My BF wants to send his daughter to private school as well, and he will be footing the bill for 100%.

I want to have children, too, and I am of the mindset that a motivated student doesn't need private school. I think its wasted money to spend that kind of money when I've never even seen anyone work with FSD10 on her homework. If we do get married, chances are pretty high that I'll start squirreling away some money unbeknownst to BF to make sure that my children aren't just getting the leftovers.

Hmmmm....
I'm not sure how it would be handled since the kiddos are already in Private School. We went through this situation (BM wanted SD5 in private, DH wanted public)when it was time for SD5 to start school. I'm in Oklahoma and we had 2 things going for us. 1. BM has sole legal/physical custody and CO states she is responsible for school.
2. Even if she went to court to try and get us to pay for private school, she couldn't. B/C here if there is a *free* option (aka public school) that's what is automatic.
If BM wanted SD5 to go to private she would have been 100% responsible.

I don't know if that second part (the *free* public option) would work for your situation or not! My gut is telling me a court would probably say continue with private since that is what they already know. I'm not sure, good luck!!

In my opinion, you do have a say in the life of you and your bf, but not necessarily in making a decision regarding this. I think he needs to discuss the situation with the bio mom (and leave you out of it completely) and explain his money situation. However, he should definitely emphasize his desire to KEEP them in private school, if that is truly what he wants. I suggest also doing some major research (you can find test scores, school ratings, teacher-student ratios on various websites online) into both the public schools in the area and the private schools, in case he does want to push for the public schools.

Beware that if the bio mom is at all wary about you and whether you are influencing this (which you are, in a way, because he wants to save some money for your future together), you should try to stay out of the conversation. I would think she will be a little peeved, no matter how much money SHE has, and may believe that your bf is just trying to put the kids on the backburner and that they aren't as important to him now that you are in the picture. Although untrue, this could become an argument involving YOU rather than money.

Maybe he can simply drop the percentage he pays, since he also pays alimony and child support? Suggest paying only 30%?

We sent our son (my SS) to private boarding school. We paid for it. We did not even ask BioDad's opinion.

Interestingly BioDad and SpermGrandMa freeked out when we sent him and they freeked out worse when we brought him home a year and half later.

You SO needs to stop paying anything beyond court ordered CS and alimony. If the XW wants the kids to go to private school then she should fund it out of the CS and alimony he already pays. If there is a delta she should get a job to cover it or get it from her wealthy parents.

IMHO.

Best regards.

I too think it is unreasonable, but he will probably resent you if you try to bug him about it. Here is my revommendation if I could do it all again.

Figure out his take home pay after all his expenses for his kids. Based on what he has left, figure how much of that will go towards joint bills w/you. Take the same amt of your income and put that as your living expenses. Buy house, cars, etc based on that income alone. Anything you have extra, put in a separate acct only for you and any kids you might have together later...DO NOT contribute a penny towards his kids...if he has no money to buy Christmas gifts, his problem. If you have a kiddo, determine how much he MUST spend on your child together...you spend the same amt...any leftover in your acct SAVE for you or your child's future...

Good luck...