Demon seed is coming back and I'm dreading it! HELP!
SS15 comes back to live with us next week. Its been a glorious 6 month break. Our home runs smoothly, no drama whatsoever, clean house, peaceful and everyone is on the same page.
SS15 doesn't want to come back either. He gets to do whatever he wants at his BM's. He's drinking, smoking, experimenting with drugs (shrooms and coke) and goes to college parties all the time. His BM is a college student and lives in some family housing for student families near the campus.
He was a holy terror before he left and I have a feeling he will be worse when he comes back. He hasn't improved whatsoever and he's only gotten worse with his behavior and attitude. I've tried to talk to DH about what he can do differently this time with his son so that things can be better for him and for us. DH is clueless. Doesn't have a plan and isn't trying to face anything until he comes back. he has the "lets cross that bridge when we come to it" attitude. I'm doing my best not to obsess or stress about it but its difficult when I think about how peaceful everything has been since he left.
My biggest concern is that I'm starting IVF in 2 weeks. I'm already on oral meds and I start all my other injectable meds in 2 weeks. I cannot be under stress during this process. I've expressed this to my husband and he doesn't understand that I don't want to deal with his son's ish and do not want to tolerate his antics or disrespect and that he must keep all that sh*t at bay from me so that I can be stress free during this process. I've waited a long time for this and only have the money to try this one time and I would hate for anything to go wrong because of family stress or drama with his son.
Does anyone have any recommendations for me as to how I can remain calm, stress free and unaffected by SS antics? DH is a Disney dad with a guilty dad complex and totally clueless. I get that he wants to do whatever he can to save his child and help him, I'm totally understanding of that but I don't have fait that my husband will follow through with parenting his troubled teen. HELP!
- Journey Perez's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Good luck with the IVF! Can
Good luck with the IVF!
Can you disengage from SS? I think that would be best for your stress and force DH to deal with his own son. FWIW, my DH is the same - never wants to plan and is always surprised by things I saw coming a mile away.
Thank you! Yes I can
Thank you!
Yes I can disengage from SS, no problem, I've been doing it. Even with disengaging, it is difficult to avoid SS disruptive behavior because it affects the entire household. I will do my best to not allow it to affect me and just focus on conceiving and carrying a healthy baby. I'm even considering talking to SS and telling him he is welcome to stay living with his mom and that in our state, he has a say as to which parent he would like to live with now that he's 15. Perhaps he can insist that he lives with his mom and hopefully DH will go for it because DH doesn't want to go back to court. Hoping they can settle all of this with minimal drama.
Yes I have plenty of support
Yes I have plenty of support and can stay with several different family members and friends. My husband would have a fit of course but if he can't manage his kid and get his a$$ in line, then I will have to do what I have to do. That is a great suggestion! thanks!
Demon seed currently lives
Demon seed currently lives 500 miles away with his mom. He has visited a couple times in the last 6 months. Previously we had him full time and he was trouble. So yes this break has been heaven. Yes I have my bio son 15 who lives with us as well. SS antics affect my bio son as well.
We've explored military school but it costs more than a college tuition. Its so expensive and we cannot afford it.
I much rather have SS live with his mom and demon seed can just come visit on his school breaks. I hope that DH gets fed up with SS over the summer break and sends him back.
I've tried several times to
I've tried several times to talk to DH about it. He simply doesn't want to get into it. He doesn't even want to think about it or deal with it. I know he's dreading his son coming back as well, he just won't be honest about it.
My son was getting into all kinds of trouble with my SS. They were doing drugs together and shoplifting. Doing all kinds of bad things together. Once they got busted and put on restriction, as well as taken to the juvenile hall to get ripped a new one by some scary officers, my son got the hint. He learned his lesson. He values his "things" (phone, gadgets and privileges) as well as his freedom. My SS continued with his antics and hasn't stopped. My son and DH don't even fight, argue or bicker at all now that SS is out of the house. All tension in the house is gone when SS is gone.
My hope is that DH gets fed up again with SS and he goes back to mom's to make her life miserable, not ours!
No way in the world would I
No way in the world would I have a kid with your DH. Your SS is going to turn your house into a zoo because your DH refuses to pull his head out of his a--. Your SS sounds like mine. As he aged he got into more and more trouble and by the time he was 20 had a record a mile long. And every couple month there was new drama. My anxiety was out the roof. DH and I are now separated and I feel so much peace. Unless you go into this knowing you will probably be a single mother don't do it. I think you should look at your DH as a sperm doner.