We are not mothers.. Or even close
Sorry to beat a dead horse, but even churches say so! Ok, maybe I'm being dramatic, but in service yesterday morning, they asked all of the "mothers" to stand up. The pastor asked moms, adopted moms, moms who miscarried or had stillbirths, or mothers who have lost their children to stand. DH turned to me and said "you're a SM". I refused to stand and ignored him.
I'll bet $10 million bucks that SM's day is NOT acknowledged next week. Nay, $1 billion! Even Christians don't think that SMs are motherly figures.
As I said, I'm being dramatic, and probably bitter, but who cares? This is a venting site for SPs! And SD never said a word to me but DH acknowledged me so I should just be grateful that he cares.
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We won't get acknowledged.
We won't get acknowledged. Because for the most part society thinks you need a fancy paper of "ownership" (legal rights) to be a parent.
However I do think some people realize we're mother-figures. Just it's really only all the other people who have been in the SP role...
Something must be wrong with
Something must be wrong with me because I don't know why I am so hurt over this! A 12 year old who has acknowledged me for at least 5/8 years suddenly can't say anything to me about being appreciative? Maybe BM's recent beef with me is the reason.. Maybe SD really doesn't give a sh!t about me.
It could be a number of
It could be a number of things. Since your BM is crazy and high conflict. She may have said something to SD about it... I don't know the reason I love dogs.... But I do know you're doing great and deserve any and all recognition for that!
I am so conflicted right now.
I am so conflicted right now. I want to help DH and I truly WANT SD to be a good, responsible, independent woman. Disengagement is probably best for my mental and emotinal well-being. Now that she is 50/50, however, I feel like I need to have a large influence in her life as a woman while she is in our home.
I love dogs, its ok to vent.
I love dogs, its ok to vent. You need to get it all out and this is the platform for you to do so. Release all that negative energy but make a mental note to evenually let the feeling go. Don't allow it to eat you up inside and make you bitter for the rest of your days because no one should ever have that type of power over you. You're a wonderful mother, wife, daughter, etc....focus on all the good that you are to other people and know that no one validates who or what you are but yourself. So keep your chin up darling and smile
I don't want to be bitter. I
I don't want to be bitter. I don't. But for all I do for SD, and being there for her for 8 years, I just get a metaphorical slap in the face because she's a moody preteen? I just need to lower my standards, I suppose, and know that my time will come to be a BM with a child that will love me unconditionally.
I got one gift for Mother's Day& it was from my kids' SM
My kids are 3,8, 9, and 13. We spent the day on the water boating yesterday with my mom. I got nothing from my children or anyone else. I had taken my mom to Red Lobster on Friday as her gift. So I got home from our weekend tired and sunburnt late at night and there is a gift wrapped bag on my door step. It said from exh, SM, and the girls in SM's handwriting. It was filled to the brim with all kinds of things from Ulta Beauty. I love makeup. It had charcoal face masks, votive candles, soaps, nail polish, and files, fake eye lashes and an engraved cosmetic bag with my initials. Now you know my kids had no hand in that. They didn't even make me breakfast or a handmade card. It was all their stepmom. Admittedly on her birthday, I spend a lot of money and get her a very nice gift card or something very nice because I remember that my ex husband was a craptastic gift giver if he even bothered so I definitely let her know how much I very much appreciated it and loved it and that it was my only gift and everything I love. And I will of course make darn sure that stepmom's day is acknowledged for her!
Sweet
Sounds like... sane SM for your kids. That was really sweet of her.
Wow that is awesome of you!
Wow that is awesome of you! It makes my heart so happy that women like you exist.
Please remember that the
Please remember that the church wants to ignore divorce and sex out of marriage so by that thought a step mother shouldn't exist anyways.
I'm not sure. I thought they
I'm not sure. I thought they were very modern. Also, a "single" mom got her baby dedicated yesterday. Not sure if dad is military or something. But, as Christians, they accept drug addicts, criminals, etc. and I thought most adults would be familiar with the divorce stats.
You'd think they would be.
You'd think they would be. Divorce is strange... It's both taboo and a casual topic... They happen all the time, and people don't bat an eye at them, but they also don't want to accept the reality of how many happen or that they're a thing. It's like people are both aware and in denial at the same time. And when they do accept them they just auto-assume that it has to be the man's fault that it happened. *HUGE EYE ROLL*
Now I can't wait to see how
Now I can't wait to see how the FD sermon plays out! SFs always "step up" don't you know?? Lol now I am just being ass.. Maybe they think that SPs should have no influence on the skid, releasing them from ANY responsibilities to them haha
Do something about this!
Have a talk with your pastor. Share with him how challenging the SM gig is, and how hard you and other women work at caring for other people's kids. Educate him, and encourage him to remember SMs and SFs in next Sunday's service.
bio kids are moody kids too
I do know my son loves me unconditionally, but I can tell you he's said all kids of awful things to me. (He's only 10). When he was really little he used to tell me "You're fired." He's told me I'm the worst mother in the world. He's told me he hates me. Blah, blah, blah, blah. He's a little shit when it comes to gifts, too. So it makes it soooo much easier when my step kids (who closely bracket my son in age) are unappreciative. I actually do know they like me, but they can be really unappreciative little kids, too. Kids are inherently selfish (with moments of great consideration and kindness, too) and it's our job to remind them to not be without being too resentful about the times when they're too focused on themselves. I'm really grateful that I've got step kids who are not only about the same age as my son but my son is halfway between them personality wise, too. So it's very easy to remind myself when I find them super annoying that I also find my son annoying and that it's a phase and it will pass.