MIL is the real victim here
I guess MIL is screeching and crying to everyone in DHs family about how devastated she is by DH calling her out. Mother's day was apparently a very hard day for her. And according to her, SIL has done nothing but help with SD and do activities with her. Oh and she did nothing wrong spending Easter with BM, because all she did was receive an invitation.
MIL had told DH that she wants a sit down talk with the whole family at their house and that's what SHE needs to move forward. DH responded with the favoritism with the kids needs to stop and the communication with BM to their family needs to be done. MIL said "oh, by SIL helping with your daughter after school and doing things with her it's a game changer and you can't talk to your own parents? That's an unrealistic expectation."
The manipulation here is strong. As if thats really all that SIL was doing. And again, ignoring the favoritism completely.
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I hope he doesn't agree that
I hope he doesn't agree that sit-down meeting. These vipers know full well what they are doing. He needs to just stick with, "When the favoritism of SD and BM stops, we will move forward". And then be done with them until such a time.
He was going to, trying to
He was going to, trying to talk big and be tough, ugh. I told him that's not a great idea and to send back the messages that he did. He's trying, but he still ends up getting sucked in by the breadcrumbs of hope he gets from them.
MIL is really just upset that her oh so clever plan to have SIL do her dirty work while she pretends to be innocent didn't work. Problem is, SIL and FIL are too dumb to not screw it up.
Holy fluck
Man do i feel for ya. This constant headache from DH's family. MIL must have an empty life to put so much effort in creating drama .
Your DH should not let himself get sucked in. This meeting er I mean ambush will not go down well. Winning a fight with a narcissist means not engaging.
How exhausting for you.
Dealing with them is
Dealing with them is seriously no different than trying to reason with my barely 3 year old when he's throwing a tantrum. Nothing gets through, all they can do is scream irrationally.
"Mom, what do you need me for
"Mom, what do you need me for since you and SIL work with BM to see SD? And see SD more than I do? You don't care about my other kids, so I don't see the need for us to have a relationship when who you want is SD. You already have access to her, so l won't be pursing a relationship with you anymore."
DH had to have similar chats with MIL. She decided it was more important to be a grandma than a mom, so she "sided" with ET. Would have been fine if ET weren't, well, ET. It caused drama and DH bowed out.
Fast forward a few years and ET's life is somewhat a wreck, so the only way for her to be grandma is through DH. Same with GBM. BUT, since both of them decided to play games with ET, they now lose out. And they're both hurt by it. Oh well.
Your DH needs to not make it a competition. Call it like it is and step out. MIL doesn't want a relationship with her son; she knows BM will eventually flip and she wants to play both sides so she doesn't miss out. He needs to not let her do that.
Yes, exactly! I was just
Yes, exactly! I was just thinking that eventually BM is going to find a new victim, er, man, and then she will want to parade SD around for his family. She's flying out to a different state to meet some guy she met on IG too, so who knows what will happen there.
DH should definitely avoid
DH should definitely avoid their intervention, he would be confused by their manipulation.
Yeah, I don't think he would
Yeah, I don't think he would be able to handle it. I'm guessing MIL thinks if he goes there I won't come also, because they think I'm uncomfortable going there.
to me it's as easy as "since
to me it's as easy as "since you and SIL see SD on BM's time, you do not need to participate in our family time. I will no longer make excuses for either of you and because of you favoring only SD, our family time is just for our family. I know you will continue to see SD when BM allows, I hope you enjoy those visits. I will not participate in your 'family discussion' as I do not feel that you have treated us as family. Perhaps BM would enjoy a family meeting. I am sorry you and SIL have chosen the path that has led us here. My priority is my personal family and I cannot allow either of you to damage my family. There will be no more excuses, allowances, or visits made on my time. I know that your close relationship with BM will give both of you plenty of time w/ the child you favor. Goodbye."
but I'm a bit of a bitch.
This is pretty much exactly
This is pretty much exactly what the reply in my head to them is.
Regardless of what your DH
Regardless of what your DH decides, I think you need to raise mama bear & be done with them. DH can have any relationship he wants with MIL & SIL, but you and the kids are no contact. I'd have very little respect for a man who allowed my children to be treated like 2nd class citizens.
Yes, I'm totally on the same
Yes, I'm totally on the same page.