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hrtbroke40's picture

Submitted by hrtbroke40 on Tue, 09/21/2010 - 6:59am

Sorry that I am blogging so much but it does help just to get things out in the open. I feel so much better today. DH who is now exDH has not tried to contact me at all. He is being real hurtful to me in some things that he is doing. I keep thinking that I am better off and really am going to get mentally healthy from all of this. I know what we had was never mentally healthy. Why all that changed is beyond me. Dating was so good but as soon as the I do's were said EVERYTHING changed. It was truly like someone flipped a switch. I have read that someone who does not know HOW to love is selfcentered and he is the most selfcentered person I know. This was to the point that when it comes to health or taking care of his family, his needs came first. He wouldn't get even his daughter health insurance but you can bet your sweet butt he has it on himself. He is always letting her run out of money at school to eat on and that was one thing I could not do is pay for her to eat and clothe her too. I started looking after my own and myself. If i didn't who would. At times I thought I was being selfish but in the end I found out I really wasn't. My motto started becoming NOT MY PROBLEM and I kept telling myself this over and over. It kept me from ringing SD's neck so to speak because the way she runs over people now is the way she will be when she grows up. I tried to teach her respect for others but finally came to the conclusion it just was not in her and evidently never would be. I raised my kids with respect and empathy for others and I have to say my kids are wonderful. They have always been wonderful and being almost adults are being well respected adults. All I can say is one day SD will totally break his heart and he will be the one behind what led to it. Then maybe he will take the blame for something.

Comments

MaGoose2010's picture

Submitted by MaGoose2010 on Tue, 09/21/2010 - 7:11am

You are not a bloghog and don't let anyone tell you that you are!! You are in the right place to vent and get it off your chest!

I wish I had advice for you other than you deserve better than this. Getting out was the best thing you could have done for yourself and your family. Your exH sounds like my first hubby who has just married wife #6.

It will take time for you to pick up all the pieces of your life and move on. But moving on is what you need to do..you will see that in time.

My thoughts & prayers are with you.
MG

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Tue, 09/21/2010 - 7:49am

I just read an article last week about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and I would bet money that your (ex)H has most of the traits that are indicators for this disorder. It's funny too that you mentioned in a different post that he is so opposed to counseling...wonder why???

Here is the link if you are interested:
http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/traits.html

When I found out that my exH (who was also an alcoholic and a compulsive gambler)was cheating on me, I fell apart, thought my world was over, was mortified, embarrassed, felt like a failure etc. I remember people used to say, I know it hurts, but everything happens for a reason... and I used to say IF I HEAR THAT ONE MORE TIME I AM GOING TO RIP SOMEONE'S FACE OFF!

But then I met someone, someone who loves me, respects me, and is my best friend. We married and now have an 8 month old son and I couldn't be happier
(except for psycho BM Skid issues from time to time!) So I guess I am walking, talking, testament that things DO happen for a reason. That reason may not be apparent for a while, but I bet in the near future you will find that you are much happier without your (ex)H and SD bringing you down. ((((Hugs))) Smile

beebusdriver93's picture

Submitted by beebusdriver93 on Tue, 09/21/2010 - 8:49am

Hrtbroke40...I have been looking for the blog you talk about above I would really love to read it...seems we are alot alike...in a sense...I am not married to this man...I have no ties to him at all no kids nothing...but why do I feel I have to live like this...why do I feel I would be cheating his kids if I walk away now but in reality I know I am cheating my own kids and he is the one cheating his kids....why do I worry that I am a quitter...I think I have tried for the 2 yrs him and his have lived with me...yes they live with me..and each time the subject comes up that he needs to move...the guilt trip comes on that they have no where to go blah blah.....I say this to him ...you would rather walk away from the good relationship we do have...all but for the kid part...instead of making your damn daughter behave...
I want to see this child grow up to be a young lady with morals, and respect for herself and others...I have told him that he is teaching her to grow up to be an adult liar and theif if he doesnt make her account for her actions now....he says he isnt the only adult here why dont i do it why does he have to always do it...CAUSE SHE IS YOUR KID...she knows I am not her mother...