Some help please....
ok I need some advice in this My SD comes over every other weekend and every other day. SD and I do not speak at all to each other (she is 9). Its like she chooses to just not see me there. She has wrote her dad a couple of letters saying how she doesnt like him kissing or hugging me. Everytime that I try over the weekend to talk to her its good but once she goes home and comes back its back to the old drawing board. Like im starting all over again. Im tired of this. I know that she probably looks at it or is being told that I took her dad away from her but its been 2 years and I think this is enough time to realize that her father and mother are not getting back together. (I COULD BE WRONG! JUST MY OPINION) Her father is always giving her what she wants when she wants it and that is also frustrating. She knows that I dont play that I am the one that puts my foot down so when she asks her dad stuff she does it in secret. telling him a secret right in front of me. I have a 9 year old son and I have explained to him that this is rude but SD does it right at the kitchen table over dinner sometimes and I find it so hard to say something to her about it because 1 she is not my daughter and I dont want her to go home and say that im being mean to her. I just dont know what to do or how to handle this. I get so mad that i just lock myself in my room. I actually ask to work on saturdays so that I dont have to be there when shes there because i get so annoyed but then i have to worry about leaving my son behind and wondering whats going on cause there is always an issue. What am I doing wrong?
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wow thank you for all this
wow thank you for all this very helpful info.
I think Crayon totally hit
I think Crayon totally hit the nail on the head. She basically described the guilt parenting theory I've been working on the last 5 years. Now if only there were a magic want to zap the Bio-parents and SK's with to remove the guilt and damage from guilt.
Crayon, you beat me to the punch!
Amen, sista.
And just in case you missed anything, Itwillgetbetter, I'll sum up what Crayon beautfully stated in a very brief statement:
It's not the KID'S doing- she's just being a KID. The problem lies with your HUSBAND. Once he get his head out of his A$$ and starts being an effective parent, all these problems with SD9 will go away. Guaranteed.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
Feel your pain!
Hello,
Wow I lived that but now my SD is 13yrs. Ok. It did get better but not until I basically told myself that I wasn't going to let an 9yr old ruin my marriage. I remember our first Christmas. I totally went overboard making sure everything was perfect for them, 2 SD. One SD has been fine from the beginning she was 11 at the time. Well the SD that sounds like yours did these kind of things: I still remember when I opened my gift she was like, you like it and I said yes and she said you don't look like you like it. I gave her jeans and a sweater and she dropped it on the floor(sweater) and said my favorite color is blue. The sweater was red. My sister-in-law got onto her. It was so rude. Ok it's been over 4 yrs now and thinking about it ticks me off. I remember if I stubbed my foot, fell, or accidently hurt myself she would laugh. Mind you she was so sweet to others. I did notice that if I sat next to Husband she would sit on his lap. Also, she would argue with every thing I said. Like if I said grass is green, she would always reply no it's not. Girllllllll!! I am naturally a smart mouth and totally fought the urge to tell her what I thought. I reminded myself on a daily basis that I was not arguing with a child...I actually would say yes it is, she would say no it's not....on and on. Just to disagree with whatever I said or did. She actually had to be told to say good night to me she pretended I wasn't there. So in saying all that. I totally blame my husband for letting her treat me that way. I chose not to notice it. Some of it I think he didn't and that was just him being a man. But he totally felt bad because she didn't have her family, because he and BM divorced. I finally had a talk with her and started ignoring her like she did me. I told her I was going to treat her like she treated me. Things did get better but I had to get my husband on board. I would never be mean to a child but I would give her the time of day. I could go on and on about little things she did to me. She still has issues with me I believe it's because BM. You really need to make your husband understand how you feel. I would never let either of my SD's disrepect me in my home. I didn't make him choose between us but I asked him would he let her treat anyone else like she does me. It has been a struggle from the beginning and is still. But girl I will tell you making my husband understand helped.
About 2 years ago, I learned
About 2 years ago, I learned that my dh had gfs. My skids would go to him when I wasn't around to ask for things. Apparently, he was always giving them cash yet he was always complaining about being broke! It makes me angry to think of what I went through with him always complaining about no money.I didn't do anything with my paycheck that I would have liked to do, just put the whole thing in the bank! I never tried to have money in my purse because I felt bad about having it! But, now I know that the skids had money whenever they wanted it!! Grrrr..... On top of the disrespect that I had to put with! I am sorry that you are going through this with your sd. My dh never did get on board with it and I ended up being the bad guy. I hope that you can get your dh to truly understand what needs to be done. If he can't or won't, things are only going to get worse with the sd. I ended up being the bad guy and I always will be because my skids think that if it hadn't been for me, they would have had a great childhood (as in they would have gotten everything they wanted and do everything they wanted! )