As hard as it is. The whole part about it'll all go away in a few years simply isn't true. There are plenty of examples on here of 20, 30 and even 50 something mini wives still completely controlling their weak fathers. 

This is awful but I agree with Lifer, you should give up on this relationship unless your DH can put you first.  He has completely given the power to his youngest child and its going to be hard from him to get it back even if he wants to, which he doesn't seem to want at the moment.

You may get lucky and when she doesn't have you to blame everything on and your DH is living in flith and taking his child's abuse he may realise that you were right.  But more likely his misery will be blamed on you too.

I think you should look for a therapist to help you talk through the reasons you think this relationship is worth try to salvage.

Love isn't enough. If love were enough, few people would get divorced or break up because it's usually not a lack of love that ends relationships. Love typically endures the end of relationships much longer than most of us would like.

You two aren't compatible. He thinks it's okay to be a doormat to his kids. He thinks his kid's comfort and laziness trump the respect and comfort of an equal partner. He lets his kid bully him, and he's upset that you won't allow yourself to be bullied, too.

So, make the decision. Either continue to date him as-is, flaws and all, apart. Or, recognize that this sucks, it hurts, but the relationship was broken even though you love him. Those things aren't mutually exclusive, but love also can't make up for bad parenting, poor boundaries, and a noodly spine.

Cry, scream, hate-f**k a hot cowboy - whatever. Just don't go back to a bad relationship because of love. Grieve it, remember the good times, but don't put yourself in a position to get hurt by someone who doesn't care that it hurts you.

Another think to think about - the unbelievable stress of having to be a caregiver to someone with a disease like Parkinson's while dealing with his min-wife. Caregiving is hard enough when you have a fully supportive family, but throw in drama with his daughters? It will make your life a living hell.

as I know we are sooo good together when his girls are not involved, he says give it a couple years living apart

The only thing that will change in a couple of years, is that everybody will be a couple of years older. His girls will always be involved and they will most likely get even better at manipulating their dad.

I know it's hard, but it really is time to think about letting this relationship go. You've already done the hard part, moving out. You are already doing the grieving. I think you know, in your gut, that him asking you to move out was the end. Otherwise, it wouldn't be so hard, you wouldn't be crying all of the time.

Some couples can live separately and make it work but in those cases, it seems the burden was lifted from both parties by living apart. In your case, his daughters get what they want, he gets what he wants (making his daughters happy) and you are miserable.

Eight years into a relationship and he's asking you to wait a couple of years for him to get his head out of his ass. Ain't gonna happen.

Shellpell's comment got me thinking.  Are you married?

If you aren't, I can easily see a scenario where you care for this person through a difficult debiliating disease and as soon as he is hospitalised or dies the daughters cut you out of the situation completely.  You'd have no rights to be with him in hospital, to be the one to bury him, nothing.  Making sure that I had these rights was literally the only reason I bothered to get married. (I love my DH and plan to be with him but I never understood the point of marriage until I saw the fall our from a friend's unplanned death)

If you are married, can you trust him not to have willed everything to his daughters leaving you with nothing after you sacrifice years to be his caretaker?

He wants you to be his booty call.  He dumped, but you can run far from him and not accept crumbs.  You are better than that.  If he sees you sit back and take this and show up to warm his bed when it is convenient to him, he will have no respect for you.  Not that it looks like he does now - he is not worth it.

But if you stay with this weak man, he will only continue to hurt you.

This guy isn't a "partner". Partners operate as a committed team and jointly rule their "kingdom". Nope, he's a cake eater. In his hierarchy of needs, his daughters are on a higher level than you. His daughter(s) were able to successfully manipulate him into getting rid of you because he's enmeshed with them. And he's trying to get you to accept this mistreatment and betrayal by offering an arrangement that still gives him everything he wants. He'll have a home life with his true partners, while you'll be the side piece who provides sex and adult companionship, with nursing and support as his illness progresses. In his mind, it's the perfect plan - for him.  But do you see how incredibly selfish and self serving this is? Where is the concern for your needs or happiness?

Please read everything you can find on enmeshment a.k.a. emotional incest. Use this site's search box to find and read the blogs of enuf and Dunwiththem, two ladies who offer insight into being married to men who were enmeshed with their kids. Enmeshment doesn't stop on its own or go away when the kids become adults because it cripples them emotionally. Parent and child become dependent on each other for certain emotional needs, and the dynamic can only be changed if one of them gets serious therapy.

You can't begin healing/move forward until you accept that you are never going to be Number One or get your needs met by this man because he simply isn't emotionally available. At best he's a selfish crap parent, and at worst he's got a mental health issue. He's shown you that you are dispensable, and you can't unknow that.

Quit giving him so much power, and start doing what's healthiest for you. Go no contact so you can focus on yourself and your bios. A broken heart can heal, but not if the person who broke it keeps coming in and out of your life.

One last thing - everything I know about enmeshment comes from seeing it. My FIL was enmeshed with his daughters, and to a lesser degree with his granddaughters. It continued until he died, keeping his daughters in a close orbit even while married or living in their own homes. I have a SIL nearly sixty who's had a life of suffering and addiction. FIL was still enabling her on the day he died, and she literally can't take care of herself or have a healthy relationship because of the dependency that he fostered between them. That's what you're up against.

Your DH is a sh*tty partner and a Sh*tty parent. It took me many years to stand up to my DAH(Dumb A$$ Husband) and SD38, DO NOT let yourself think that everything will be fine when this girls leaves for college. Your DH is so enmeshed with his daughter that she will be back and your life with be another yoyo of moving out again.

I am 30+ years with DAH and it took me almost 27 years to finally stand up for myself, now that SD38 is not in our lives we are slowly building our relationship. I know that in the back of my mind that SD38 could show up and DAH could backslide into his old ways, If he does that will be the last straw and I will file for divorce. Read my blogs and you will see what StepHell can be like, with a enmeshed father.

You need to start over, give yourself time to heal from this relationship ending. DO NOT continue being at his beck and call or being his side piece. 

Read through all the blogs on here about the subject and you will read horror stories of relationships falling apart due to a sh*tty parenting of a entitled step brat.

I am stuck at him allowing cat poo to sit on the carpet and not either make his daughter do it or clean it up himself. That is just ewww.

What is to be gained in the long run? His daughter will always be his first priority because she is his daughter and you are an adult who can look after herself. So instead of sitting by waiting for 2 magic years to pass, move on with your life. You dont need to date but you can travel alone or with one of your children. You can take a course in photography or weaving or aztec pottery if you wanty. Join Facebook groups about things that interest you. Not your partner or your kids, But you.

Date him but never discuss his daughter. If he brings her up be neutral. He will ask your advice but you respond with "I am sure you've got this covered,... I can't comment because that would be unfair, Maybe speak to her mother.." Slowly gain your own identity back and you will find other things that interest you beyond a man who allows cat poo to fester in the carpet. Or is OK tripping over her shoes and breaking a leg.

You can extract yourself over time or today forever. But as long as he asks you to wait for his princess to graduate ..... Even if you go back in 2 years be fully expected to stay somewhere else when she comes to visit. He thinks he is a good father but really he is emotionally crippling his daughter for her future. She cannot be responsible for herself or take care of herself. Is that what any of us want for our children?   

This idea of your children being the centre of your world is so weird. You give birth to kids, raise them to take care of themselves and then let them loose, If they fall and need a hand, you extend it. But they get one false start then they are on their own to work out how life works for them. You do not allow your teenaged kids to call the shots.

Kat_Mat, if you love this man so much,  I am assuming you want to marry him right? Why stay with a man for 8+ years who hasn't made a real commitment to you?  I know there are exceptions but after 1-2 years of being with him with no engagement or marriage why stay? That wasn't a red flag? A red flag that he doesn't value or respect you?

As women we have to teach men how to treat us. Unfortunately, you have taught this man that he can treat you poorly.  And guess what? He's running with it as far as he can take it. Asking you to move out because of his mini-wife but still asking you to be in a relationship with him? Why entertain his bs? What was your response to him? Personally, I would have went off on him and told him he could go to hell and take his daughter wirh him before I would settle for such an arrangement. Do ypu have daughters? If so, is this setting a good example for them? No way in hell would I give this man a decade or more of my life.

You said "My kids are wondering why am I putting myself through the torture, "he's kicked you out, why do you still want him." Your kids are thinking logically with that statement. Please get some therapy so you can heal and live a healthy and happy life for yourself and your kids.

You said "They don't understand, I don't understand. How can one child and her older sister who stands by her dictate my life, our life." Because HE allows it. Just because he allows it doesn't mean you have to.

.You said " I just cry all the time, I love him but he had no balls when it comes to his kids. I don't know what to do!" I know you are hurting., but if I were you I would leave and never look back. Haven't you ever heard the old saying "Don't make a man tell you or show you he doesn't want you more than once?" This applies to you. Definitely hopeful you do what's best for you and your kids. Good luck.

Please don't delude yourself into thinking things will change in 2 years, because they won't.  Your partner has made it clear that even after 8 years you are not a priority.  His daughter is more important than you are, but he wants to keep you on the back burner so he has someone available when his true love and princess moves out to go to college.  In other words,  he's using you. He expects you to play along, probably because you've shown him over the years that he can push you around.  But while his daughter may move out in 2 years, she'll still be his priority and she'll have multiple opportunities to make you miserable. 

Show him a new you.  Dump him.  Don't allow yourself to be disrespected.  Have some self worth.  You can find a better partner if you want one,  because this guy is a TERRIBLE partner.  I'm stunned that he had the nerve to even propose this to you.  Just get out of the relationship - he's not worth it. 

But I see this all the time "if not for the skids, he is the PERFECT man/partner/husband/boyfriend"

Please, take some time to grieve this relationship.

Living apart and being "together", after 8 years, in hopes that things change when the daughter turns 18 is a fantasy line he is holding out to string you along some more.

Dont do this to yourself. Dont do this to your bios.

Good luck! Keep reading and posting, it will give you more perspective.