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Why it's different

Lady.Tremaine's picture

Please note above says "why it's different" not "stepdads have it easier" This is my situation 

I'm a weird person. I constantly over process information to the point I rarely sleep. 

Something that my DH always says kind of bothered me " it wasn't so hard for me"

Now while I can get into the obvious - her kid did not have a present father, you had time to build a relationship etc. Here's where  I figured out the actual issue to a pinpoint.

She moved without consulting her teenage son for no reason. She moved without really considering any of the kids. She moved not for a job but for her.

The kids had their own rooms back home. They slept there until the giant move. They started cosleeping once she moved. 

Her son once a shy but friendly teen started doing small crimes for attention. His girlfriend stays overnight. Their home their rules but bad example. Not to mention everything this kid has done that should have been a wake up call to BM

DHs kids have plenty issues. Being on bottles too long , constantly having UTIs and yeast infections ( I seriously considering calling CPS because something isn't right at that age)  and at our place we do curve these issues.

But it's different. He dealt with a kid that was independent and never his responsibility. Now I get shamed for sleeping too long or staying away from kids that were never really taught better. If I disagree with what he's doing instead of causing a fuss I leave. He gets pissy . It's been fun.

Sad thing is we have gone through worse conflict together but anything with the kids he balloons to extreme measures

I'm half let's stay upstairs and start hoarding money and other half I'll be there to try but will comment if he's deciding to parent poorly.

Truly all of you- step parent life is pretty much close to hell. Yes I've considered it- I wish he'd understand that's why I think about it.





justmakingthebest's picture

I am sorry, I was kind of confused by your style of writing. 

I think what you are saying is that your DH had is "easier" as a step parent because your daughter's father was never really in the picture. So your house was the only house and there was consistency. He never had to deal with have a kid that he doesn't have biological ties with doing things at other houses where there is no control or say. 

I imagine- if I got he gist of what you wrote correctly that is true. I am sure that a lot of SM's that only have "ours" kids feel the same way too. Your house is more structured, clean, etc and BM is a hot mess. It would make it more frustrating because DH would never "feel the pain" that you feel as a step parent. 

Livingoutloud's picture

She doesn't have children. I think she means BM has a son and DH was his stepfather while married to BM and it was different/easier  for him. 

Lady.Tremaine's picture

Correct. I was in an awful place this week so forgive the weird stream of consciousness

Livingoutloud's picture

It's probably  harder if the kids goes and back and forth. Your writing style is a little cryptic like you don't want to say what's really going on or aren't a native speaker. So I am kind of guessing that you think you have it harder and your DH isn't getting it 

Lady.Tremaine's picture

Sorry again on my writing style. I am a native speaker just write odd when things get odd.

I'm tired stressed and want to curl into a hole