I give up - need a little support here
Hi, I want to thank all of you for the insight and perspective I have gotten reading this site over the past year. I came here when my fairy-tale relationship started to go south, even though I tried and tried and cried and yelled and pleaded. I needed to hear from other people who were going through the same thing, and it has really helped.
My boyfriend/fiance - we actually got engaged, but I haven't worn the ring in almost a year - stopped paying attention to me one day a year ago. After three good years of love and kindness and support and laughter, he just stopped. He doesn't look at me or talk to me or smile at me or want to have sex with me. I feel like I'm invisible when I'm home. I fought against it for a while, and cried and talked to him, and then ignored it and pretended nothing was wrong, doing stuff for him and talking to him and hugging him without him returning any affection. I've been so lonely. I made myself so busy this last year with the kids and my two jobs and my volunteering, hoping it would make me forget about it, but every time I have a day off, I'm back into despair.
Our lease is up in a month, and yesterday, I went and put a deposit on an apartment!!!! I am so scared. Scared I won't get it, and scared I will get it. I haven't told him. It's going to be so hard for the next couple of months. He is going to be angry, not violent, but it's going to be awful. I feel like throwing up all the time. I think I'm doing the right thing? I wanted stability for my kids, but I can't live like this. I feel dead inside. I am TOO OLD to be made to feel like I'm worthless. I am done with that. I want to be happy and stable and I can't, won't, let myself fall into self-hatred anymore.
On the plus side - the apartment is in exactly the place I want to be 
I am so excited about it! It's small but it backs onto a park, and there is a coffee shop on the corner, and my kids will be able to walk to school instead of me having to drive them an hour each way (I moved far away to be with him). I can cook food that I like again, and no one will refuse to eat it! I can have a clean house and ask my kids to clean, instead of living with his filthy kids who refuse to help.
I won't have to be afraid anymore - his son is way bigger than I am, and completely undisciplined. He only behaves for my boyfriend because he is afraid of him, and SS is not afraid of me so he mouths off and acts menacing, and I am starting to be afraid all the time.
Please tell me I'm not crazy, and I'm doing the right thing. My boyfriend doesn't like anyone new, so I've only been socializing with his friends for the past three years, and I don't have anyone now. I have one friend I still see, but she has so much on her plate, and I can't see her very often.
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Comments
You're not crazy. You deserve
You're not crazy. You deserve to be happy and safe. And if he's not giving you affection and is allowing your SS to treat you as such, he's not providing for your basic needs. A relationship is a partnership, and from the sound of it yours is very one-sided right now, with you doing the work. If YOU're not getting what you need, then it is time to move on, that's not an environment you should be asked to live in, and it's amazing that you're taking steps for yourself. Your kids will have far more stability once you feel happy and stable than they do where you're feeling afraid all the time.
It doesn't seem like you see him as a solid future, so it's okay for you to go find the future you want, need, and deserve.
You
you are doing the right thing. Congratulations! I hope you have an easy move and buy yourself lots of fresh potted herbs for your new kitchen.
Share some recipes! We love to eat around here.
You are so brave. You can be
You are so brave. You can be happy again. Your SO sounds abusive, doesn't like anyone new so you can only be with his friends... That's wrong. Your apartment sounds amazing. I would love to live close to a park. Keep your chin up cause we are all rooting for you.
I think you know you are
I think you know you are doing the right thing . Change (especially big change) is always nerve-wracking. I think its a great thing too that you're moving about an hour away from him, that physical distance should make you feel a little better too. Congrats. This will be the first step to finding yourself again, and figuring out how to be happy. Look at it as an exciting opportunity, it will be if you make the most of it.
You are far from crazy. If
You are far from crazy. If you were crazy, you would stay put.
I'd think you were nuts if
I'd think you were nuts if you stayed in that situation. A fresh start will be wonderful. Good luck to you - I hope you get the apartment!
I am so nervous about the
I am so nervous about the apartment! I haven't heard back yet. If I get it I can move in May 1st, so I will only have two weeks to deal with him.
He has started going to watch his female friend's son's track meets with her. They have been friends since high school. I have never met her. She posts pictures of them together on facebook. I asked him about it and he got angry. I am just in disbelief that he thinks that would be ok?
I just don't understand why he doesn't leave. I'm so tired of him and his kids right now. It's spring break so I have giant smelly children playing video games at full blast all day and all night, and who are rude to me when I ask them to turn it off.
Here is the final straw though- he doesn't believe me when I say I am afraid of his son. His son cowers in front of him and only mouths off to me behind his back, so I have no proof. He thinks I am just being "mean" to his son.
But if I ask his son to do anything, he refuses, and then if I talk to my boyfriend about it, he thinks I'm picking on him, and won't back me up. I am lower than his son.
That's the final straw. I want to be valued, I want to be loved. I want to be able to ask teenager to put the dishes away once or clean his room. I can't even do that.
My boyfriend just sits on the couch all evening, when he gets home. He ignores everyone. Three more weeks.
Honestly, it sounds like he's
Honestly, it sounds like he's just not into you anymore. And I'm sure you don't want to be with someone who doesn't love and cherish you.
Believe me, it may hurt at first when you leave, but it won't be long and you will be wondering why you didn't leave earlier.
Let us know if you get the apartment!
Thanks. It does hurt- it
Thanks. It does hurt- it stings. Why isn't he into me anymore? But I think you are right. And I'm not willing to push something that so clearly doesn;t work. But it hurts.
Three More Weeks!
Disengage knowing that you will be escaping the crazy! Is there a way you can apply for more than one apt just in case? He won't leave because he's got a live in ATM and maid!
You are going to do amazing
You are going to do amazing things for yourself and your kids! You will find your happiness again! You can do this! This is so excting!
Man.. that just sounds awful.
Man.. that just sounds awful. I mean... lots of people on here have crummy step kids but your "fiance" isn't even acting like he wants you. I'm guessing he would be more worried about his ability to pay bills without your input.. but that's not your worry. I pray you get this apartment and if I were you, I would see what you could do to line up a place you can stay until you can move in. You can rent a storage unit for a month for your stuff.. maybe your kids could stay with their father..or one of your family members (parents.. sister.. etc..). I mean if he is this bad now.. I wouldn't want to stick around to see bad.. oh... and the tacit permission for his son to do something since you hurt his father. Keeping my fingers crossed.
You are NOT crazy! You should
You are NOT crazy! You should not have to live in a situation that you feel scared and lonely in. It may take some getting used to - being on your own with your kids but you will feel so free I am sure in time! Good for you for getting out of the situation!
You are not crazy. It sounds
You are not crazy. It sounds like emotional abuse to me. He has isolated you and tore you down and treats you like crap. Don't be afraid of your new apartment. Be excited. You will have such a huge weight lifted when you are away from this very toxic relationship.