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OT-is it just mine or are all men this way?

herewegoagain's picture

Difference and what never seems to truly move forward...

1. your mother, your ex, your sister treat me like crap, you don't defend me but it's not because you don't love me...it's because you hate problems.
2. you talk to an ex-girlfriend at a club for over 30 minutes while I wait seated, expect me to allow you to dance with your ex's sister while I sit, although they are together, have your ex-girlfriend at your house or sisters and you are outside talking to her alone when I drive up, you have a co-worker female slap your butt in front of my face, the face of all our friends, in my house, while you I am 8 mos pregnant...BUT two minutes after all these things happen, "they are in the past"...and a week later "they are in the past, even with no I'm sorry from you"...BUT I talk to a friend, that was always just my friend and you are threatened...even though it's in front of your face, even though he introduced himself, even though nobody has ever seen me with this guy, never at my house, etc...but 12 yrs later, you still fume thinking about it?
3. you have lied about everything from where you were at to giving money to others and yet, once CAUGHT I only got an "I'll never do it again" and two days later I got "it's over, it's done...move on...that's in the past" BUT I lie to you ONE TIME, ONE TIME, ONE TIME in 12 yrs (because well, us ASPIE girls can't deal with lies and aren't very good at it) and two weeks later "but it still hurts, I don't trust you, you are lying, you are this, you are that...this is the present because I AM STILL DEALING WITH THE HURT..." but MY hurt was irrelevant and considered in the past within 20 minutes of it occurring...

I don't get it. I just don't get it. So much more is going on...but I just don't get it.

Comments

CrazyCubanStepMOM's picture

Sorry to hear that. Put your foot down and tell him how you feel. If you are still pregnant even better. No better time to get things off your chest then when you are pregnant. You will be able to move on easier when all has been said and done. And no not all men are the same. My husband is not like that. I would not be with him if he was. Good luck.

hismineandours's picture

My dh has the "It's in the past" problem. Dh will do something or ss will do something and I am not supposed to bring it up-Even if we never actually talk about the problem or resolve it in anyway-it's just done and over with.

alwaysanxious's picture

He sounds like he's 22. Too young and immature for a relationship right now. You need a nice older man who wants to settle down. SO gets reamed IF I catch a lie.

No butt slapping = I would have commented right on the spot to him and her.
Lies about where he is= that just means he is up to something. Otherwise, why lie?

I'm sorry you are going through this. He doesn't sound like he is ready to settle down.

herewegoagain's picture

I think he is by now. He is younger and I always said he was too young for me (3yrs), but really, I knew guys 10yrs ago that were moré mature. I try and try to resolve our issues, but really it just doesn't matter. For him everything is an excuse. I have no idea what he expects or how this will ever work unless we get a neutral 3rd party involved and I know he won't do that. When people aré so unwilling to see both their virtues & faults, they won't go to counseling...and if they daré, it's only to prove someone else has a problem. When they aré told otherwise, the relationship ends. Been there before. Ex told me he'd go to conseling to prove me wrong & crazy...3 mos later when the counselor picked by him said "your wife is mire than reasonable, you hace a deeper problem within you that we need to discuss", he left and never came back.

regmom's picture

Age could be a problem yes. They say women mature faster than men and even act older than men their age. But its still insensitive of him to act as if you dont exist. Talk to him and tell him all about it. Dont compare the relationship with the previous you can try counselling if it helps

herewegoagain's picture

I did comment about the butt slapping...it was in my house...he defended her.

Lies? Too many to count...always an excuse.

regmom's picture

You know mine is like yours. If his ex complained about me for no reason at all he would ask me about it and guesse what? He tells me he is going to talk to her.

Complain about his mom,sisters or ex hetell you not to be intimideted by anyting they do coz thats what they want or its my imagination.

regmom's picture

You know mine is like yours. If his ex complained about me for no reason at all he would ask me about it and guesse what? He tells me he is going to talk to her.

Complain about his mom,sisters or ex hetell you not to be intimideted by anyting they do coz thats what they want or its my imagination.

regmom's picture

You know mine is like yours. If his ex complained about me for no reason at all he would ask me about it and guesse what? He tells me he is going to talk to her.

Complain about his mom,sisters or ex hetell you not to be intimideted by anyting they do coz thats what they want or its my imagination.