I need your thoughts as I feel like I am in the middle of this mess and a fresh perspective would be reaffirming or help me see in a new light. I found a note on the floor of my son's room and it read "I hope you fall in a home and die you RETARD!" So I brought the note to the attention of all 4 kids in our home (I recognized the handwriting) and asked who wrote it. I looked my "step-daughter" in the eye as I asked and she said I don't know who wrote it. So then, I mentioned I know the hand writing is female and to simplify, we have 2 boys and 2 girls here. SD is almost 13 and my daughter is 7. Finally, she admitted it was her. She wrote it to my son (12 yrs) and said she was just messing around. My son confirmed she was mad as he was in his room and would not let her in as he was talking to a friend. The SD only comes over 3-4 days a month....I have to walk on egg shells to keep drama down with her mean spirited mother, who has attempted to cause so many problems over the past 10 years. So I left with my kids and went shopping and spoke to my husband about how this is unacceptable on so many levels and those words will not be spoken in our home. The older SD gets the more manipulative she gets. I never spoke a word to her and my husband let her have it. She rarely returns any texts or calls from him and we never know when she is coming and often find out last minute when we are already out for the evening. So here is the post from the BM's facebook today. She encourages her behavior and it disgusts me. It is always my fault some how and always goes back to me....it is so very twisted. NOTE from FB:

********** (SD's name, tagged on FB)you are the most amazing daughter! And always remember that those of them that you think dont like you are actually just jealous of you! ******* (BM's live in boy friend for past 5 years) and i love you and wouldnt want you to be any other way!!

So then of course, several of her friends are posting things to support SD as a victim. SD is never accountable, it is always someone else's fault in this house. BM is doing her no favors and SD's character is being molded to be just like BM at this point....a victim. Honestly, I am losing any sense of love for this girl. I never thought I would say it. She has become a master manipulator and causes so much disruption to this house. She is becoming her mother.

Any thoughts?

Signed,

Frustrated and cutting the final string of any sort of engaging with SD