This is awesome! I could have used knowing about this site 1.5 years ago, when I moved in with my Fiance!!! We've been through so many ups and downs. The good news is, we haven't lost each other in the process. We have 4 daughters between us. Mine is the oldest, at 31 years old. He has a 21, 19 and 16 year old. I don't have to spend much time figuring out why they are angry with both of us.

I'll start with my daughter. I left a marriage of 20+ years and she resented that. Just now (almost 3 years into my relationship with my fiance, whom I'll call Sam) we have come to terms with that. It wasn't an easy road- we didn't speak for a year. I'm glad that's all behind us now and we've agreed to accept each other, call everything that happened "water under the bridge" and move forward with mutual respect. There's a lot more to that story, but the bottom line is, she wanted nothing more than for me to reconcile with my ex. That wsn't even a remote possibility, although my ex and I stay in occasional contact because of my daughter and Grandson (who is 10 years old and adores my ex). We actually get along better as friends! My ex is not my daughter's father (we moved in together when she was 4 yrs old)- but he has been a great role model and I would never try to sever their relationship. I'm gld everything is healing now (as of last August). I wish it would with Sam's girls too, but not sure I'll ever get that. I keep hoping though!

Sam was married to the girl's mother for 7 years. They divorced and he married a woman I'll call Leanne. She passed away from cancer in 2006, in her mid forties. She was way too young! I knew both Sam and Leanne when they were married (they were married 7 years and we had mutual friends)- her death was tragic to us all. In 2007 I left my ex. There was no other guy involved- I was miserable and wanted to be able to just "be me". I so felt like a stepford wife. Because of my ex, I became someone I didn't even know. Strange how after 20 years you just wake up one day and realize that... Anyway, I moved into my own place. I couldn't have been happier!! I made so many new friends! It was nice to actually have people over without my ex getting mad. He always did when people visited unepectedly because he smoked pot, non-stop and didn't want anyone to know. Being alone suited me just fine and to be honest, I could have cared less about ever having a man in my life again.

That changed in early 2008, when I went out with friends and Sam was there too. I'd never had any feeling for him in a romatic way and there was a reson for that. He was pretty rough around the edges and said whatever was on his mind (whether it was politically correct or not). I couldn't be more opposite. To make a long story short, he took me home that night (I just lived a few blocks away from the restaraunt, but it was freezing weather that January night). I ddin't think anything of it, but was glad he gave me a ride. The following Monday he sent me flowers- and I was horrified!! I did NOT want a relationship with him!!! I called to thank him for the flowers though. That was hard, because I didn't want them. Anyway- he invited me to his house for dinner the following Wednesday. I went, even though it went against my better judgement. His girls were there too, and at the time they were 18, 16 and 14. The last thing I wanted was teenagers!! My daughter had already put me through the ringer and THEN some when she was growing up. Needless to say I didn't stay long. We did see each other a few times after that, but never touched one another. For the next couple of months I traveled quite a bit (thankfully). He texted me and we talked occasionally, but it was really nothing more than a greater friendship. When my travel started to slow down, we saw each other more and the rest is pretty much history. I continued to live in my apartment downtown and he had his own house about a mile away. I got along with the kids great- and actually took them all with me on another trip (which included my own daughter). I think they felt comfortable with me too, because they confided in me. At first I was OK with that. Actually, that went on for 1.5 years. I never said a word to Sam about what they told me, because for the most part they were going through normal teenage things.

That all channged for me after I found out one of the girls was dealing drugs and got an abortion. Another of the girls was drinking heavily and got raped. The last one, for some reason started to hate me after I moved in with Sam. No doubt because of Sam's ex- she put Leanne throuhg the same thing. It got to the point I couldn't hold anything in any more and couldn't even sleep. How would I feel if he knew those things about my daughter and something bad happened to her? I would never have forgiven him- so I told Same everything I knew. Like any Dad would do, he blew a gasket and contacted all of the girls on the various things I said. None of them denied a single thing. So long story short, we haven't seen them since last January. It amazed me they called him at Christmas to "bring him goodies and a gift". What happened to the other 364 days of the year?? Sam told them he didn't need anything, to save their money. The very next day all hell broke loose, and once again I'm the one to blame because they can't see their Dad. He set them straight in a New York second (I'm so glad about that!) and told them THEY were the reason he felt the way he did. That's true, too- they have all been so damn callous to him, call him foul names and have lied the very few times he's asked them point blank questions, especially about the drug use. The ex has gotten involved too and promotes the girls hatred for me by saying "yah, she put on a good act". I'm not surprised, because like I sad before, she did the same to Leanne. So here we are, 3 years down the road. I'm so glad we haven't lost each other because it's been a damn tough road.

I guess the point I want to make here is this. We all love our kids- and hopefully take a parent's stand and stop trying to be their "friend" when they try to lead YOUR life or are in danger. Winning a popularity contest isn't the goal; making sure they are well-rounded kids with moral values is. JUST HANG IN THERE and support each other; the kids will come around eventually.

Just Me Now