Help and advice needed
Hi Everyone
Hoping you could offer me some constructive advice. I am moving into my partners home. He has 2 children 16 and 14. His 16 year old is thinking of moving in permanently to the home. My partner and his ex wife will be having a family meeting to discuss this and decide if this should happen so my answer would be since I will also be living in this house should I have an opinion/say or do I not get a voice because it isn't originally my home. My partner has always been included in discussions with my children (4) with his opinion always being listened to and valued. I have had 1 wedding and 1 coming up and he has been included in every step by myself and my children. We have been together 3 years and I am struggling to know what I should be included in and what I shouldn't.
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If by "have a say" you mean
If by "have a say" you mean being able to object to him moving in, then no I don't think you can object to his son living there permanently, especially if you don't live there yet. Also, do you intend to move in with any of your four children? Bc you'd have to have some nerve to be moving them into his home but object to his own son moving in.
Nope they aren’t
Actually no my children are not moving in they are all older and living on there own (27-19) but I have been told if something was to happen with any of them and they needed help, living with us is not an option. I actually don't object in fact I get on very well with his son, I was simply asking if I will be moving in next week should I be able to have a say.
How is it that your children can never move in, but his can?
How is it that your children can never move in, but his can? Of course you should have a say about who lives with you. If your SO makes this decision without consulting you, I don't think you should move in.
I agree that your feelings
I agree that your feelings should be taken in to account. The good thing you have going in your favor is that you don't live there yet. I would hold off moving in, if possible. Right now you do still have some power over your life and who you live with. However, when it comes to a minor child, step parents ususally don't get much say. It is the parents job to make sure that they are in the best home situation.
I agree with on some levels what your SO has said on kids living with you guys- is that, your kids are adults. His is still a minor. There is a difference in responsibility there. Now, if this SS16 does move in, it needs to be clear that he will be moving out on Xdate, period. Maybe that is the end of summer after graduation, I don't know, but if your 19 yr old can't come back, his should not be living there long after graduation.
Well if you don't object, the
Well if you don't object, the only alternative is that you're ok with him moving in. In that case, I don't see where your problem lies. Bc you certainly can't push for him moving in if his father decides no.
I would at least want to know
I would at least want to know what SO wants to happen and to be informed. Especially since you haven't moved in yet. This way you have an option to re-evaluate moving in right away or waiting to see how SS living with dad plays out before making that decision.
Don't move in until you see
Don't move in until you see the dynamics first-hand. Spend a few weekends or longer over there to observe how things go. How is the son treated? Like a prince? Or like a someone who is expected to share the chores and duties and who steps up and does them? Even if you do end up moving in, keep yor place for a month or two (if you can) so that you always have an option.
What's the kid's motivation for wanting to move in?
Of course you have a say, I
Of course you have a say, I disagree with the others, at least depending on why the kid is moving in full-time. If it's absolutely necessary and in his best interests, then okay - but if it's just because the kid wants to - no. And there should be a clear discussion of rules, etc before he moves in full-time.
Don’t move in
Wait. Until you see who is living there. Stay weekend to see what going on and how the things are. You may not have a say but moving in is your choice