You are here

How to be a fun dad and step dad

jldurham6's picture

Submitted by jldurham6 on Sun, 10/12/2014 - 2:06pm

I don't know what to do. I feel like my tool box is missing the most important and basic set of tools like a hammer and a screw driver.

I divorced after 14 years, my wife and I were Mormon, we quickly fell apart and divorced as I felt this need to find MY identity, not the one that was always shaped by church and the relationship. We still have a good relationship but I have been dating and found an amazing woman I genuinely connect with..... However, her daughter... not so much.

Her daughter is whiny, throws tantrums constantly, she rules the roost. Not only do I have problems connecting to her daughter, I have problems connecting to my own. I was never able to get to an emotionally mature place to CHOOSE to have kids, it was kind of thrust upon me and I was a people pleaser and obedient under the religious guidelines.

My GF busts my balls for not connecting with her child, she admitedly has the same problems, she was hoping someone could pick up her slack and help her. But I feel like I don't have the tools. How do I do that with someone elses kids when I can't with my own?

When I'm away I miss my kids, I fantasize about the fun I want to have with them. Same with hers. But when I'm there, I disconnect and disassociate. I keep listening to myself to see what is causing these walls to go up. Was I just not meant to have children in my life?

This is something I truly want to work towards, to grow and become a better person. I just don't know how. Neither does she. I feel like the issues with her daughter would get better if she knew how to do better as well. It's weird, she connects with my kids better than she does her own.

What steps do we take together to be better parents and hold on to eachother?

Comments

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Sun, 10/12/2014 - 4:01pm

I agree with the counseling advice, especially since you ended two relationships at once. One with your wife and the other with your church.

You may be having issues connecting to your kids if they are still involved in the Mormon church. Please be careful to respect their feelings on this issue.

It seems to me you're feeling disconnected from many things and you're grasping at anything that will make you feel normal. That being said, I urge you to end the relationship with this woman and not get involved with anyone else until you make peace with yourself.

Leaving a church (I left the bible thumping pentecostal faith about 15 or so years ago) can be devastating. Everything you were raised on and believed has become dust. You're forming new core values and principals right now and it is a confusing time.

Regarding your kids, I can't give you any advice. I have no children and honestly, though I like kids I've never been able to truly connect with them on any level.