I was searching for an answer about what happens when a man needs to chose between his wife and adult children. I wanted to share with everyone. I saw a ray of hope for my marriage, and hope that I'll have good ending. This is what I found. The man was asking about what to do about his marriage.

http://forum.parent24.com/yaf_postst539p4_New-wife-ask-me-to-choose-betw...

Steven M. Cartwright
Excuse me but shouldn't you be opposed to taking advice from anyone who is negative or starts their advice with the word, "Dude"? As a father who went through the same thing, I advise otherwise. Taking the wrong advice will give you a very unhappy outcome. I'm glad I came across this and I hope it's not too late to give real help!

You want real advice? How about giving the whole TWO sided version, sir. How about taking advice from someone who actually knows what they're talking about. Someone experienced. I'm a man who went through the very same thing. If you want an amazing outcome then you should listen to me, friend. It's easy to get a bunch of lame strangers to tell you to get rid of your wife with promises that it's the right decision and it's so easy. They couldn't be more wrong. I think in this common situtaion we find that there is very, very much more to the story. I feel bad for the wife who is being bashed here. Nobody knows her version at all. In most situations kids (which as mentioned before we are not dealing with a child, but an adult) are allowed to be as cruel as they want just because they are a part of the parent. Kids should not be able to have that much dictation over a parent. They should be taught to have respect for parents and their relationships. Get over yourselves, people.

So, here we are. Man to man. Let me tell you that the lacking of the "full story" tells me that you are in denial of you and your daughter's behalf in this problem. I didn't want to be told I was wrong either. Or that my daughter was..well, the real problem. I have four kids but it was the oldest who really had a problem. Not with the divorce but with the new authority she didn't respect. In my situation I remarried and my daughter was so incredibly jealous she did everything in her power to chase my wife off. Now let me tell you, my wife is incredible. She has done so much more for my children and I. More than my ex ever did or ever does. She is so family oriented and adventurous that she has made my family more of a family. However, my daughter began to push her away after she started enforce rules. She opposed my new wife's authority saying that it was her house. I guess that gave her the false feeling that she could make and abide by her own rules. At first I thought it was normal. But then there became a real problem when the two started to fight more. I didn't know what to do.

I turned to counseling, friends, Church, the internet, etc. And the best advice I received from them all: "Don't give up on your wife because of your kid. Instead, take a look at your kid and teach her some respect. After your daughter has moved on all you will have is your wife who won't disappear from your life. Your daughter will go on with her own life and you won't be as important anymore. Right now she uses your bond as a weapon against your wife. She is hoping that your closeness will cause her to leave. It's an abuse of your relationship. Your wife made a vow to always stand by you. She is prooving her loyalty and love by standing by you through all of this. Your wife doesn't give up on you, so why should you give up on her?"

That's not all of it, but it's the most important part. It has helped me more than leaving my wife ever could. What message are you sending your daughter? That no matter who you marry that her happiness comes before yours and that she doesn't have to respect it? Absolutely not! Truth is that I love my wife more and more every day. The thought that I ever considered leaving her makes me so angry with myself. Turns out that my daughter was being very sneaky behind my back and acting innocent to my face. She would do things to my wife that I wouldn't notice and when my wife told me I dismissed it. I didn't believe that about my own kid. However, it got really bad to the point that I started to find evidence. My daughter took advantage of me and I could have lost the most important person in the world to me. My child is part of me but so is my wife. She is really one of the best things to happen to me. My daughter moved on and out into the world and my wife and I have been at peace. We have our little problems here and there but nothing as bad. You have to have faith in your marriage. Marriage does come first, sorry people. I love my daughter but there is something more that you share with a partner that you cannot share with a kid. They are part of you in a very different way and it is your partner who you will spend the rest of your life with. As your kid will do with their partner.

My daughter was angry with me at first as expected. But she had to learn her position and that this was mine and my wife's househould. We are the authority just as she would be in her own home. But it took that time apart for her to realise and appreciate us and the importance of our relationship. We have all grown to come over that obstacle and now my daughter, wife, and I are closer then when we first started. Let me tell you that this-this is the advice you should take. This is what will change your life for the better.

Good luck man,

Steven M. Cartwright
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