OT to a degree - a vent, rant, not about stepkids.
Today and much of this past weekend I've felt blah. Just tired. Tired of dealing with kids who don't put ANYTHING away. Tired of being a broken record. Tired of listening to the SO complain that my kids are messy and i know they are beign slobs and am actively trying to get them to clean up. Grounding, privilege loss, phones turned off, I've done it. Neither have video games or cells or anything that needs charging or can be played. They are one step away from sitting on their beds with tehir hands in their laps every day until the end of time. Ugh.
I'm tired of catering to him while he's sick. it's a cold dammit. You aren't dying. Take some mucinex and walk the damn dogs. I did when I was sick 3 weeks ago.
I'm tired of it adn just want my peace and order back. I'm sick of laundry. I'm sick of dishes. I'm sick of men leaving whiskers on teh sink but being pissed I have 3 bobby pins in the same place. I'm tired of wondering why boys have aiming tools and end up peeing on the SIDE of the toilet.
I'm tired of worrying about egos, feelings, and being thoughtful and considerate. I'm tired of constantly feeling like I have to hold everything together because I'm the mom/SO/glue.
I'm sick of failing to adequately explain to my kids why their father has disappeared. That it's not their fault. My heart breaks when i see my son's face crumple when he starts to miss his dad. I'm tired of that son-of-a-bitch hurting that little boy and little girl.
But most of all? I'm just tired. I know I can't quit - I'm not one of those parents. But today, and this weekend, I have been drained. I feel like an emotional vampire has sucked everything out of me adn left me standing here drained, frustrated, mad and more importently - impotent. I cant' do anything about any of this.
I don't ahve the option of walking. of quitting.
Sigh.
Today is not a good day.
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Comments
Sending you a hug! It okay to
Sending you a hug! It okay to be sick of it.
Sound like your Ex is a piece of work.
We can be hurt but when our children hurt we feel helpless and overwhelmed. I am so sorry.
I have a truck......
I'm sorry for your
I'm sorry for your frustration. Take a deep breathe and then creep forward. You can do it, you know it, and you will....but you dont have to grin and bear it the entire time. I hope your post helped you release and that something good happens to you today to bring you back up a bit.
JRT - it must have been
JRT - it must have been something in the air to make it an emotional weekend because I was feeling the same way. And I'm such a fixer sometimes, it bugs me that I can't fix the things that need to be fixed. Maybe the first step I need to take is realizing that not everything is my issue to fix.
I listened to my DH extoll the virtues of hard work to my son. DH even made the comment, 'Your mom works 2 jobs, did you know that?' To which my son shook his head "no". DH: 'Oh yes, she works 50 hours a week at her paying job, and then another full time job taking care of us and this house. We all need to help her, me included because I know I don't do a very good job at helping out.'
Then on Saturday and Sunday morning proceeded to WATCH ME do laundry, fold it, put it away, vacuum, sweep and mop the kitchen floor, empty the dishwasher UMPTEEN times, clean bathrooms, etc. I know DH can't read my mind, and this weekend that was probably a good thing because I was thinking some pretty UGLY thoughts about him. But GEEZ, is he blind to this stuff?
And I got this really weird thought in my head over the weekend that I can't seem to shake. I have to wonder how many DH's out there (mine included) who openly acknowledge that they dump on their DW's (aka maid, laundress, cook, stepmom), allow the SK's to behave badly, and do nothing when BM gets in a snit have thought about leaving?
I mean, we all talk about it on here, but honestly, I wonder if my DH has ever thought things would be easier just going back to the way things were before I came along -- living alone (and poor) in a dinky apartment, seeing his kids every weekend, doing the BM's bidding to keep her happy, paying his outlandish CS, and letting his life slip by him. I'll be the first to admit that a lot of drama didn't start until after I came on scene, and requested boundaries for everyone, rules to be followed, etc. It's still like herding feral cats.
I'm tired too. I'm tired of DH talking the talk but not walking the walk. Tired of being the Girl Friday. Tired of the only one who seems to have the need for rules and boundaries in this household, and tired of being the only one who feels the need to have a CLEAN household.
**LIKE** This just says it
**LIKE**
This just says it all.
Awwww, I'm so sorry!! I can
Awwww, I'm so sorry!!
I can identify with much of what you've written.
(((( hugs )))) I'm sorry you
(((( hugs )))) I'm sorry you are having a bad day! I hope it gets better!!
must be in the air and our
must be in the air and our genetic code as women to "take" it. I can't imagine my SO or ex or Father for that matter doing all of this without freaking out.
my "random" thought has been, also over and over, I don't miss the constant struggle of being on my own, but at least then I was responsible solely for every thing. I dunno I know it will pass but I'm just aggravated.
lol the truck comment DID make me laugh. thanks ladies.
Well, i've done that kind of.
Well, i've done that kind of. I emailed my OH SO SICK SO and told him I was working late and he and teh kids had to fend for themselves for dinner. They are his Stepkids but I don't usually expect he care for them. Only today. I need some time away from all of their "needing".
I say a steptalk beach trip is in order - how does the sunny shores of Australia sound?