Feeling very overwhelmed @ times

So where do i start i an newly married...about 3mths now. we have been together for 4 years total...my DH and i just found out he has a 14 year old daughter from a one night stand when he was 23! i hate that i have to deal with this situation and i find my self slightly depressed @ times when i think about it! I feel bad for the child because it certainly isn her fault but in some ways i am so happy they live so far away from us! i would appreciate some coping advice on how to deal with this situation...thanks

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i have come to the conclusion

i have come to the conclusion that its financial! they are in serious financial need and it oh so obvious...sucks for the child she missed out on knowing an awesome man for 14yrs and even though they know each other now it not gonna be the same as if he was always there! im kinda mad @ him for this situation how could he be so irresponsible!

While it stinks that you had

While it stinks that you had to find this out AFTER you married your hubby, I think you are lucky on a few fronts..

a. Skid and BM live far away from you, so there shouldn't be alot of drama
b. Skid is 14 so you got out of having to deal with this for 14 years!

As far as coping, I think you need to be supportive of your hubby... I can imagine he was a shocked as you when he found out and probably has an endless barage of thoughts going through his head right now in regards to meeting her, what kind of relationship can they have at this point, all the time he has missed etc.

I'm wondering why did BM keep this from your hubby for so long and what are her reasons for telling him now?

well we found out and they

well we found out and they have met! she spent one week with us early in the summer it so weird because during the visit its weird but i feel like we never connected...since then the communication between my hubby and child has been hindered. The mom and childs cell phone has been disconnected 2x and so there no talking between them. the child told me on the first meeting that she thought her sister and she had the same father unti she was six( her sister is 2years younger than she is) her mom is newly divorced and i believe she wants financial help that is her only motivation for trying to find him @ this late date....i have so many mixed emotion when it coms to this situation...i guess time heals all wounds idk when bt i hopeit will get easier to deal...

How does your husband feel

How does your husband feel about it?

Wow! Like Snarky01, I would

Wow! Like Snarky01, I would be curious to know why the BM felt the need to notify your DH 14 years later. I think it's good that he knows, but it should've come before now. My first thought, without knowing the situation mind you, is that at 14 years old, a child will want to know about an absent parent. They'll be curious what they look like, what their family is like, what they are like, why they haven't been there, etc. Is the BM looking for money? Is the daughter wanting to meet your DH?

Being that it was a one night stand, I think it would be a good idea for your DH to verify paternity before working to establish a relationship with this child.

I'm sorry it had to come to you both as such a surprise. That's a lot to take in. How does he feel about it?

we did test first thing

we did test first thing before 1st meeting. it irks me because he actually is happyy about this whole situation and im not understanding how i understand why...but he had no intention of ever developing a meaningful relationship with her mother...how can it b a to z in 60 seconds flat! she found him on fb btw....

thats been done! we did that

thats been done! we did that first and foremost before the first meeting

Well, being that they live

Well, being that they live far away, maybe it won't be so much to deal with. Has BM made a request for money? Would you & your husband have a problem with him paying CS from this point?

he set up a visa card for her

he set up a visa card for her where money goes in 2x a month..it goes directly to the child but lately its being used to pay the families disconnected cell phones....wheewh

I guess if the cell phones

I guess if the cell phones are how he's able to be in contact with her, it's important that they're paying it. I believe it speaks a lot for his character in that he's voluntarily paying her something rather than just waiting for a judge & a court order to tell him he has to. I know it has to be difficult for you to feel the joy in this. I don't know what advice to give to help you cope. It's a lot to take in & process & will take some time. From the child's POV, it really is a good thing for her to have the opportunity to know him. He sounds excited & happy & every child deserves to have a mom & a dad who feel that way about being in their child's lives.

Whatever the real reason is for them contacting him, it sounds like it is in the best interest of his daughter to have him in her life.

absolutely ~~ paternity

absolutely ~~ paternity test..... and i would be curious who was listed as the father on the birth certificate..... plus hasn't it been said a billion times on here that who ever has been the active father is considered the father in the court's eyes "b/c it is in the best interest of the children"..

i feel horrible for you....