One year anniversary of living in step-hell
It was one year this week that Bar Whore dumped SD13 on us.
One full year of living in step-hell has brought about many changes, none of them good.
I can honestly say this has been the WORST year of my entire life. I have never been so chronically unhappy.
Before I entered step-hell DH and I had an awesome marriage. Now we're barely hanging on.
My fibromyalgia has flared nearly nonstop since the advent of step-hell.
Living in step-hell has brought on frequent panic attacks necessitating that I be on anti-anxiety meds for the first time in my life.
According to the tests I am required to run on the patients I admit (I am a nurse) I am clinically depressed.
I have little interest in things that previously made me happy.
I have little interest in much of anything except escape.
I am no longer a positive person.
My family who live several hundred miles from me threaten to "come get" me on a weekly basis because I've changed so much.
Is this the inevitable outcome of being a stepmother? If so, WHY DOES NO ONE WARN US!?! I seriously wish I'd never laid eyes on my DH or his brat.
That is all...
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Comments
So sorry you're having such a
So sorry you're having such a difficult time right now. It sounds like you have a supportive family, any way you could let them get you for a much needed vacation?
I'm terrified of this same thing happening to me if SD ever moves in with us full-time!
I still want to move back
I still want to move back home sooooo badly. Right now, according to DH, we don't have the money. I say f*ck the money and let's go anyway. I have lots of family who would gladly skooch over to fit us in until we could save up a little money and sell this house. He doesn't want to "depend" on anyone else so we are still sitting here.
But even if we go SD13 is going with us because I am stupid and agreed she could
.
I am seriously thinking about going by myself and leaving DH here. That seems to be the only solution. I wish I didn't still love him, but just this morning I was telling my sister that maybe I'm not really "loving" him... I'm "loving" the man he was and the marriage he had before he let SD13 move in on me with the admitted intention of wrecking our marriage. So maybe I will be moving soon?
Way way WAYYYYY too
Way way WAYYYYY too familiar.
Katielee! Haven't seen you around in ages. Sorry. I was hoping that meant you were doing GREAT!!!!
Me, not so much. OH and the skids are GONE.
And I am embarking on a whole new life.
Your SD and My SD. Man they are so much the same. It was mine's sole intent to split us up as well, and she succeeded. And he can now admit that. Meh. Wouldn't it have been nice if he could have seen that 2-3 years ago, instead of letting me take all this crap and then seeing it TOO LATE.
Do what you have to do to get YOU back honey. If that's leaving him then just do it. You will be amazed at how much better you will feel - so DAMN quickly!
Oh wow, luchay... I didn't
Oh wow, luchay... I didn't realize your OH was gone... I feel bad for you but envy you all at the same time. I wish you all the best. You sooo deserve peace and happiness after all you've put up with.
It's awesome to hear that it IS possible to get yourself back. I feel like my whole personality has changed so much... turned me into a negative person so much so that I am afraid I'll never get "me" back.
But then again, this is Thursday morning. SD13 spent last night with BM and won't be back until tonight and my home feels so PEACEFUL. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what is causing my anxiety/depression problems.
UGH... I wish I had the strength to just get up and leave. I am working on it... just not there yet:(
Prior to us getting married
Prior to us getting married he just agreed that he believed in the same values and parenting that i did
OMG - mine was the same! THAT more than anything else I think really annoys me. I did ALL the right stuff before we moved in together, had ALL the right conversations, put in place rules and expectations etc. And as it turns out he was just going along to get along. And look where that bloody well gets you!
That's what I'm worried
That's what I'm worried about. Will I ever regain any respect for DH? At this point I don't even like him. Maybe I'm just hoping against hope that we even have any marriage left.
Naw he gave up that lie a
Naw he gave up that lie a long time ago.
We did okay for a little
We did okay for a little while. In lieu of leaving SD13 here when we "moved" he cracked down on her for awhile and we were okay, but that only lasted a couple of months then things slowly went back to the way they were before. I am worse now than I've ever been, I think. I just took three online tests that said I was severely depressed and needed help
I knew that, I guess, but I'm just accepting it. These past few days I've been spontaneously crying off and on, so that was kinda my wake up call. Trying to figure out what to do...
I feel your pain and sd8 is
I feel your pain and sd8 is only with us half the week!!! I too have a miniwife sd and recently dh and I got back into counseling with a therapist who has experience with blended families. She heard me out and told Dh that he absolutely has to put me as his first priority and to stop allowing sd to come between us physically,verbally,etc. It is beyond refreshing to have a PhD telling dh that what he is doing to me is hurtful and wrong. I don't know if you have considered therapy with your dh. Dh said he wanted to make our marriage better and the therapist is telling him exactly how to improve it. He will either put her advice into action or continue to be an asshat and lose me.
Have you tried finding a therapist who has experience with blended families?
I have asked my DH about
I have asked my DH about counseling but he really doesn't believe in it and doesn't want to go. I think my DH honestly tries but he doesn't understand that it starts in the heart. The things that bother me the most he doesn't do on purpose. It's just his instinct to think of her as himself. Does that make sense?
Like for example:
I mentioned going on a date with DH because we haven't gone out in ages. He said "We could go to XXXX and have some crab legs!" Then almost immediately, "Wait. Never mind. SD13 is home and she would be mad if I had crab legs without her." So I dropped the subject and he didn't mention a date again.
He asked what we were having for dinner. I told him chili because it is cheap. He said he'd rather I made hamburgers out of the meat. So while we were at the store I ordered extra hamburger meat so we could make hamburgers. Then he saw the cube steaks and said, "I'd rather have country fried steak. Will you fry me up a cube steak and you all can go ahead and make chili?" I told him "Sure" thinking I'd throw him a cube steak in my little cast iron skillet. Not much trouble. But he got two HUGE cube steaks. I was like, "Hunny, you won't eat that much!" He said, "But SD13 might want one too..." Okay... :sick: What about DD21? She loves country fried steak. And truth be known I would rather have had the country fried steak, too, but we were trying to be cheap and I had already ordered the hamburger. So needless to say, he wound up with the chili.
So it seems like he lumps himself with SD and I'm just hanging out there somewhere by myself. I do NOT do the same with my daughter, btw. When I got married at this age, I expected to be somebody's "person" and I'm sorry but I'm having a hard time settling for anything less.
I am so angry for you,this is
I am so angry for you,this is OUTRAGEOUS! No wonder you are so depressed. Your dh is a piss poor partner to you. He should be thinking of YOU first,not sd. He has created a monster doing that with her. It's as if you are not even an afterthought in your own damn house.
Regardless of how dh is treating you,you are valuable.I recommend you go seek counseling immediately for yourself. Dh should be putting you,his wife,on a pedestal,not bratty sd!!!!! You will start to feel so much better being validated by a professional therapist who will help you to navigate thru this and to make decisions based on your good health!!
We are having a lot of
We are having a lot of financial problems (mostly due to my decreased ability to work secondary to fibromyalgia) but I am trying to save up the money to go to the doctor and get on an anti-depressant. I would love counseling but we just don't have the money right now and no insurance:(
I bet my mama would pay for me to go to the doctor but then I'd have to tell her about all of this. I don't want her to worry:(
I have thought about this,
I have thought about this, too, but my DD21 is suffering from severe anxiety right now and it's very hard to move her around too much. Otherwise, I'd probably have already done the "I'll see you when I see you" thing. I really think something like this would freak him out enough to make him take notice, but I'm kind of stuck here at present:(
DD and I are going to talk to her psychiatrist next month about managing her anxiety over a move to a different state.
"Living in step-hell has
"Living in step-hell has brought on frequent panic attacks necessitating that I be on anti-anxiety meds for the first time in my life."
This happened to me, too, and my skids aren't even here full time. And after less than two years of marriage. (((Hugs)))
I've read many of your words
I've read many of your words since you're living my worst nightmare... and I just want to say that even though you've gone through all this bullshit, your words have actually helped me a lot! I hope that you come out of this stronger. The calm comes after the chaos. (((hugs)))
Sally. I think I love
Sally. I think I love you.
You crack me up and I LOVE the dolls idea.
Sally LOL I LOVE this post.
Sally LOL I LOVE this post. Thanks for making me laugh. I was watching Gilmore Girls a couple days ago and Loralei said something along the same lines... her mother used to bother her until she decided to be amused by it. My daughter has been telling me to laugh it off ever since.
And the voodoo... I think I could get into that lol. But Ima need more needles and a Bar Whore doll lolol.
Thanks for helping me get my cackle back:D
Muhahahaha!