DH texted SS about spring break
DH was telling me about some conference he might have to go to, which lead to talking about dates. Me wanting to go on a trip for my kids Spring break (They are with their dad) with just the 2 of us since our Thanksgiving trip got canceled (THANK GOD- can you imgaine if we had been in Mexico when DD was in her accident!! Unanswered prayers!).
Then he starts talking about SS coming for spring break.
Me: (Trying to hide all emotions) Are you going to push it? Or just ask him if he wants to come and go from there?
Him: What should I do?
Me: Your kid, your call but you didn't force it at Christmas and I thought you weren't going to again.
Him: Well, I will text and see what he says
Of course, SS doesn't respond. SS has sent him one message since July last year. Of course, I don't ever want to see SS again. I have not forgiven him. However, I can't tell DH again that I don't want him in my house- as much as I want to. I told him that once already when we were still in the height of dealing with DD's accident. I just hope DH drops it when SS doesn't respond. We know he won't, but then I am afraid DH is going to push it because "It is the last chance before he turns 18" where court dates are written clearly on when SS comes to our state. Crap. Anyone want to let me come visit while he is at my house?? LOL
ETA: The spring break for SS is mid March, Spring break for my kids is in Mid April. So going away has nothing to do with SS.
Backstory for those who don't know/remember: DD14 was in an ATV accident while visiting some cousins with her dad out of state over Thanksgiving. She was hospitalized in upstate NY for 16 days. It was REALLY bad. She is still dealing with a lot from it. DH tried to call SS, then texted him to let him know what happened. SS didn't respond. SS's 1/2 brother (Dh's exSS) stayed up and talked to DH for hours while I was in ICU with DD the first night trying to understand and get the plan for her injuries. SS has yet to ask if she is doing ok. SS's brother even confronted him about not reaching out and all he can do is shrug apparently.
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Let It Be
It's been discussed, your DH texted with no response....so let it go. Chances are he won't ever respond to the text so you won't have to deal with him. A good friend told me (in dealing with StepHell stuff), "Don't borrow trouble." If and when he responds, then you can make plans if he does choose to visit.
I hope your daughter is doing better and on her way to a full recovery. Much love for her sent your way.
Make your plans and go , with
Make your plans and go , with or without him. Hasn't DH put you through enough already?? Just go.
Not sure what that means...
Not sure what that means... DH isn't putting me through anything. I am trying to find a balance of despising his son and living our lives.
You are trying to allow DH
the opportunity to see and/or communicate with his son, but at the same time you are trying to not let it impact your lives as much as it has in the past. It is a hard balance to try and find. On one hand you don't want to hurt your DH by telling him the reality that SS doesn't care and that is not going to change any time soon, but at the same time the whole situation has affected your lives enough that you wish your DH would realize the reality by now.
If you are waiting on a response from
SS to decide to go away on spring break with your DH, then I would have your DH text SS with a deadline like "hey buddy, I haven't heard from you in a long time. I want to know if you are going to be coming for spring break or not so I can purchase tickets for you. If I don't hear from you by x date, I am going to assume you are not coming. I hope to see you."
That way it is giving your DH some time to wait and see if he gets a response from SS and if he doesn't then you get to plan a trip for the two of you. I doubt he is going to respond, but at least it will have your DH feel as though you are supporting him and giving him a chance to see SS even though we all know he is not going to respond.
Sorry, I should have a
Sorry, I should have a clairified- Different spring breaks. SS's is in March, my kids is in Mid April. So I want to go away in April, but I don't want SS to come in march! LOL
OH, haha that is a totally different story
then. I would still have DH text him and give SS a deadline. He is almost an adult, he needs to start acting like one. Keeping your DH on the edge of his seat if he is coming or not is awful and shouldn't be accepted as being okay.
SD is 5 and sometimes in person doesn't respond to a question especially when asking for a confirmation from her that she heard what you told her and understands, this drive me NUTS. Usually only happens once or maybe twice after being at BMs for a period of time and each time I explain to her that when someone is talking to you and asks a question especially an adult it is not okay to ignore them or not answer. After that conversation, SD stops the behavior and she is 5. SS is 17 and the fact he thinks it is okay to ignore his dad, is terrible.
I'd probably tell DH what you
I'd probably tell DH what you did - that it's his kid, his call. I might go further and say "You know how I feel about how he treats you, so I'd prefer not to spend any time alone with him." Is your DH planning to take leave if SS comes?
It’s unfair not to have SS come for a visit
I understand where you are coming from. But DH is SS father, SS has a right to visit his father. You only have to put up with it for a week. You can make plans that week to keep busy. Hair appointment, have shopping to do. Travel agent, getting your trip with your kids set up. That can take a week ,, lots of research on that trip. then checking the research.
Let DH and SS have alone time. They can cook clean the house, do fun things.
But I would not let SS control your life. SS has until first week in February to decide if he's coming or not. Then that it no changing after that.
You then make your plans with your kids
Its not quite as simple
OP's DH is in the military so can't always be around. And SS can't be trusted. He