I’m the proud, beaming SD of two teen SS. I felt bad for them because their BD is not in their lives and they have had a rough life. But this doesn’t excuse the crap I’ve put up with nor does it justify the sacrifices I’ve made.
I married my DW when the older boy was 12. Our relationship has been rocky at best. I knocked the SS off a little perch that by necessity his mom had him on. Well he has never gotten over it and never will. He has actively worked these last 7 years to separate my wife and I, and drive a wedge between the younger SS and I. I get along with the younger SS, not as well as I would like but much better than the older.
The older one is a natural liar. Nothing he says can be trusted. I can’t say anything to him. If I praise him, he sets out to prove me wrong. If I say anything …cross or “mean” like, “clean up your room” or “eat with your mouth closed”… it’s exaggerated and twisted and reported to DW. Then I catch hell. When I call him out on these things, I’m the bad guy. I have been the one to get up early to get him to school activities, I taught him how to drive a car. I am the only person in his entire life who thought to start a college savings plan for him despite his assertions that he would never go to college. Well guess where he is now, enrolled in college using that savings plan. The other “authority” figures in his life (BM, grandparents) wait on him hand and foot. But no one, no one, thought about a college savings plan. Just me. I am the one who has to tell him to drive the speed limit and obey traffic laws. No one else will because he gets mad and pouts. God forbid a kid get mad.
Recently DW and I had a huge argument because quite candidly, I have grown fatigued of babysitting this a$$hole. I was noticeably terse around older SS. DW was upset and accused me of not wanting SS. This after I had his back when he lied about something, and had his back about a career choice. I am simply tired of babysitting and really I would like his BD to take over the babysitting duties. Taking SS side had the effect of building a toxic bubble around SS and ensuring that, yes, I am on the road to hating his guts.
Right now there is no end in sight. DW recognized the hurt she caused me and told elder SS that he had to do his chores and do what I told him. But the mutual resentment between me, SS and BD is massive and I can’t seem to find a way out. I get that there is bitterness and mistrust after a divorce but they are all too proud to do what is best. I really care about my DW. When it’s me, her and the other SS we have such a lovely time. I just don’t know what to do.