Just an update-So I have been posting about how rude my SD 16 is.  It's a mystery as to why really because I've been SM since she was 5 & she was always a happy bubbly kid and we were good with each other (she was the one who wanted to call me mom and so on)...but BM put her in some horrible situations and within the last 2 yrs. Since then she has decided she doesn't want to be male or female, wants to be called 'Arlo' and is polyamorious and literally hates anyone who is not her Birth parents/her 'blood'-also prefers animals to humans (doesn't seem bad but she does everything  to the 100th degree..and anything in excess is just not healthy).

Now please no one start off the BS about letting her 'identify' as who she wants. This is not about that..I mentioned it because of the extreme 360 she had done in simply 2 years.  I will say that I don't feel comfortable with it at her age and our household won't entertain it (sorry I'm a staunch believer that these decisions shouldn't be made by kids, their frontal cortex isn't fully functioning-which is why they aren't allowed to make other important decisions...it will be another story when she is older..sorry for the aside but I'm sure I'll get badmouthing for some sort of interpretation of what I just wrote)

anyhow.  We went for the week long vacation at our timeshare.  She has only gone 1-2x before because she is usually failing school and we don't want to take her from school and make it worse.  Not this year.  DH has been big into wanting to be with 'his family' so included her.  I reiterated to him that he was responsible for her showering/changing daily because she can be very ripe--that lasted like 3/8 days.  She came and was OK..her normal distant self and would only really talk to my husband when she wanted something.  She doesn't ask me directly because she knows DH is a push over as of late..she was mean to my daughter who she had to bunk with..she was also pissy that we would not stop so she could take hundreds of pictures  of any animal she found...(literally over 100 pictures of a mouse she found, we stopped for a picture..but then continued walking because it was obscene..she took about 10mins) She went to her grandparents house and became 10x more rude, which my daughter texted us about because she was blatantly mean to her brother (son of me and my DH-who has learning disabilities)..she only made a few rude comments that I caught but got mad when I told her she could not have a boiled lobster for dinner or go to the rubber ducky store -again..but I bit my tongue and just stated what we were or were not doing without giving her an attitude (hard..).

The thing I got Really upset about is that ..she is rude and abrasive at times through the whole trip BUT when we came home a day early..before we even got to the driveway she asks dad if her mom can pick her up when we get there.  In my mind this is pretty rude--but of course he told her OK.  I was furious..so we discussed after, he said he could feel I was tense and wanted to let her leave so I could relax (totally appreciated..) but at the same time I told him that if no one tells her that certain behaviors are not acceptable...she will not know and will keep doing them.  Want to let her go-ok, but say 'just so you know, its considered kind of rude...but you can go'. I can ignore some of the teen behaviors, pushing boundaries is what they do...but there are no boundaries for her.  My DH is now talking about weekend trips to come (she is here Fri-Sun)...but I don't want to go and I feel horrible.  I'm just so done. DH says SD will likely get worse since her BM is going to have another child this summer...because she did So Great with this one..ugh.