Why have a coparent when you can have a babysitter?
I'm going to preface this so I don't like some form of selfish hill troll
BM has issues with actually parenting with my SO. She will switch schedules and tell the kids first. She has admitted she "doesn't need " us or DHs family and that the girls already have an amazing support system. She has offered to sign away the rights to both girls when DH and her broke up. She moved 1000 miles away with little warning and broke up 3 families because she needed a lifestyle change. That last one just bit her in the ass. Hard
I've mentioned her son in the past. He used to be a straight A honors student, never in trouble. Well the move down here caused him to lifestyle change. He started committing petty crimes and doing drugs
Monday morning - DH gets a call from BM that her son is in the hospital. Not to ask for help just that he had taken a bunch of kids cough meds at school. DH comes home for lunch. He's a little worried but knows all will be fine.
Literally the moment he returns to work BM calls asking him to pick up SD6 from school. She had stayed to pick up SD4 an hour earlier but decided to take her to the hospital ? DH has no PTO so while I understand why he took off that's half a day of no pay
So now he has to take SD6 here. I work from home and we live in a small loft. I begged him to just take her to the park or something so she's not having to stay silent for 4 hours. Nope. So we plug her headphones into the PS4 and that works for awhile
Then BM calls. She needs to drop off SD4 as she has to go to the psych ward with eldest. I have 2 hours of work left. Did I mention I call customers all day ?
Still no park DH spends the day kid wrangling. BM keeps switching the pick up time but eventually takes the kids around 8pm
Tuesday - this is our normal evening with the kids so no biggie. Except last minute BM asks if DH can get the kids immediately after work ( I work til 7) so yet again more time to try and keep a 6 and 7 year old quiet. I honestly feel bad for the kids getting stuck being silent for that long
And that brings us to today. BM of course said nothing til an hour ago but once again we have the kids when DH gets off work. Luckily the kid is only going to be in the psych ward for 5 days so this should be over by Saturday.
I may be coming off rude here but BM - where's that support system at ? It's funny how we are good enough as back up but this woman can't even ask for holidays before telling the kids.
And DH only somewhat gets my frustrations as he's a chunk of the issue too. I know we sort of have no choice here but it's his job to tell BM to start actually giving us time like an adult. I'm not taking the kids this weekend hell or high water. He refuses to tell her that.
Do I feel bad for her son ? Yes. He has 180'd so hard out here. Because this was at school and his second drug offense he may be expelled his senior year. Now if he had an actual parent instead of a crystal worshipping non grounder who actually disciplines he wouldn't be doing this s**t
Sorry for the rant. I have a bunch of health crap going on and I'm just very done with not knowing anything until last minute.
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Comments
I understand your work
I understand your work situation, but you probably won't like what I'm going to say...
It's no surprise to me that your DH will get his kids at any time. It's what mine would do. They're his kids, he never sees them enough, and he loves them.
But this is affecting your WORK, so something needs to change. Does your DH not take the skids to a park because it's easier for him to "parent" by slapping on some headphones? Is he hoping that YOU will assist by entertaining the skids?
You and DH need to sit down and talk about how skids coming early affects your work. He needs to take them elsewhere - visit the grandparents, a movie, the park, a drive in the car. You two could get a bigger place so the skids being there will not be bothersome - BECAUSE...
I will say what I've said countless times: there is always the possibility that your DH will have his kids 100% of the time (BM is incapacitated, incapable, or passes away). That is DEFINITELY going to put a dent in your WFH situation.
I'm sorry you're dealing with health issues. Hopefully, they're resolved soon. {{hugs}}
While I agree that of course
While I agree that of course DH wants to see the kids and us having them full time is always a possibility and I'm just very very sick of BMs using us when it's convenient . Like why not just ask for us to help to this week instead of waiting ?
I'm honestly not sure why he doesn't take them to a park or something. Today it'll be too dark but Monday that would have worked. Attempted to talk but he doesn't want to just to "avoid drama" .
Also the grandparents is sadly another issue. My DHs family are great with the kids but BM will not allow them alone at their home. Some bad blood in the past aka BM making mountains out of molehills
And affording a bigger place would be ideal but it was this or not moving 2 years ago. We are saving to buy a house when the lease is up. DH wanted to be closer to his kids and that meant sarificing space
Thanks for hugs. I'm beginning to think this is all stress related. I appreciate concrit as sometimes it's hard for me to see past the circus in my living room
BM is probably doing it
BM is probably doing it simply for her convenience, but the NCP should have the opportunity to have the kids when the CP cannot.
Avoiding drama?? He is simply postponing it. But it does not have to BE drama. You need to get him at a time where he cannot avoid.
"DH, I'm glad you get to spend additional time with the kids. But when you bringing them home during my work hours is not fair to me OR them. This is a chance for you to spend some quality time with them. You could take them to a park or a McDonald's play area so they can run and play and be kids. And *I* will be able to concentrate on doing quality work."
Or something like that. It may very well be stress-related and that's a perfect scenario of what is causing you more stress. Do you have things you can do when your DH has the kids? Not WITH them - separately from them. After all, they're there to spend time with him.
Going to try this tomorrow
Thanks so much aniki! Fingers crossed he doesn't get all pouty
You're welcome, sweetie!
You're welcome, sweetie!
Gimlet and Lollybobs make good points, too. What would BM do if your DH was not available? That IS possible. And your DH missing work impacts your (the two of you) life.
I's not reasonable to keep
I's not reasonable to keep expecting that you can just drop everything to help at a amoment's notice because at the end of the day you both have work commitments.
You say BM won't allow the skids to be alone at thier grandparents' house? Is DH happy about them being alone there and would the grandparents be happy with it? If so, it's up to DH who they're with when it's his time, it's not up to BM to be calling those shots.
While DH would be fine with
While DH would be fine with it ( so would the girls ) the drama would be a nightmare after so he'll likely avoid it . It is up to him but he needs to grow some balls and understand he can't please everyone here and BM is the bottom of the food chain.
Seriously, yes he does. She
Seriously, yes he does. She might not make so much of a fuss if it's grandparents or nothing and she has to manage on her own.
Yes and no. I have to drop
Yes and no. I have to drop everything at a moments notice when the school calls, why shouldn't the dad be expected to do the same? I have work commitments, my daughter is facing some serious health stuff right now, I don't get to tell her to just wait until it is a better time for me. I have to take care of my kid.
My situation is different because her dad is 3000 miles away and DH is bopping around in the ocean right now- so I am on my own. But BM isn't. She has the father of the children to help share the burden of illness and whatever else is going on.
Now, I will agree that if there are appointments being planned both schedules need to be taken into account and she should be trying to accommodate the father's schedule as best she can. Also, give him immediate notice when there is something happening.
The dad also needs to say- Hey, can your "support system" take the child until 6pm (or whatever time is needed) and I will get them from there?
Ugh, Lady Tremaine.
Ugh, Lady Tremaine.
This was totally how BM was when we lived in the same city as her. She treated DH as an on-call babysitter all. the. time.