I need strength to not start a riot at the DH's dad's funeral tomorrow...DH's ex-MIL!!!
I am livid. I hate DH's sister and yet out of respect, I went to DH's dad's wake today. I knew of course she would be there. Believe me when I say that she is the most evil witch I have ever met and has done so many things to me, my son and our family, that I have ZERO relationship with her. Heck, my son has no clue that witch is his aunt...
But today I told DH as we drove to the wake "how do you want me to handle your sister? You know that she IS the type that if I say hi or offer my condolences she WILL make a scene in front of people"...of course, being the AHOLE he is, although he claims he has changed, although he no longer talks to her, although he KNOWS all the shit that witch has put me through he says to me "if you see her, say hi and offer condolences...it is the right thing to do..." So, I am a wreck driving there but promise to be polite for the sake of the fucking wake...and his now deceased father. Sure as shit, I get there and as soon as we are in front of the casket, she runs out of the room like a mad woman...like she has just seen the devil...lol...I had not even seen her yet...her daughter of course has this "f#$%ck you bitch" look the whole time as well. Thankfully, that takes care of that and I don't have to bother saying hi to them.
As the afternoon goes by one of DH's aunts comes to say hi with another woman. Honestly, I don't see these people very much so I really didn't know who she was...but she came nicely to say hi and DH immediately got up and was very polite to both, gave them a kiss, etc...of course, I did the same...heck, I wasn't sure who they were...So after about 10 minutes a lightbulb goes on in my head! "WTF this is BM"s MOTHER with DH's aunt...no wonder I don't remember DH's aunt because anytime I heard she was around, I would say hi quickly and leave knowing that she is BM's mother's best friend". So I tell DH..."that was your freaking ex's MOTHER wasn't it"...he said yes...OMFG I almost lost it! I told him "Nice move to not warn me, you KNEW who she was and thought you wouldn't say anything in the hopes that I would not remember the witch"...His reply? "well, I just wanted you to be as classy as always and say hi"...FUC#$%CK you DH...sorry, i am tired of your BS about me being classy...FU#$%ck you! Tell those idiots, including your sister to have some class...you have constantly allowed them to treat me like shit and then want me to "be classy"...fuck#$% you DH, no, you have not changed one bit.
Tomorrow is the funeral, at this point I am FUCKING LIVID! I dont' even want to show up. Of course, if I don't, I am the bad one...honestly, I am worn out...AHOLE! Funny, now if he meets ANYONE I know from the past, EVEN if a FRIEND, NEVER a boyfriend, he is as fucking cold as ICE to them...FUCK#$% you ahole DH...Honestly, I am worn out.
The ONLY positive thing here is that I will NEVER have to see DH's mother for the rest of my life...next time I see that witch will be because she TOO is in a casket...the ONLY reason I continued to see her every 6 mos or so was because of DH's Dad, otherwise, I would have never seen her again...so, WOHOO! No more MIL for the rest of my life...if DH doesn't like it, good! Take a hike ahole!
Sorry for all the bad words, but I am livid...thanks for letting me vent.
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I want to support you, I
I want to support you, I really do... but it's your DHs dads funeral ffs.
Let it go. Be classy like he asked and expects.
Go off next week when he's had some time to mourn.
Til then, go or don't go to the funeral, but if you do go, don't make yourself out to be the freakin victim here. And if you don't go, don't make yourself out to be the victim either.
His dad died for gods sake. let him have that. and as much as you hate it... let his sister have that too.
Be the classy one and walk away from any drama. they get one funeral for their dad their whole life. and they'll never forget it. don't try to be all they remember about it, that'll bite ya.
You knew going in there'd be people from his past attending, right? big whoop it's bms mother. our bm has a huge family and we live in a small town so everywhere we go there's someone who knows their family or is part of it. don't let that shit own you .
I understand your view. I
I understand your view. I guess it would be MUCH easier if this was a ONE time event...yes, his dad dying is a one time event, however, this is the SAME bullshit my DH has pulled on me for the last 13 fucking years. Everytime there is some excuse. Always an excuse. Regardless of the occasion or non-occasion...Thus you would think that he would at least say "honey, no worries, just don't cause a scene, if they say hi say hi, if not, just sit and relax"...Sorry, believe me I get it and I was polite, etc...but unfortunately this has been DH's fucking view ALL our life together. Fuck, he didn't even ask his bitch mother to be polite to me when I had just given birth and she was at my fucking house, at MY fucking expense within 2 days after me giving birth. The bitch caused a scene, DH did NOTHING and NEVER asked that bitch to say she was sorry but instead asked ME to fucking forgive her. Again, believe me I understand this is his dad's funeral (by the way, DH hasn't fucking shed a tear neither has fucking MIL...heck, the bitch was laughing last night talking about who would get the old man's fake teeth)...
I am trying my hardest and will give this to him, but honestly, I think at this point, it's too late. Maybe he should have saved the "be polite" for shit like this instead of always expecting ME to be polite, even if these whores were at MY FUCKING HOUSE and treated me like shit...
PS - want to talk about fucking VICTIM? DH's MOTHER had a fucking mask on at the funeral home...she has a liver transplant last year and she claims she MUST wear a mask to funeral homes lol So she didn't even sit anywhere near the first row, it was her FUCKING HUSBAND for God's sake...the one who took care of her 3 fucking kids and then the other she had with him...Mind you, no, she doesn't give a rat's ass about her health because she was told not to eat rice or bread and ate a HUGE SUBWAY footlong yesterday...and eats rice every fucking day...but, no, she had to wear a fucking mask to the funeral home and sit in the last row so that people would ask HER about her fucking mask...
PS - please, understand that I am NOT angry at you or your opinion, I get it...I really do...I am just livid at this bullshit
I hear ya, I do. My FILs
I hear ya, I do.
My FILs funeral last year was terribly hard and my skids took the opportunity to be complete assholes. even wrote a letter to several family members demanding they acknowledge one of their spouses who wasn't listed in the obit... smiling and keeping it classy was the best thing i could do for dh and his family. my own kids were very close to dhs dad and considered him a grandfather. fil wrote his own obit and left the nasty spouse of his *real* granddaughter out of it on purpose, he wanted nothing to do with the jackass who caused such friction between his gdaughter and his son.
end of the day, i've heard nothing but kindness from dhs family for handling it all with dh best interest in mind.
that said, i'd likely feel very differently if i'd been through the ringer like you have with those set ups and dealing with the crap skids and bms dish out.
I got so lucky that dh came around a couple years ago and chose 'the rest of his happy life' over the 'begining of his lonliness'.
blessed.
good luck. i'll think of you!!
Tell your DJ that if he
Tell your DJ that if he expects you to support him in his time of need (dad is dead) then he needs to be supportive of you too. Which means worming you when IBM's mom is there or introducing you to people. He needs to help you be classy. If he can't or wont then stay home. His choice.
That also includes defusing his sister any family member that will start shit.
That's a lot of drama for one
That's a lot of drama for one wake. I'm really sorry you had such a stressful day, but if you don't calm down you're going to have your blood pressure explode. These people aren't worth your health.
Who cares how much attention MIL managed to shine on herself. If she wants to wear a mask, sit in the backrow and stuff rice in her face, it's nothing to you. SIL ran out of room as you got to casket? Who cares...it's her that looked like the silly goose. You said or did nothing at wake to cause this action. Surely she knew you'd come with DH to his father's wake. I would imagine she managed to reenter after you moved on from the casket. She's as much of a drama queen as MIL is. Again, she's the one who looked the crazy lady.
You all don't have to like each other. I understand there's a lot of past hurtful mean things over the years, but you knew they'd all be there. This day was about DH's father. Don't give these people so much space in your head. You've got one more afternoon to go (the funeral) and you're totally done and free of these people. Keep that in mind. Just a few more hours. Hang on to that thought. And if you really can't handle one more day, it's ok to stay home. You paid your respects to DH's father. You held yourself together in honor of and in respect for FIL at wake. Your respect duty is complete enough if you do decide to sit the funeral out. If you do go, smile to yourself with the thought of 'last time ever b*tches, I never have to ever see you again' (h*ll that in itself should be cause for celebration
Although a different issue
Although a different issue all together, believe me I hear you...sigh. I do understand what you are saying, but unfortunately there are many issues here and things are never as simple as they appear. Know that I am working through these issues of anger, i.e. he's an ahole and trying to figure those things out as well. I do understand that it seems crazy...maybe that is why I am so stressed out too...sigh
This whole situation sucks
This whole situation sucks and I know it's extremely difficult esp at an emotionally charged event like a funeral. I totally understand why you are livid. IF you go to the funeral don't look at SIL or her kid if she's looking at you giving you the stink eye. IF you have to ignore DH, keep words to a minimum. Hold your head high and sit through the service to be there for FIL and DH as his wife. It will be a service so there won't be as much time to mingle as there was for the wake and for people to walk around and visit. Run like hell after right to the bar and have a drink.
Good luck- I HATE these situations