Standing Ground on Disengagement
I'm for once sticking my ground. I've disengaged with SD17 and I mean it this time. H is trying to get me to text her basic things that he is capable of telling her himself and I am refusing. It doesn't help that he expects me to put aside my hurt which is now turned into full on resentment and just act normal. Now, Im resenting him for forcing the issue and his response is "how do you expect me to fix it?" I've told him that it doesn't have to be fixed now. It is what it is. She can stay away from me and I'll stay away from her. He tries so hard to be the skids "friend" that he isn't a parent. Discipline and consequences for their bad behavior is nill. If they are grounded its for about a day and thats it. He cannot stand one of them being mad at him so I'm out. I just want to be his wife and that is all!
Has anyone out there beein in this situation and is it really possible to cut yourself away from a kid that is living with you full time? Will it work?
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STAND YOUR GROUND! The time
STAND YOUR GROUND! The time that he took to ask you to text SD about basic things he could have done himself. He's acting immature and is trying to convince you to do something you DO NOT want or need to do.
Continue to disengage and allow him to do ALL the parenting. He's using you as a shield and you know how that will end......You getting all the BS and he's still the good guy in the end. She's 17 you can disengage and yes it is possible if you make it so.
Remain strong and do what is in your best interest. Don't allow your H to make you think otherwise.
stand your ground!
There are more ways than ever to *not* communicate with your kid. You can text, voicemail, leave an old-fashioned note, send an email. Let him deal with her. Him making you the bad guy...shaking my head.
I never lived with my SD, so I can't give you advice on in-house disengagement. But I wouldn't let him force you to deal with her!
Stay strong and avoid toxic people.
He is telling your to care
He is telling your to care more than him. HA! Don't fall for that or any other learned helplessness game he plays on you.
No reason to get upset with him, just reply in a calm manner, (which will piss him off even more, ) remind him that you basically don't care ( but use better words)
Go on with your life as it makes you happy and fulfilled. If he wants to join you in that great but she isn't a part of it or your marriage anymore and that is what true disengagement is all about. Keeping the parenting seperate from the marriage.
You can tell him that because he shirked his responsiblity for parenting SD all these years and dumped it onto you, you are burned out being the bad guy and are done. Period, this is on HIM. He caused this outcome. He will test you until he gets it that your are not to be broken down anymore. Let's hope for your sake he's smart about this or you are in for a long ride with his refusal.
I found it easier to back off and them explain my motives rather than make a big pronoucement. Whatever works in your situation though.
Stay STRONG! It's a battle worth fighting.