Once upon a time a man and a woman met, got married, and planned to have a baby. The baby was born and all was fine for a while. Out of nowhere the step-mother-in-law decided these two were unfit for the child. She began to lie and manipulate her step-daughter into divorcing and giving up thier child to her. The father worked three jobs and spent 40,000 dollars fighting for his child, to no avial, the one woth the most money and influence in court wins, not who is right or wrong.
The father spirals into a depression nearly killing himself, if it wasn't for his uncle, he would not be here.
He did move on, still wanting his son, and not being able to even see him without their supervision. The mother moved on as well, and has another child.
The father also met someone and had another child. The new girlfriend and old wife and all the new children got to play together for awhile.
Then the new girlfriend decides to leave the father. He gets to keep his son this time, they made an agreement.
After moving around for a year, they finally settle in one spot.
Then he meets me.
The time he spends with son1 is less and less, because she has a new boyfriend and baby. Also she is ill. She does not take care of her diabetes, and is going blind.
Plus, he has son2 to take care of cause girlfriend is peice of bipolar crap. This girlfreind is nuts, she hangs out with her ex and son from that ex and his new girlfriend, who is pregnant.
She is a cheater and a lier, and tries to kill herself about every other week. She drinks and parties with her babies watching her. They think its funny when the kids cuss and say nasty things.
However, dad does NOT agree with the way she is treating his son2.
When I enter the picture I realize how dangerous a situation the kids are in and of course I want to save them.
So I get him to understand that he has nothing to do with her and that he doesn't have to help her. She won't go to court, cus she knows she'll lose. So we get a lawyer to fight for son2.
Unfortunately we has a crappy lawyer, spent 2,000 dollars and a year later she finally gets the paperwork done. It did no good. The mother decided she wanted to move back home.(four hours away)!
So we have no choice but to share vistation every two weeks and meet her half way. For a year she would show up with a different guy every other month to pick up her son. Meanwhile the poor kid is having medical issues with breathing, and needs albuteral treatments. But she has him in disgusting environments.
We don't have the money to take her to court and try to get custody of him, even though we know we could win. She continues to be a bitch to father, and making our lives hell. She decides to move back with her old boyfriend who lives nearby. And all of a sudden she's mother of the year. She stops pulling psycho shit, and is agreeable when it comes to visitations. I'm still wary, but happy things are settling down.
The kids however have the worst behavior issues. They have no dicsipline at their moms, and do whatever they want, she puts them in diapers when we had him potty trained.
So we still have issues with mother, she just not mom material, but if you have a uterous you can have a kid.
It just seems like its us against them.
She lives with her boyfriend, her ex and thier son! Who would put up with that? She never has a steady job, but always seems to have money, and expects us to just keep up with her spoiling the kid.
Sorry but no, we have our lives we are trying to live. I want to marry him and he wants to marry me, but the last three years have been impossible for me to deal with.
I don't have kids, don't really like kids, and don't have any experience with kids. I babysat a few times with my friend in school. But the youngerst person in our family was two years younger than me, and none was having babies yet.
So I thought it would be good practice for me, being around kids. And at first it was fun, he was one and a half and lived with me and his dad. Now he's four, and he acts like I'm the evil step-mother. Every time he goes to his moms(now every other week)he comes back with bad attitude and behavior.
We try to communicate with her on his progress or lack there of, and she seems to care, but there isn't any change on her end.
For instance potty training, she puts them in good nites and we don't agree with it, it's the same as diapers to us. She says she doesn't do it, but why does the kid pee the bed EVERY day. He is lazy and sits there watching cartoons instead of getting up. Which brings me to my next complaint, TV. She had them in front of the TV since the day they were born, it was the babysitter, so now the kid can't sleep unless a tv is on, he won't be in a good mood unless he does get to do what he wants.
That may be typical child behavior, but I don't like that he relies on tv and video games for entertainment. At our house he gets very little tv time, and it's educational, the video games he gets to play only if he's been good. And they are age appropriate. NOT at his mom's though, his male figures there think it's ok to watch scary movies and play gory fighting games. And she lets it happen, whether she likes it or not. We can talk to her till we are blue in the face and she will still do the wrong thing, just because she can!
It's frustrating for us. I want son2 to be happy and confident and smart, and the other side of his life is holding him back. He's an outgoing kid, loves to pretend play and act. He's a drama queen, and at times it's cute, most of the time it's obnoxious!
I love the kid but she makes me hate him when I see what she's been teaching him come out, Like saying stuff like,"I'm stupid." And I hate this or I hate that, this is stupid, thats stupid. I can't do it, I'm stupid" Where does a four year old learn to talk like that? We don't act like that.
I know he'd be better off with us, but I have too many things going in my life to have him full time. As it is I quit my job to stay home with him, while he's here. His dad works all day(concrete finisher) and is too tired to play with him when he gets home. That makes me sad for son2.
Son1 still isn't in the picture. And a year ago the BM died, due to complications with her diabetes. She left behind a 10 year old son who does know his father and an infant baby.(talk about a selfish person)
Anyway, he tries not to let that get to him, but it does, he eants to be apart of son1's life, but his legal guardians won't have it, and who knows what crap they are filling his head with. At least he knows he's well fed, he saw him at a gas station one day and the kid was about 10 pounds overweight. The way I see it they wanted another kid, couldnt have one of their own, so they paid to have his stolen from him by the courts.
Back to son2 and the one I have to deal with. I am female, and I have urges to want a baby of my own, but after all this crap I don't know if it's even possible or worth it.
I don't think I'm very good at the parent thing, I'm not always in the mood to play, or even be in a good mood. I can't fake happy for the kids sake. I'm still a selfish person after 32 years, I want BD all to myself. I want to be first, even though I know I'm only third. His son, his dad, then me. Which is fine, I understnad that. His dad has been a rock for him and us too. His mother is a looney and his sister. We try to keep the kid away from them too.
My family is so normal and typical and boring. No major drama happens, only when my mom gets married or divorced for the fifth time. And my brother finally had a baby, so I get to be an aunt and be around kids.
It's all new and scary to me, and I wig out alot. He's threatened to leave because I can't handle it sometimes. Somethings go too fast, and others go too slow.
I want to begin our life together, and I fell like I have to get rid of his old life before we can begin our new life. But his "old" life is 4 and a long ways from being on his own. So I want the kid to stay with his mom full time and us on weekends, so I can do what I want to do.
I don't like doing things with sson, it always turns into a fight, if I don't let him do what he wants all the time. I feel like he hates me and I him. I resent him because he's their kid. And we have to wait for ours. But she didn't wait for him, she let herself get knocked up, he said they were drunk. They didn't even get along, it's not fair. Why did he get to have a kid with such a horrible person, but doesn't get to with the one he wanted his whole life.
Why do I have to be good and wait, while worthless people get to have kids everyday? Just cus I'm smart and responsible I have to sacrifice my own happiness, til everyone else is happy.
They still haven't decided where he's going to go to school. Im just fed up, she can have all the rights and responsiblity, after all she's the one who wanted him. BD is just trying to do the right thing and be a dad, and support his family, and try not to fail like he "feels" he did before.
We love each other so much we have both made huge sacrifices on behalf of his kid, and we continue to fight and hope that someday he will grow up and see his mom for who she is and be smart enough to stay distant, and follow our lead. I hope I hear "You were right, I'm glad you were hard on me, it made me a better person."
The way things are going though, he's going to be kicked out of kindergarten. Already got kicked out of karate class for telling the teacher to shut up! This is the kind of stuff she expects us to pay for with her. It's not important, so no. I'll pay for counseling before I pay for fighting classes, he has that down already.