WOW, talk about a 180
Hello Everyone,
I first wish to apologize to the ADHD parents out there because I may have come across a bit harsh but perhaps i am an ADHD denier. YOUR behavior or that of the biological parents is the reason for their behavior and what they think they can getaway with in YOUR home. There is medical conditions that supersede this opinion, but as far as ADHD is concerned, a tough willed parent ruling with an iron fist can sort that out REAL quick. I have personally seen young men in basic training that were better people on the other side of it because of that tough love and being broken down. So, for the most part, please allow us to agree to disagree about the root causes and cures to hyperactivity and focus.
This weekend was WONDERFUL!!!! No arguing, no pressure, I have really backed down and made it clear to the SO that I do not want move in until she asked me. I have never seen someone do such a 180 in behavior in my life. I can see no downside except for my current living situation which may very well play out to my favor in just a few weeks should my roomies not find a house. Whatever the outcome, I will overcome.
I plan on having a man to man with the SS12 sometime in the immediate future about how he handles stress. I came off this morning a bit frazzled and he teared up.
The Bradley- For Christmas I purchased for my SO a cute little puppy and he has been part of our happy home for seven months six months now (he is seven months). Haha, the SO and I like to say he was a puppy for about 5 min. and then began on his quest to dominate the house. He is now a non-fixed, 100lb Rottweiler that quite honestly has changed my negative perception of big dogs. He is a sweetie!! However he IS big, and the el-cheapo baby gate we have is merely a pawing to get past these days. I work nights and find it difficult to reverse my schedule on the weekends so I either sleep in or go without to spend time with my fam. Last night was a tough one as I so wanted to crash in my loving SO's arms, but just couldn't. So I stayed up. Right around 5AM I gave that pooch a good walking and fed him and hoped to catch a couple of hours of shut-eye before everyone was craving breakfast. As much as I tried, I could not get the dog to stay downstairs, he kept wanting to get to mommie whom was fast asleep. Knowing the boys had passed out early I (around 7AM) opened their door and asked them to watch the dog for a bit. The oldest SS schlooped out of bed and said OK. Shortly thereafter the house erupted with dog barks and kid commands. I was not going to sleep. I went to the balcony and asked what was going on as the dog proceeded to bark and want to play. With frustrated words I admit I came down a tad harsh, but not hard, on the boy that I feel could have properly solved this dogs issues. In his frustration, brought on by mine, he began to tear up. I apologized later and still feel bad for projecting my frustrations on him, but I wish he would have handled it a bit differently than crying.
I wish he would have addressed me with the issues at hand and approached the frustration he obviously felt with clear and rational replies when speaking to me. Perhaps it is a bit of guilt I feel because I know I was frazzled, but I want him to be able to handle stress and deal with it in a different manner.
'My approach my be unpopular, my methods harsh, but I am making MEN here, not over-grown children'
-Kevin The Man
BTW- more weekends like this, PLEASE!! Fantastic got new baby-gate!!!
- Kevin The Man's blog
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Comments
Have a SS12 almost 13 who is ADD
and my SO keeps pulling the "he can't help it" card whenever I get frustrated with his behaviour. SS12 also is quick to resort to tears when you raise your voice to him. I agree that tough love is required and believe that this kid smooches along on daddy's sympathy at the best of times. Gee but your SO & kids are a tad inconsiderate of your night-working schedule! The kids are also old enough to understand what a lack of sleep can do to a person. I symphathize. GLad the SO has done a 180 turnaround regarding her behaviour. I would still be cautious, if I were you. Blending families is hair-raising and resentments soon grow into mountains if left unresolved. I wish you the best of luck!
My dog taught me how to be a better parent
Hi Kevin,
I laughed when I read about your rottie. We have a 4 1/2 month-old newf who's gaining about half a pound a day. He's also entering his adolescence and getting a bit cheeky; this morning I changed his routine a bit to make him earn his breakfast with a walk - the first part of the walk was more like a pull (as in me dragging his reluctant butt down the sidewalk... he wouldn't DREAM of pulling me at this point). This dog will be trained as my service dog, and he'll soon be about 160 lbs, so it's vitally important that he follow commands and learn who's boss. He may be cute and fuzzy now, but we treat every interaction with him as if he's a full-grown newfoundland who could easily overpower us.
Anyway, I just recommend that you and everyone else who cares for the dog watch "The Dog Whisperer". Cesar Milan taught me about how we need to establish our positions as pack leader with calm, assertive energy. Since applying these methods, we're doing very well with the huge puppy, AND with the teenager! Becoming a pack leader with the dog has empowered me to use the same calm, assertive energy with my daughter (most of the time). It has also calmed my fiance as he applies the same techniques with his SD and his own children. Being aware of your own energy and state of mind works wonders in family relationships!
Glad to hear things are working out with SO. Good luck.
MY son has ADHD/ODD
We've tried the tough love,behavior crackdown routine...it doesn't work for all children.
ADHD isn't an excuse for bad behavior and the bad behavior needs to be addressed but when you're addressing the behavior, as an adult you need to keep it in the back of your mind that the child honestly MAY NOT be able to help SOME of the things they do. Obviously that isn't an excuse and discipline still needs to be a priority,but the type of discipline may need to be different to accomodate an adhd child.
As far as the kid "handling it better" other than crying...I'm an adult and when someone speaks to me in a frustrated manner I have to check myself to keep from getting teary eyed. For some people,kids and adults, crying or getting misty eyed is a nervous reaction like laughing at a funeral...you don't know why you're doing it but it comes out anyway. This kid has had mommy all to himself for all these years then you come along with your different work schedule,buying a huge dog, taking up mommy time...of course he's gonna cry if you speak to him in a frustrated manner. On the flip side of that, it needs to be said that some kids just cry for sympathy and attention, you have to figure out what his intentions are when he's crying...if he even has any intentions.
"We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled.”
GOOD LUCK
Glad to hear that things are looking up for you