do will be wrong in her mind. Meanwhile I'm paying the mortage on a $500,000 house on a lake for SD to live in part time. I feed her, I clothe her, I spend time with her, etc.