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Honesty about Drug Use to Teenage SD14

CBCharlotte's picture

My boyfriend's 14 year old daughter and I are pretty close. She is pretty open with me, we text, hang out alone, she knows my friends, etc. She is in 8th grade and a really good kid. She will be starting high school next year.

We were recently driving and she started talking to me about kids in her school. She was telling me that some of them smoke cigarettes, which she doesn't and never would.

She then said "I also think they're smoking something else. I know what cigarettes smell like, I've been to France or also around them. But this smells different"

I told her it was probably marijuana. She looked to me waiting for me to continue. I kind of stumbled and said something like "Well, marijuana isn't good for you. People do stupid things and make bad decisions when they're high, plus high people can be very annoying. It is also very dangerous to drive well high." She kind of took that and continued talking about other things.

She didn't ask yet if I've ever smoked pot, but I'm sure she will in the future. The truth is, I smoked a TON of pot in high school....I was high most of my junior year. I smoked here and there in college and after, but haven't in 3 years. I'm 26 now.

If she ever asks if I smoked, should I be honest with her? Should I say "yes, I've tried it, but it wasn't for me?" The fact that it is legalized in many states also makes it an interesting conversation. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with smoking a little pot from time to time responsibly and think it should be legalized, but I certainly don't want my 14 year old casually smoking. Any bio parents or step-parents out there, your advice is appreciated!

frustratedstepdad's picture

I guess it would depend on the maturity level of your SD. If she's mature, I would say that I did it in high school, but I would point out the negative side effects (short-term memory loss, etc).

I personally probably admit to it, because at some point she will use it against you.

JustAgirl42's picture

Thanks for these examples cause this is gonna be a tough one for FDH and I too!! :O

ETA: Because of YEARS ago...

Calypso1977's picture

i would not tell her particularly since she appears to like you and look up to you. i think youre in a somewhat tough spot given that you are only 12 years older than her.

i think beaccountable gives a good set of scenario questions. most of us i think woudl never entertain the questions she posed, so why is pot different?

Orange County Ca's picture

I liked what 'beaccountable' said above - about sexual experiences etc. There is no reason to tell a kid everything. I also think you did well in giving her the standard speech about drug use. I'm sure, perhaps on Amazon.com and Narcotics Anonymous or the school counselor you can find a age appropriate book on mind altering substances to give to her. Tell her that her comments on kids at school prompted you to think about making sure she had good truthful information. After clearing it with Dad of course.