I now tell them to f#$%#$% off. I also ask them if they love their nieces as nephews as much as they love their OWN bio kids. I also ask them if they love their friend's kids, just because they love their friends. Usually shuts them right up.

i've never had anyone say that to me, but i would ask them "so that must mean you absolutely adore your dh's mom, dad, brothers, sisters, friends, etc. absolutely everyone who was there before you?" because really, what the hell's the difference? if i marry fdh, i'm marrying HIM, not everyone he has ever had in his life.

I respect the comment that someone may come with 'baggage' and they want to make a right choice... not only for them but for the welfare and harmony of the kids. I accepted my partners similar comments, but I have standards and I feel I shouldn't have to lower my standards because it doesn't fit in with the schematics of the family. They should start living up to mine and stop being brattish delinquents imo... and SO seems to realise this as he tries to coax them over to rational thought.
How long I can hold on for before they 'grow up' is another story.

Package deals even let you down on holiday as it's "not what it said on the tin!". Just like when you get with someone and they say "I have lovely children yada yada!!" It's non sense! Of course you can love someone but you don't necessarily have to love their kids, family, friends etc!!!! I don't even like members of my own family and will have nothing to do with. You can chose your friends but you can't chose your family, as they say, but if you don't like your family then don't hang out with them. I think the people who have kids should take a more understanding view on how YOU (US!!!) feel

I just smile and say "Yes, if it only it were that simple" and change the subject. People who say that have never had stepkids and so you can't really fault them for being absolutely CLUELESS about the reality of life w/ stepkids. When they say stuff like "You knew he had kids" or whatever, i WANT to say "no #@%! Sherlock" but instead I just smile and try to be gracious They dont understand and I didnt either till i became a stepmom

I tell them they don't live in my home so they don't get a vote on the dynamics of my family. Then I mutter "asshats" under my breath.

I say--it's so much more emotionally complex than you would think. In a family, there shouldn't be favorites but with stepchildren you have to live everyday being the inferior parent (less loved, less respected) and compete with the skids natural tendency to try to push you out. It's tough for anyone.

I only complain about my skid to my close friends, so they don't judge me one bit for my feelings. Keeps it simple But, to answer the question what WOULD I say? Something to the effect that just because i'm in love with the DAD doesn't mean I have to be in love with the kid. I'd ask them how they think they'd feel if I just went into walmart and brought them home a strange kid and said "here, now love him/her and raise him/her as they were your own"? Think something like that might put it into perspective!

It's almost like when a woman misscarries and people say to them "well, you can have another baby". That happened to me and it was so infuriating. Yes, I had another one and two more after that, but I missed the baby I never had.

Well when you meet a guy you fall in love with him and then all of a sudden there are these strange eyes lookin at you and a big mouth you have to feed and stinky clothes we have to wash. Just yesterday I had all three of my kids here with me and then there was my ss15 who came downstairs a couple times to get a snack but he went back to his room to hide on his computer. I don;t blame him for not wanting to be part of this home and my family - quite frankyl I don't want him to be part of my family and he doesn't want me part of his.

I love my SO and we are going to get married and in our case THANK GOD the kids are 4 years away from all being gone.

The reaction I get if I ever tell someone I don't like my stepkids is usually exactly that... "You knew he had kids", "They are a package deal" and I felt I was CONSTANTLY defending myself. So I stopped saying it. I still feel if (if not worse.... now I dispise them) but I keep it to myself. I only let a small few know about that. My sisters understand because they see me cry about it time and time again. My older sister can almost relate as she watches a family friends mentally challenged daughter when they go away on holidays so I have something to compare my step kids to as it is the exact same complaints we have!! May seem harsh to compare my stepkids to a mentally challenged individual, but all I compare is the feelings we have for them... none of them have common sense so our complaints are close.

I don't want kids of my own and actually have no desire to ever be married to SO. Not sure if subconsiously I don't want to share the same last name as his ex and his kids or not... but it just all seems like such a hassle! We have the same rights and legalities as being married since we are common law anyway. Plus this makes getting away a lot easier if I ever have just too much.

The thought of leaving crosses my mind a few times a week at least. Not because of SO. Because of my hatred towards his kids. Generally I don't even call them my stepkids. They aren't. I have no part in raising them, so I have no problem not relating myself to them. They are SOs kids.

I have 10 more years until his kids are gone. I hope to heck they finally get enough friends in their home city that they don't want to come to our house every other weekend sometime soon!!! They don't have the same friends here so they are constantly complaining about being bored and always waiting for Dad to take them away to do something cool (and always expensive).

I didn't mean to turn this into my own rant.... guess I always do that on this site!!! It is unfair people that haven't walked in our shoes still choose to judge our journey.

Good luck!

Tasha,

I usually say something along the lines of "If you ever have stepkids yourself, you will understand".

"Those comments don't come out of the blue. They usually come sometime during a conversation on the subject of the stepchildren."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^EXACTLY^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

hence, i am selective on who i conversate with on such a subject

I just assume they aren't a step parent. I used to have to hear that crap from DH's family all the time. Whenever I'd mention taking my family to like the Oregon coast or somewhere, they'd be like "what about skids?" I'd reply "what about them?" Don't hear about it so much anymore, now that I have made my feelings clear.

Well I think its a load of crap, usually said by someone NOT in a similar situation, I have done everything for Sd6 and yet its still ok for her to treat me like shit and get away with it, perfect princess can do no wrong in Daddies eyes, It is a long and difficult process to first accept and then love someone elses child, I was a full time step mum in the past for 2 kids for 8 yrs, and yet accordinging to my now ex bf I know nothing about children, also according to him disrespect, a complete lack of manners and laziness and all qualities that are normal for children should have, thats why Im moving out tomorrow, phew sorry more venting needed there.

Funny thing, people who say this then spend time with SD16 usually shut up about it later.

I just ignore. I have no need to justify myself. I have in the past said, well SO's with me and doesn't mind my distance what does that say about him?