What makes her so special
What exactly makes my SD so special that FDH can just melt at what she wants or demands. SD8 has a way of just getting everything and is sneaky in telling on SM. SM is more like BM since SD has no recolleciton of BM. SM has had SD since 3 and now she is turning into this monster who tattles on SM for everything in her version. SD takes on new tone when DH comes home. SD gets whiny and a real attitude toward everyone and it is ok. FDH says nothing to SD even when Teacher sends home notes about bad behavior in school. Principal has called SM every year since she entered Kindergarten since she is always having to talk to SD. SD has asked FDH for counselling but FDH does not believe in counselling so SD will never get Counselling. Then I look around me and say "Why the hell am I here" I am just a babysitter and maid to all of these people but for the last month that has came to sort of a stand still. Tonight I told SD you get what you give and I am ready to give!!
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I can't speak for your FDH
I can't speak for your FDH but with my H, xH, and many others I've known...having kids is about the only thing they've done with their lives that THEY feel is worth anything. In my xH's case I believe this is pretty much the truth lol...in H's case I have to say, I know SD and she ain't that friggin special. To him she is of course but as far as kids go...not so much. I'm not being biased towards my kids here, they have their own problems but xH REALLY hasn't done shit else with his life. Smoke pot, play video games, hang out with the kids, and go to work...so ya, my kids are about all the good he's done with his life.
It terrifies them that the kids will end up hating them and then they will be back to having nothing to show for their lives. So, they spoil, don't disipline, coddle, and turn a blind eye to the truth. In the end they have kids who feel entitled and the minute daddy can't give them what they want...what they feel they are entitled to have...they turn on him anyway. And that doesn't even cover the part where their kids end up having absolutely no respect for these dads at all because they have been allowed to walk all over them their entire childhoods. It's a self fulfilling prophecy when they parent out of fear of losing their kids.
Every child is special to
Every child is special to their own parents - but I think in the cases of these dad's the easy way out is to false praise and cater to every whim because then there is no work in that relationship. Who doesn't love someone who give you everything you want and never disagrees with you and praises even your most insignificant actions.
This happens in all relationships - I live with my Foster FIL and take care of him 24X7 - once he refused to take a shower (he only showers twice a week and wears a pullup - so I am not being mean I just don't want him getting sores or my house to smell) I told DH about it and said please talk to him and he wouldn't. He told me that he only sees him for a couple of hours at night and on weekends and he does not want to spend that time talking with him and arguing with him about taking a shower - he also used to do this with SS but I have changed that with him but not the FIL - so I am the bad guy and hubby is the good guy!