I just discovered this website today, and like many of you, just need a place to vent and get some advice from some people who are (maybe) going through the same thing that I am. Sometimes I feel like I am going through stuff that no one else is going through, and that the issues are never going to be resolved and are just endless.

First of all, I have been with my boyfriend for the past 3 years. We have survived a deployment in Iraq, and have been living together for 1 1/2 years. He has been separated for 7 years, divorced for roughly 4. He has two kids, aged 8 and 9 1/2. The divorce was really ugly.

The son (9 1/2) has some really really serious emotional issues. He has extreme anger, and throws fits that I have never seen another kid through. He is also defiant and reverts back into a todller-esque behavoir on occasion, especially to maniuplate the father/mother/grandmother. He also carries around FOUR baby blankets...and can't be without them (per a quote directly from him) for more than 8 hours. But on the other hand, is very smart and can be totally sweet and great to be around. So...that is the son.

The daughter (8) typically is pretty easy to have around and is pretty pleasant. In the past 6-12 months, she has become increasingly whiny, defiant, and mean. She lies, she does things to torment her brother on purpose that are mean, and she screams and cries to get her way. She stomps around, slams doors, and loves to say "no" to adults. So that is the daughter.

Yesterday was a pretty rough day. Today was mostly okay (we only get the kids every other weekend, per the agreement). Unfortunately, while we were in the son's room helping him go through winter clothing for the upcoming fall/winter, my boyfriend was looking for a sticker that had come off the clothing, and found a $100 bill crumpled up and hidden under a toy. Both of us looked at it with shock, and then when the son was confronted, he totally shut down. Everytime after that, when my boyfriend tried to talk to the son, he screamed and cried and shut down. Of course, we are suspecting that he stole it from a drawer where we have money saved away for an upcoming vacation.

Here is my situation. There was no punishment for this action, and my BF doesn't understand why I am so upset by all of this. The stealing, the lying, the non-punishment...I just don't agree.

The mother is pretty neglectful and doesn't discipline...so it's almost like the kids don't know right from wrong. The discipline is really unbalanced..they go to their grandmother's a lot (the BF's mom) and she babies and coddles the children. So they go from our house (mostly with discipline) to their mom's (no discipline, and works all the time or goes out with her boyfriend) to their grandmother's (lots of coddling and no discipline). When the kids come from the mom's house, they more often than not have on raggedy clothes/shoes, and sometimes haven't bathed in days and smell pretty badly. They are allowed to stay home by themselves (not sure for how long...but the son showed up this week with his own house key) and walk to school alone. We also found out last night that sometimes the son sits in the car while his mom and her boyfriend eat dinner together in a restaurant. (not sure where the daughter is when that happens)

Recently, due to the anger issues and other misbehavior, the son went to (one) counseling session. The doctor determined that he has anxiety and lots of sadness, so now he is on Zoloft. I am not sure that this is the right thing for him to be on, as he doesn't seem to exhibit any signs of anxiety or depression.

Additionally, yesterday a stranger asked me if he was autistic, and stated that he should be tested for autism. But I am not the mother...and no one has ever said anything to the parents and it's not my place to say anything. They seem to all just want to ignore it or put him on medication, and sometimes it feels like as long as it is SOME solution, even if it isn't the right one...then it doesn't matter.

I love my boyfriend very much, and we are going to get married and have a baby together in the next few years. I guess I just want someone to talk to who maybe goes through this also...and can offer some advice on how to handle all of these issues.