They Looked Like One Big Happy Family
This evening I had a friend come over and teach me how to make biscuits. While I was inside with her, BM came over to pick up SD11. DH called me and told me to have SD come outside, that her mother was there to pick her up. I told her and didn't think anything else about it. Then I happened to look out the front window and BM was outside talking to DH. I was a bit irritated but just shook it off and went back to baking. About a half an hour later SD11 came in specifically to tell me her mom was still outside. Then a few minutes later, my friend needed to walk outside and smoke, and lo and behold, BM is STILL outside talking to husband. She left the second we came outside.
My feelings are so hurt. They looked like one big happy family, the three of them. I told my DH how I feel but he says he wants to remain friends with her because she is the mother of his child. I feel like just leaving him to them. I don't know if there's room enough in his life for a wife. He already has a family.
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Absolutely unacceptable
Absolutely unacceptable unless YOU are okay with it - and you are not.
Being friendly and cordial is not the same as having an intimate personal relationship - and intimate does not always mean physical. Your DH having his ex as his one of his besties is what is known as an emotional affair. An EA can be just as destructive as a physical affair.
I would be livid. If they
I would be livid. If they wanted to stay friends they shouldn't have gotten divorced. They can be cordial without having long catch up conversations. Their communication should be limited to business like and preferably by email. Both have the violated boundaries and disrespected you. That's why it gets to you.
You are not overreacting. Your DH doesn't have to agree with you but he should respect your position as his wife.
Why do I think some men get an ego boost from two women vying for their attention. That may be all this is. I'd bet BM was probably flirting. DH should cut the conversation short next time or not talk at all.
I know a woman who is besties
I know a woman who is besties with her ex. They talk multiple times day and every once in awhile have a roll in the hay for old times' sake. They have been divorced for 25 years. He's still married to the woman he left her for. They are nuts.
I've posted about this before
I've posted about this before too -- DH and BM have been divorced for a LONG time, most of that time I was not in the picture. So I'm sure DH went along to get along... and I'm also sure he sees nothing wrong with it.
But it pisses me the hell off when I hear him telling her OUR business -- we're going shopping for x.y.z; we're doing this or that home improvement; OR, he tells me BM had a bumper crop of veggies (as he hands me a bag of them, WTFE!!); or BM got a new couch, blah blah blah.
It's hard enough to accept what I call the First Life/First Wife scenario, but really MUST he continue on like this?
Finally I told him he could be BFF's with her or whatever, but 1) I didn't want to hear about it, and 2) I do not want him sharing ANYTHING that even remotely touches my life.
It's sooo difficult to deal with, and I feel for you. I used to HATE when she would bring the skids over and want to stand and TALK with DH about nothing pertaining to said skids. But I quickly realized THAT was her way of "pissing on trees", or at least trying to. She wanted to continue to mark her territory and make sure I knew it.
I would be upfront with your DH and let him know that where as you're all about him being cordial with the BM, chatting each other up in the front yard is crossing the line.
Try not to let it burn you to
Try not to let it burn you to bad sweetie...it'll only make you feel worse. My FDH is a talker and I mean a TALKER. Lord, I halfway can't even get a word in edgewise, lol. Is your DH like that? A people person who sometimes just can't keep his pie-hole shut?
My DH is the biggest talker
My DH is the biggest talker in the world. He could have a 3 hour conversation with a tree. But he knows that doing that will BM is crossing the line. So with her it is "yes" "no" "okay" etc. No real conversation.
I read him some of these
I read him some of these comments and he really seemed to feel bad and he says he will limit his conversations with her in the future. I love the laundry idea. If we have this issue again, I might use that:D
I think he really tries. He just does not think and he is totally oblivious to the games women play.
My friend that was over to teach me to make biscuits is actually DH's friend from many years back. She knew him when he was married to BM, and she told me he really did NOT ever love her...just married her because she was pregnant. But she admitted yesterday that BM still loves him. She said, "You can see it all over her." So I'm not imagining things when I say she is still totally in love with him even after 6 years of being divorced.
Do NOT tell your DH that you
Do NOT tell your DH that you know BM still loves him because it could cause more problems down the line for you. DH doesn't need to know how BM feels.
Your DH surely crossed the line and personally I don't believe that he is that stupid or niave that he couldn't have figured out what BM was up too.
I think he liked the attention and basically didn't take YOUR feelings or emotions into consideration.
If by some SLIM chance that your DH is that niave I would sit down with him immediately and let him know what is crossing the line in regards to BM so that next time he cannot use that line on you.
I don't have any advice for
I don't have any advice for you - but just know that you are not alone. My step-son and oldest bio played on the same football team so at the games it would be me, my DH, my youngest bio and then also fat-whore-BM and her husband (also known as, the guy she left her husband and kids for).
Well, I would sit in the bleachers with my little guy and my DH would stand near the filed so he could get a better view. Every single game, fat-whore-BM would sidle right up to him and talk to him for the whole game. Leaving her husband in the bleachers alone.
I would think the same as you - "awww, look at the nice couple".