I'm struggling....
I hate being a step mom. There I said it. Now I feel guilty. My SS is 11 and is not a horrible child, he is spoiled, a little passive agressive, lacks tons of self esteem but not an outright disrespectful child. I don't know what to do anymore...I can't help but compare his behaviour to my BD's. The relationship my BD (10) has with my SO is amazing, she really loves him and him her. She shows him affection, talks with him, likes spending time with him. All the things my SS does not do with me...I get Hi and Bye and the occasional question, I get nothing from this child. And we as (step) mom's know all the things we do for our children bio or step. And I know I am not alone in feeling very taken for granted by my SS. My SO sees this behaviour from his son to me and constantly says there is nothing he can do....is there?
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I think everyone on this site
I think everyone on this site knows exactly how you feel. Your SO really can't do much else, other than to encourage a relationship that is special between you and SS. How is his BM? Is the relationship between your SO and the BM decent? That seems to make a big difference. How much time does SS spend at your house? Is there anyway to do some one on one bonding with him? I am not saying to go crazy and shower him with presents, but maybe a little trip for ice cream just the 2 of you on occasion may help him trust that you are there and want to be a part of his life.
My DH says the same thing
My DH says the same thing about the behavior from his kids towards me... not outright rude, but passively so in the fact that they act as though I don't exist.
I have to agree with my DH -- if he mentions anything about it to them, they quietly delight in the fact that their behavior (ignoring me) is having an affect on me.
I told my DH not to pursue it any. I know he sees it, I know he doesn't like it because he wanted to really be a family. Maybe someday, if/when they grow up (they're mid-teens right now) they'll realize I'm really not as bad as they have made themselves (or someone else has made them) believe I am.
Honestly, I think I'd rather have them not speaking to me than have some of the other situations I read about on here...
You're right, complaining to
You're right, complaining to my SO just makes things crap between us, and maybe my SS likes that...never thought of that. Thanks, you've made me feel better.
The BM has issues, lots of
The BM has issues, lots of them. I am sure that may be a large part of the problem. BM sits home all day, bi-polar, fear of going alone anywhere etc. The relationship between SO and BM is very strained, it's a bit better in the last year or so but was very bad when they first split and I came into the picture. I have tried one on one time with my SS a few times, doesn't make a difference. My SO keeps saying it just him, it's who he is.
I am going through a very
I am going through a very similar situation. I have come to realize I can't make my skids like me but they do have to respect me. It is really hard to do all mothers do and not get the love and appreciation we deserve. My SD 12 is very disrespectful SS 6 can be also. After SD last episode I sat her down and asked her why she acts this way. She was honest and said that she just doesn't desire to have a relationship with me or my BD 8. I have decided to be civil with her but that's it. Seems to have relieved some of my stress not always trying to make her happy when she doesn't care.
don't feel bad we all have
don't feel bad we all have those feelings and right you are he doesn't sound like he's a bad child..If you would be in my place you would've walked out which I'm about to..At 11 yrs old there is much hope unlike mine she is 17 yrs old and just worse each day..May God watch over you and resolve things that not going well..
Read Stepmonster by Wednesday
Read Stepmonster by Wednesday Martin. Your'e feelings will be validated. Please don't feel guilty for how your feeling. Being a SM is more difficult than being a BM, from my own personal experience.
There are times when I feel being a SM just plain sucks. I feel that way because of their BM whom I call PPB (Pink Psycho Bitch) because she does not approve of my relationship with the skids. I chalk that up to her being very insecure in herself.
Hang in there
I have only just got the
I have only just got the book, Stepmonster, first chapter and I am starting to feel more normalized....thank you!
I'm so glad to hear you got
I'm so glad to hear you got the book.
I wish I had the book 7 years ago it would have certainly helped me.