i dont know what to do
My SS11 has a baseball game tomorrow night and its an hout away so my DH has to leave before I get off work to get there and wants me to meet him there so he doesn't has to "deal" with BM. Ok that being said DH only went to one of my bio's football games last yr because I had to work (I got a part-time job because DH has to pay so much CS I didn't want our family to struggle). I had to beg him to do it. Now DH expects me to go to every single basball game but I don't think its fair that I should HAVE to go because he says so. My bios don't think its fair and want to know why they have to go because DH and SS11 didn't make an effort for them. They asked me why SS11 is more important than they are. They aren't and I'm pissed. I don't want to take it out on SS11 by not showing up but he never made an effort to get out of bed to even go to their football games go I'm really torn on what to do.
Also, I'm pissed at my DH because he knows that this is a very hard weekend for me and my bios. We always go to my 1st DH's grave to put flowers on it. Something my kids want to do and he refuses to go every yr. I put up with endless shit from BM and I only ask this from him once a yr. Its not like my 1st DH gives him any shit to deal with. GRRR!
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Tell him no, if he won't go
Tell him no, if he won't go to your sons name you don't have to his kids. If he wants you there either he will step up and if he doesn't at least your kids won't feel like its unfair.
First off, sorry about your
First off, sorry about your first dh, that has too be difficult. As for your current dh, I would tel him, or would have told him that he needs to make a point of trading ask the kids activities the same, if he is not going to one game, he shouldnt go to the others. Sit down and decide which fam mes on the schedule you agree to attend, for each child. Make sure theyall gac ve the same nim met of games.
As for pouring up with bm, I would tell him that if he really wants to see her that bad then go, if not then don't go. He needs to decide that his ex being there is not an excuse to make your life more difficult. Ifit is to much, then maybe he should skip the game.
I pushed my dh to go to his bd games, but no more. If he doesn't want to make it a priority so be it, but we will be going to my sons activities (big age difference, sd12 and bs5.) Not my problem. If your dh is that interested in sports he should ber interested no master which child is playing....
I say, stick it to him, makes your feelings known and try to come up with a compromise...hope it works out...
In the beginning everything
In the beginning everything was great. We would go to everything as a family and BM wasn't an issue. (A bitch to me...of course but I figured that was normal). Somewhere along the way he just stopped going to school functions and sporting events. I don't understand what happened. Its coming to the point where my bios don't like my skids. ( I think its because they are jealous sometimes that skids have a dad that's here and they don't). I'm torn and when I say anything about DH not doing the same for my kids then I'm being a childish bitch because DH thinks my skids have it harder because they have to go back and forth. I always have the same come back to that....then you should have thought about that before you got divorced. Try not having a father at all. Its always a fight and I can't take much more. I don't want any of the kids to feel like we are fighting because of them. It makes me sick to my stomach.
Thats a bogus argument ya
Thats a bogus argument ya they go back and forth but they still have both there parents where as your sons just have you and a man who could step up and be the dad they need but is to selfish to see it. I would just stop going to there events, maybe if you disingage he will relize just what he is doing to your boys.
Okay, so you and I are in the
Okay, so you and I are in the same boat in so many ways. I too have a 1st DH who passed away, leaving behind myself and 2 small kids. I'm remarried to a guy with 2 kids. We have had the very same arguments. My kids have functions and he prefers not to go sometimes, it was REALLY bad in the beginning. But boy oh boy, he was Johnny on the Spot when it came to his kids' functions. I had to point out to him on NUMEROUS occasions before he finally "got it" that his skipping out on my kids' functions was sending the message to ME and THEM that he really wasn't all that into us. So if he wasn't, well, then so be it. Tell ME, don't hurt THEM. And also, don't make US schlep along to the SK's functions because they are the same way -- don't give a hoot about what my kids are doing and will whine the entire time if they are made to go (they're teenagers). Finally got the point across but it took time.
We've had the same discussion about his poor little kids and how hard it is for them to have 2 households, and to see their dad living with someone else and her children. Boo hoo, blah blah blah. I said the same as you did -- at least they SEE their dad, and they know he is only 10 min down the road from them at any given time. I told him if ANY coddling needs done, it should be MY kids (right... whatever... I don't coddle them over this and I don't expect him to but I was making a point).
As far as the cemetery thing, I've never asked my DH to go. My 1st DH was military, so we especially make a point of going on Memorial Day, just me and my kids. That history was not part of my current DH's life, and he shouldn't have to go.
simple answer...NO! Too bad
simple answer...NO! Too bad he doesn't want to deal with his crazy ex...he shouldn't have had kids with her...not your problem. Especially since he made no effort to attend your kid's games. No way.
I mean, if he's great to your kids, blah, blah, blah...then I would consider it...but it seems he is only interested in his kid, then he can go with him and put up with his crazy ex...