Moving out.
Hello everybody,
I am new to this site and looking for some advice on my current situation. I'll keep it brief and try not to bore you all.
My partner has 4 children (25,21,14 and 12) 3 of whom live with us full time (one of whom is an adult) I also have a 6 year old biological child from a previous relationship. We have been together for 5 years and had his children full time for 2 of those years. I am constantly in a state of resentment and frustration and just unable to cope with these children, they are spoilt, ungrateful and completely indulged by my partner. We have absolutely no time as a couple as they don't see their bio mum. I find myself feeling jealous of these kids which I know isn't normal. My partner works long hours which means most of the childcare is down to me. I have reached my limits and found alternative accommodation for myself and my child. Since doing this I am now plagued with feelings of guilt about leaving his children as that's what their bio mum did, but I also can't stand another day in his house. My partner and I have discussed the situation and he's says there's nothing he can do to change it.
Any advice would be graciously received.
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Comments
Thank you
Thank you
My h works long hours also.
My h works long hours also. We have 4 kids at home still which are my bios ranging from 15-8. They do not see their dad. I also work. So, I am confused as to why you have no time with this man. We make sure to have alone time at least twice a week. My daughter babysits and we go out.
If that is the problem, no alone time, it can be remedied so him saying it can't be changed is a problem.
If, on the other hand, the problem is you not wanting to care for his kids,he is right, since he works long hours and you are home, unless he hires a caretaker. Although the kids are old enough to do many things on their own.
What would the right answer be for you?
Thank you for your comment. I
Thank you for your comment. I work 30 hours a week, I think the problem is that he doesn't want to go out he would rather be at home, there is quite a big age gap between us and I have felt trapped for a while now.
"I find myself feeling
"I find myself feeling jealous of these kids which I know isn't normal. My partner works long hours which means most of the childcare is down to me."
Feeling jealous of the kids IS normal, especially in the situation you describe. You are the maid. You also work, and you have your own child to raise. Then when SO gets home, he is tired and doesn't want to do anything.
What kind of life is this? I was a single parent with two young children for 6 years. We had fun; I focused on raising them and working.
It's not your responsibility to raise his children. You have nothing to feel guilty about. And you will soon realize that and be thankful for the newfound peace in your life.
My husband works long hours
My husband works long hours and he never shoves child care on me. I offer when I want to. When I don't, there is no guilting. They are his kids, not mine, it wouldn't occur to him that they are my responsibility in any way. Your husband should have this attitude. He doesn't. What does that tell you?
So there are some kids in my state who don't have adequate parental care, do you feel guilty about not taking care of them? These kids here are about as much yours as those kids in front of you. Your skids have 2 parents. Neither one is named India Genevieve. Their mother is a rat? Oh, well. Mine is pretty awful, too. It happens.
In the meantime, what kind of mother does your kid have? One who is happy and loving life? Or one who is tired and frazzled all the time from caring for children she has no responsibility for?
It's hard to look at it that way, I know. But you can get used to it and finally see the wisdom in it.
In the meantime, I agree, your dh will find someone else at a speed that will take your breath away. So no more sacrificing from you. Go out and make the life you deserve away from this mess!
Stop feeling guilty... you
Stop feeling guilty... you did what is the best for you and your child, look at your child and you will notice a happier child.