I'm going to say this only once.... never make someone else a priority, when all you are to them, is an option.

Seriously, talk to him. Tell him you feel like a convenience. If he changes, great, if he doesn't....time to bring out the big guns, lol.
Best wishes.

i think he is being a man. however I do text my dh first but only b/c I work nights and he waits till I get up. But when I wasn't working nights he always text me first.

But on the other things I have never done any of those things, I don;t wait on anyone at all. they all have 2 hands and 2 legs they can serve themselves!

I will serve my dh when I have time and I WANT too. Dh really appreciates it when I b.c I don't very often.

My point is that if you want that to change you have to change they way you do things.

Ummm .... he is being a man. As embarrassed as I am to admit it. :jawdrop:

Interestingly even when we have someone who does most of the house work my wife enjoys the nesting thing including cooking.

Last night she cooked our "home" cooked meal in four months. We have been living in an extended stay hotel with an extremely small kitchenette. She wipped up some grilled cheese sandwiches, and tomato soup. Nothing fancy but we all enjoyed it and she was on cloud nine doing it.

I sat on my ass. I did offer to help clean up but she ran me out of kitchen.

I enjoy spending time with my bride in our home. I hate housework.

So ... I plead the man thing.

Best regards,

I think your low on YOUR list of priorities. Why would he make any effort, you do it all for him? I don't think it has to do with being a man or a woman, I would love one of you in my house! I think by our own actions we tell people how they can treat us and they will push because that is human nature. Your doing everything and he has come to expect it. It has become a pattern. If you want different results try doing something different. Let him work for your attention, stop giving it to him and he will respond, he already comments when you don't text him. Let him know your busy with other things and he is not the center of your universe. I would start out slow and then work on the household chores, coffee, etc.... I really hope thing work out for you. Best of luck!

Agree!

Ummmmm sorry but you are not a waitress or a maid! You are his wife!!

He may be being a man, but certainly doesn't exhibit much consideration for you. I at least try to share household duties. Like
Rags, I might get run out of the kitchen sometimes. I like taking off work early every once in a while and cooking a dinner for my Dear Wife. Romance IS and should be a part of every marriage.

If she cooks, then I like to clean up the kitchen/dishes so she doesn't have to do everything. When I cook, she will help clean up. And I even go to school two nights a week and have another online class that takes up quite a bit of time. I do benefit that all my kids are grown and out of the house. Just my SD16 at home and she pretty much ignores me for the most part.

I end up making coffee in the morning because when DH tries to make it, it tastes like assssss. I also end up cooking because DH only has about one dish that tastes good, and I like to try new recipes. When DH helps with the dishes, I just end up getting frustrated because instead of scrubbing the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher, he will run them under hot water for 5 seconds then throw them in and then they don't come out of the dishwasher clean and I have to run them again. DH's attempt at laundry leave something to be desired as well. He will load up the washer so full that it sounds like the Devil is in there trying to get out while it's running, as well as he tries to mix reds and blues with whites which has ruined maannny manny of my outfits.

As far as other things like taking out the garbage, if it's full and i'm here i'll take it out. If it's full and he's here, he'll take it out. When I make dinner, he just makes his own plate from the kitchen.

See, in my situation i'm home more so i just end up doing more of the housework. Also it's easier on my sanity to take care of certain things because DH drives me crazy the way he goes about some of it.

I do agree with misguided. He has it pretty damn good as far as things in the home go. If he doesn't have to put in the effort because you will, he certainly won't take the iniciative!

I used to take care of my DH like he was a king (or so I think IMHO). Used to. I used to notice that he could go play golf and leave his house a mess, I didn't have plans, so I would clean (and no...I didn't...and still don't..live there! I have my own home to clean!) He was appreciative. But, then I started using my brain. Wait a minute. He gets up early. So basically, he sat here reading the paper and drinking coffee for at least 3 hours before he got ready and left to play golf. Are you really telling me he couldn't take a few minutes to pick the dirty socks off the floor? Put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher? Something? Anything? It seemed like he knew I would clean, so he left it for me to take care of. When I really started noticing just how much he "let" me do around his house...I put the brakes on. Now...I still help clean here and there--I'm not able to relax unless the house feels clean!---but I find it much easier to pass on the sink full of dishes when I know that DH has had just as much time to put them up as I have!!!

What misguided said! Also, I will tell you my average day to compare. I am a stay home mum of 2 and stepmum of 5 (of which we have 1 full time)

In the morning:
Me: Cuddle DH. Cuddle BS1 in bed and give him his milk after DH has got him out of his cot and brought him in. Give children breakfast, get them dressed, take BD3 to pre-school
Him: Cuddle wife. Gets BS1 up, gets milk for BS1 and BD3, play with BD3 while I get up. Has shower. Usually unstacks dishwasher before going to work. Drops SD14 and SS12 to school if they are with us. Drives 1 hour commute to work.

During the day:
Me: Take care of BS1, and BD3 when she finishes pre-school, do housework, endlessly tidy up toys, do shopping, do activities with children. Worry obsessively about SD14 (recent development, she just moved in). Occasionally send instructional text messages to DH
Him: Occasionally rings to enquire about my day. Occasionally sends romantic message pronouncing love for me. Generally ignores instructional text messages(!)

At night:
Me: Feed and bath BS1 and BD3 and put them to bed. DH may or may not arrive in time to say goodnight to them and help put them to bed. Hug DH. Flop on sofa. Tidy up. Eat dinner prepared by either me or DH. Watch TV or movie. Spend too much time on StepTalk provoking resentful comment from DH
Him: Get home, have hug, make dinner (about 50% of time), flop on sofa, watch TV or movie. Complain about excessive time wife is spending on StepTalk. Tidy kitchen.

Personally I think there is no excuse for a man to not do his fair share around the house, especially when some of the work is generated by children that are his not yours, and even more especially if he won't get them to do chores. You have to find a balance you are happy with, but it sounds like you are making more than your fair share of the running on both the household front and the 'keeping romance alive' front, and have fallen into the classic stepmother pitfall of doing too much in an effort to fit in and show everybody how great you are so they will love you. However it doesn't necessarily mean you're low on his list of priorities, you could be really important to him, but that doesn't mean he won't take you for granted on a day to day basis if you make things too easy. Back off gradually and make your needs a higher priority.