Don’t call me Mom
I feel repulsed every time my step child walks in through the door and yells," Hi mom!". I am 24 and I don't have children, and it wouldn't bother me if he called me by my name. I correct him but it does nothing. He is 6 years old and an absolute terror/jerk .
Dinner time comes around and I am in the kitchen, he walks in to ask" mom, what is for dinner?", I feel my heart pounding with rage and swear I want to throw everything I have prepared away. I want to scream “ I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER !!!”, but I feel guilty. I say “ stay out of the kitchen,” refusing to answer his questions. I feel another stab of guilt flow through my stomach.
As soon as dinner is on the table he is sitting there, demanding that I serve him. We eat to the sound of his loud chewing, and as every second goes by I become more frustrated. I always leave fist, not able to sit there for another second in his presence. Rushing to my room I listen to music and try to calm my pounding heart. I find myself wanting to cry and pound my head into a wall at the same time. This happens everyday, for seven excruciating days. He then goes back to his moms house and I feel a weight lift off my shoulders. The time that he spends with his mother is never long enough (We have 50/50 custody). Can I live like this? Can I let go of my resentment? Can I sit through a dinner without feeling overwhelmed ? Can I stand him calling me mom? .... I honestly don’t know.
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You need to say just that:
You need to say just that: “Hey, SS...I am not your mom. I know maybe you’re comfortable enough with me, but I’m not comfortable with you calling me that, since you have a Mom.” Enforce it. Repeat it. Again and again.
Did your DH encourage this? Or does he say it just to be a PITA? Does your DH ever correct his behavior?
I have expressed my desire to
I have expressed my desire to not be called mom to both. My SO has tried to correct him, problem is that his mom encourages him to call me mom. Why you might ask? Well it's complicated. She wants him to call her husband dad, so she encourages him to call me mom. I know it sounds weird but his mom is ... different.
I know that feeling. SDrama
I know that feeling. SDrama was trying to call meMom after Skankula and her ex-DuH basically FORCED HER to call him Dad...bc they were married first, I hadn’t married DH yet. DH nipped it in the butt bc I wasn’t comfortable with it either.
In opposite of the usual
In opposite of the usual posting. Your SO should run. Jesus the kid is asking what's for dinner ? He's 6. if you have a problem talk to your SO about the mom bit but this is a little much for some pretty regular 6 year old behavior.
You didn't really explain in your last post - what does this kid actually do? You said "he destroys everything" but what is the kid actually doing?
I'm only a bit older than you. I was engaged to my SO at your age. Sometimes as a younger childless person we simply have no clue. I don't mean that in a demeaning way but we don't have a lot of peers with kids or kids ourselves so getting into it is frankly horrifying . It's either leave him or live to cope.
Also kids can irritate everyone - parents included. So you do need to talk to your SO and figure it out
Yes you are right, I have no
Yes you are right, I have no clue what a 6 year old is suppose to act. I know that I don't have patience and that a question like what is for dinner shouldn't make me upset. But that is why I'm here right?
what does he do? Let start with he kicks holes in the wall when he throws a temper tantrum. He is encouraged by his mother to express all of his emotions. He likes to lay on the floor and just scream when the word no is used. It's so bad that he has to go to behavioral therapy. His toys are a whole problem on their own, he doesn't care for them nor does he respect the rules given to him. Just last week I came home from work and he was pounding our dog with his bat in the back yard. I don't know you tell me, is that normal behavior for a six year old? Is it normal for him to be a complete jerk to me when his dad is not home( ex. Throwing dog poop at the house) , and then act like a sweet child when his dad walks through the door?
So the tantrums are obviously
So the tantrums are obviously terrible but if this kid was hurting a furry baby.yikes.
Nope. Run and take the dog with.
Yep, this would be a hell no
Yep, this would be a hell no from me also.
I will add, his mom sounds
I will add, his mom sounds like a nutcase, so he likely won't get better.
The kid's behavior isn't
The kid's behavior isn't normal. Your choice to remain in that situation isn't normal either.
You aren't married to that man and you aren't financially dependent upon him. You can walk away from that craziness at any time.
We are married, and when we
We are married, and when we got married his kid was only 3 so he wasn't this uncontrollable.
You can still walk away.
You can still walk away. There's no reason to stay in a situation that brings you this much misery.
No wonder
No wonder you don't want him calling you mum it because you dont want to be associated or looked at for his bad behavior. You dont want him to be recognized as your son. Because you know if he was your son he would not be standing in the backyard bashing the family dog or doing the many other bad things he does. It not that he calling you mum it you just want nothing to do with the madness he brings. People thinking you had anything to do with this evil spawn.
If he calling you mum you cant detached yourself from the situation or bad behaviour. Point your finger at who fault it really is the bio parents.
That the thing with step parenting you have these little brats that you really have no say so over. But everyone still looking at you to curb there behaviour and bringing them up to be perfect citizens but you have no actual control in how they are bought up.
You say no they ask the bio they say yes you say they shouldnt do that the bio says why cant they?? You say your grounded bio says go out and play. If you question bio rules you get in a fight being a evil step. Need to lighten up.
But what bio dont realise is we have to live with this shit. And everyone also looks at us when the child behavior isnt good.
OP, your situation is nuts.
OP, your situation is nuts. Your DH expects you to take 100% care of his kid, to the point where he won't feed the kid if you don't do it. Time to let him know that if he wants to stay married, there needs to be some changes. I'd expect more support from a father if I WAS the mother than your DH gives you as a stepmother. He doesn't get to dump all parenting on you because you have a vagina. If he doesn't want to be a parent to his son, he should give BM sole custody and see the kid a few hours on the weekend.
BUT, you are allowing this. You can't change DH's expectations, but you can sure change your behavior. Let him know you are at the end of your rope and changes need to be made. If he can't step up then he never valued you, he only valued having a nanny for his son. Stop living this way.
Only you determine what a
Only you determine what a child will call you. So, fix it.
I suggest that you take an engaging and soft approach but you're the only one who determins what a child will call you.