You have a choice, do what is going to make you miserable OR figure out what's going to give you a good feeling for this holiday season. YOU, not everyone else. You are in charge of you. You are entitled to spend this time as YOU wish. Either they go along with what you've decided to do (if you choose to include them) or advise your DH of your plans and let them all eat hot shit if they don't like it.

I know holidays are generally considered to be time spent with family but it doesn't have to be the extended or blended family, it can just be you and your DH.

Years ago, I once suggested to DH that we spend Thanksgiving with just the two of us. We went out to eat, went to a movie, went bowling, then relaxed at home. He loved it. And I suggested it to get out going to MY family dinner but it worked all the way around.

One year, we stayed home and cooked Cornish hens and all the usual sides, for just the two of us. Rented some movies and gave thanks for each other.

Holidays should not be so stressful. I am stressed about Christmas because I don't want to do all of the gift exchanging. Except for the younger children, I would rather give the money to people who need it than buy gifts for adults.

I USED to enjoy the holidays before the blended family crap smacked me in the face...HARD. It's not just the skids either , they are older (youngest is 17 and we have the biggest issues) It's DH. He HAS to spend it with his kids bc he's never missed a holiday, which means we have to make our plans around his ex wives holiday plans so Dh can see his kids, mix my families holiday plans and everything is chaotic and its not enjoyable or relaxing (theres so much more it's just too much to type).
I flipped my shit last year and said I'm done. Either I get my quiet Christmas morning enjoying my child opening gifts or we are going to a hotel or I'm flying out of state to be with my family and DH can enjoy the chaos by himself. Done, done, done. His older kids and grandkids ALL spend the night Christmas eve to wake up Christmas morning rip through all the ridiculous amounts of gifts but everything had to be done by 8:30am bc one of the step- grandkids had to leave to her moms. F'ing ridiculous.
I will make the reservation and see if he follows through, I can always cancel it. I swear by God I'm not backing down. Sick of his ungrateful kids and grandkids ruining the holidays