Evacuating with bm

We live in the coastal areas of Ga and we need to leave. We're heading out after work today but dh just called me and said bm isn't leaving. She is having car problems so she is going to wait and go to a local shelter when they get set up. No big deal except she won't let dh have ss because it's her time. He is pitching a fit and refusing to leave without ss and asked if bm and ss could come with us. I didn't say a word so he told me to take the baby and go and he will stay in the shelter with ss and bm. I'm filing for divorce after the storm! I knew you ladies would understand.

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Is he planning on taking SS

Is he planning on taking SS out when it's his time?

The storm will be over by

The storm will be over by then. He plans to stay in the shelter to protect ss never mind that we have a toddler that also needs protection.

So, BM would rather have SS

So, BM would rather have SS stay in a shelter than be safe with his father? The shelter may be safe but will not not the greatest environment.

Some women are so selfish.

I think she is doing it

I think she is doing it because she knows that is the only way to keep dh near her. He actually asked me if she could go with us because she wouldn't let him have ss. I totally understand a parent wanting to protect their child but he has a toddler with me and we need him to. Bm is choosing to stay and that is her decision.

Just remember that after you

Just remember that after you file for divorce your little one will still be spending lots of time with your stb-ex and SS.

If the situation was dangerous enough that I felt I needed to evacuate, I would not go and leave my son behind either. Even if that meant I had to tolerate being stuck with BM in the backseat. Would you really want your child in a shelter (what is your little one, two years old or so?) while you jumped in a car and headed for safety? Of course not. While your child with your DH is no more important to him than his child he has with BM.

I'm not saying, you must take her, but hey, you let the three of them go off to Disney without you (yeah, you tossed a fit, but off they went anyway). Except for this time you too would be there, what's the difference between them all going to Disney and BM now riding to safety in your vehicle? I don't see much difference.

Divorce him if you feel you must, but if anything happens to his son by you insisting leaving BM AND SS behind, he will never forgive you. I will assume if BM were to ride along, she would be finding her own motel room with SS once to wherever it is you're going.

You're in a tough spot.

I can't see past my hatred of

I can't see past my hatred of her. She is a horrible person and constantly throws herself at my dh. Do you think I am wrong? I don't feel wrong. I think he should be with us and bm has to live with her decision if something happens to ss. Dh should be worried about something happening to me and our baby traveling by ourselves. We don't even know where we are going yet except we are heading west.

It is not my place to tell

It is not my place to tell you if I think you are right or wrong. All I can tell you is that there is not enough hatred in my heart for any one to choose between my children. You are going, whether Dh goes or not. You are taking your little one to safety whether he goes or everybody goes.

You can not make or force this decision on him. These are both his children. If he knows you and little one are out and safe I suppose it is one less thing he has to worry about. You are a grown woman. You are capable of driving yourself to safety. His son can not drive. SS's BM's vehicle is not in traveling condition. He can not force and kidnap his oldest child.

If the BM stays behind and is badly hurt or killed, this SS will blame you and your hatred forever. Right or wrong, you have to make your decision and DH has to make his. DH may feel if he stays behind he will do more good towards keeping his son safe. You are taking his youngest child to safety, so DH already knows the little one will be ok.

If you're going, you best get loaded, make your escape route plan and get going. Venting about BM is wasting your time.

May both families be safe. Good luck to all of you, BM and SS included.

Really tough one for you.

Really tough one for you. However with the severity of the upcoming hurricane I would suck it up and invite BM a long with SS. That way you know everyone is safe, and most importantly you have your DH you and your toddler together. Maybe this is a chance for you to show BM just how strong you and DH are.
Please be safe

^^^^ THIS^^^^ If I were you I

^^^^ THIS^^^^

If I were you I would want to keep an eye on her.

^This. What a sucky

^This.

What a sucky situation. The things second wives have to deal with. The fact that DH would choose his first family over his current one is very telling. I'm so sorry, I'd be pretty damn upset too. But please put everyones safety first and sort out the emotional mess later.

and put the Frozen soundtrack

and put the Frozen soundtrack on repeat and give DD a pot and pan to bang together as a toy next to BM. Make it real , real fun for her.

Yes, this. You park BM behind

Yes, this. You park BM behind you in the backseat, SS in middle and toddler behind DH. Keep holding DH's hand and rubbing his hair. It will be worse for BM to see you guys so lovey dovey. When you get where you are going, take a "family" selfie to post and exclude her.

I can't believe the advice

I can't believe the advice your getting and I'm trying to put myself in your shoes. I'd stay in the shelter before i'd let bm come with us. Granted my sd is older but I would take a car full of homeless people who smelt like garbage before i'd let her go with me. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this and make this trip alone. This is the time you are supposed to count on your spouse the most. I just called dh and asked what he would do if bm kept sd and went to a shelter and he said he would go stay with sd since that was his kid. I guess your dh isn't wrong.

Minor children are an adult's

Minor children are an adult's responsibility. She is taking one to safety. She is an adult can is capable of doing this. Her husband is planning on trying to assure his other minor child is secure.

It was OP's choice to say no. Now she lives with her decision. OP is an adult, physically capable of traveling with one small child. She doesn't need a man to drive her or hold her hand.

Would you leave your son alone and flee without him? I bet not. Children are dependent on grown ups. Two adults who are both physically and mentally able , while a couple are not dependent on each other to do what is needed. Sure, everybody wants their spouse next to them in emergencies , but as an adult she is not dependent on his presence to reach safety on her own. Her emotional needs wants him there, but she can do this on her own. Just as you could do this on your own if your DH choose to stay behind for his minor daughter.

With both your son and your DH's daughter all living with you , be glad you aren't faced with a choice such as this. You and DH and both kids can load up and head out as a family, your BM is clear across the way and not a consideration for you as she isn't in the area and your Dh has custody of his child just as you have custody of your son.

I think some people would be very surprised at what they can do and would do when they just act instead of putting lots of emotion and forethought into it. I think it's too easy for us here not actually being affected by these monster storms to say what we 'think' we would do. Not necessarily what we actually would end up doing when push comes to shove and genuine safety is top priority in consideration and thought.

The BM in my life absolutely

The BM in my life absolutely sucks balls, but I'd drive cross country and back with her in my lap before I'd let her play family with SO and SD if she was trying to get back in SO's pants.

Travel and don't look back.

Travel and don't look back. You'll deal with what is left (if there is something left) when that time comes. Your toddler will be forever grateful that you removed him from that situation. Leave everything in God's hand and only control what you can. If you can try to speak to your ss and convince him that if he comes along mom will swallow her pride and come along too.
I pray for God's guidance over you.

Honestly, I think that SO

Honestly, I think that SO would come with me and leave the skids behind. If BM wants to put them in harm's way, that's on her. Like he says, she already ruined one family, why let her ruin another.

Is she so broke, she can't rent a car? Or find some other transportation?

Rental cars are long gone,

Rental cars are long gone, I'm sure. Other transportation is probably nonexistent as well.

My concern for the OP is she's getting on the road without a specific destination in mind and without accommodations waiting for her. I've evacuated for my share of hurricanes. Interstates become parking lots because traffic isn't moving. Gas stations are closed or don't have fuel. Hotels and motels are filled to overcapacity. At this point, she may be better off staying where she is and going to the shelter with DH and BM.

I don't have any experience

I don't have any experience with evacuation but I that probably is true. What a nightmare.

Ugh, as a mother, I can see

Ugh, as a mother, I can see BM's thought process.. though selfish... if I was faced with a potentially catastrophic event, I would NOT want to be separated from my child.. my only child. Again, I know it's selfish, but it's the truth. I'm not exactly sure there is any ulterior motive on her part? Now with that said, your DH is an ass. The fact that he just chose BM and his son with her over his WIFE and his child with you, speaks volumes and I would probably be doing the same thing you are.

Sorry you have to deal with a hurricane AND an asshole.

Ideally, I wouldn't want to

Ideally, I wouldn't want to be separated from my kid, either, but he would be with his dad, out of harm's way, instead of in a shelter, IN harm's way. Common sense tells her it would be safer for her son to go with his dad and be out of the storm's path.

I agree. As a mother, I

I agree. As a mother, I wouldn't want my child to be in harm's way, but evacuating could be dangerous as well.

Hmmm. This is tough. Kind

Hmmm. This is tough. Kind of.

I am curious though….why is DH staying with BM and SS in the shelter? What can he do? Stop the hurricane? Stop a tornado? Nope. So he is basically staying there for moral support for SS and yes, BM too.

I get why he feels this way, but he was way too quick to blow off OP and their baby. He can do NOTHING for SS in the shelter. And this BM is going to post all kinds of pictures on FB afterward about her, SS and Ops husband having fun in the shelter like a little family again.

And no…BM would float away before I let her ride in my car. If SHE chooses to let SS float away with her…that is on her and only her. This is just a crazy situation. I would divorce him after this too.

That's a good point Willow.

That's a good point Willow. What exactly IS DH going to DO? Nothing. So what is the point of him staying at the shelter with BM and SS.. other than guilt? and apparently his feelings for BM and SS outweigh his love for his wife and their child?? :?

100% this ^^^.

Oh, for pete's sake, this is

Oh, for pete's sake, this is over the top dramatic. DH can prevent this, DH can save that. Are you kidding me?

Here's the long and the short of it. DH can certainly go get his child, stuff him in a car, and drive off to wherever under these circumstances. No police force in the world is going to stop him right now. They have bigger, much, much more important issues to worry about. If BM wants to take it in front of a judge later, guess what that outcome will be. No judge in his or her right mind will rule in BM's favor just because it's "her time".

The biggest problem is all the people in this tableau have waited way too long to evacuate. There's no place to go at this point.

You must be use to small

You must be use to small sized teens. There would be no grabbing and shoving my boys in a car when they were teens if they didn't want to go. My son are tall, strong an very physically fit. They were in HS also.

And at 14yrs old, I doubt OP's SS wants to leave his BM in the path of a hurricane. I'd be much more afraid the kid's reaction of leaving the kid's mother behind then I would be at the thought of any future court/judge. IMO, you just cant f* with people's emotions that way.

You beat me to it. He can't

You beat me to it. He can't stop the storm and he really is being moral support for his ex-wife instead of his WIFE. BM deciding to stay and keep SS is on her.

If the only thing standing in

If the only thing standing in the way of BM fleeing is for you to agree she can go with you, then yes, be the bigger person in this and agree to BM traveling with you. I'm sure it won't be pleasant but in times of emergency, your DH wants to protect all of his children.

As someone who has been

As someone who has been through a natural disaster separated from my children, there is no way I would leave an area when my children were not. There is no way I would leave my children's other parent, someone they love, with no way to get out. I don't think it's fair to fault your husband for not leaving his child.

Times like this are times when we seriously need to forget about the petty crap and just take care of each other.

Do you not have two cars? Why

Do you not have two cars? Why not have DH give BM a ride out of town then drop her at a safe hotel somewhere. It's not like she has to share a hotel room with you.

Please understand the chances

Please understand the chances of finding ANY available hotel rooms within at least a 200 mile radius are slim to none.

Well...he knows you two will

Well...he knows you two will be safe since you are leaving. And he knows his son is riding out the storm....so I see his predicament.

And yes....I would let her in the car....it's a big hurricane.

I don't agree with that. It

I don't agree with that. It seems to me that OP is in just as much danger as BM. I mean she is heading out on jam packed highways, there is no gas, she has no clue where she is going other than "west". BM is staying in a shelter, that is most likely school, or building of that nature, that has a generator and provisions. OP is going to be on a highway, destination unknown. I'd seriously be more concerned for OP.. but that's just me. :?

Both are awful situations.

In BMs situation, you would think that sending the kid with dad would be a given, but it's not. As you demonstrated, they would be on a highway, destination unknown. Communication will be non-existent for awhile. I don't think I could blindly send my kid with the other parent when that parent doesn't have a plan and I would have no way of knowing if my child was okay, alive, or WHERE they were.

In Dad's situation, one kid is heading to safety with someone they love and trust. The other child is in a shelter in the danger zone. I simply could not leave my child in a danger zone. Nor could I leave my child's other parent in danger.

In SM's situation, I might not like it, but I would not leave my stepchild OR stepchild's other parent in a shelter. Put them in the back seat and get out.

"Nor could I leave my child's

"Nor could I leave my child's other parent in danger."

I could. If my kids dad was to kick it, my house is paid for and the kids have a nice nest egg. }:)

ETA - If my KIDS asked me to take their dad with us, I might. I couldn't say no and then have him dead. Don't ask, don't tell. }:) }:)

As much as it would KILL me I

As much as it would KILL me I would invite the Girhippo just to show her who is the bigger person (well, she is physically) but I would try making life a living hell for her while she is in your "custody."

You should call her bluff, grit your teeth and invite her and SS--see what she says. If anything like the Girhippo, she would refuse to come thus showing the type of person she really is.

This situation is very King Solomonesque aka the women fighting over the baby.

So having lived through a

So having lived through a category 5 hurricane I would take my bitch of a BM and anyone else that I could fit in the car. Sometimes when it is humans versus the apocalypse. I choose humans.

At this point, evacuation is

At this point, evacuation is almost as dangerous as staying put. Not sure if anyone has evacuated before. It is not for the faint of heart. LOL. BTDT.

People are pulling guns on each other at gas stations, fighting over food, cars, busses, hotel rooms. It can be totally dangerous and crazy.

I completely recommend having an RV just for this type of situation.

I get her DH, I really do. BUUUT…when is he going to put a stop to this? BM is obviously a crazy loon but DH keeps playing into it. He really needs to just remarry her until the skid is much older.

Having evacuated myself in

Having evacuated myself in the past due to a hurricane, I can say it has it's own dangers. People run out of gas and are stuck on the side of the road. I remember a number of years back leaving Jacksonville, FL and it took 26 hours to get to Atlanta, GA. I was literally nodding off behind the wheel. I wished at that time that someone was with me to take turns driving. It was scary but I didn't want to be alone on the side of the road. Consider a shelter.

Please be safe Laney.

I would swallow my pride. If

I would swallow my pride. If you can make the argument that he should love you enough to go with you and your child, then it would stand to reason that you should love your DH enough not to make him choose. Two way street girlfriend, sometimes you give, sometimes you take-sometimes it's not easy but you still have to do it.

you know, after I really sit

you know, after I really sit back and really think about "if this was me" I have to agree. I loathe both of my BM's both are worthless POS, however, I don't think I could live with myself if I did not offer to help and my DH stayed behind and something happened to him (or all of them) or even if he "chose" me and something happened to BM and/or skid. Certainly my DH would blame me for not being compassionate during a time of crisis and would most likely end in divorce anyway. Ugh. Just a bad situation no matter what.

I agree. I know OP's DH

I agree.

I know OP's DH asked if BM & SS could go with them, but what if BM did not WANT to?

At that point I would 100%

At that point I would 100% take my chances with kidnapping charges. I would record my offering BM to go with us, pick up my kid and leave if she refused.

I get what you are saying

I get what you are saying Daisy and agree to a point. But when does this DH step up and say no more? This BM is choosing to do this just to get the DH by her side and not OPs. She has done it before and will do it again. At what point does DH pick his wife over BM?

I could have a little more compassion if say this was an earthquake that happened and everyone had to leave immediate or it was life and death. But there is notice here and BM is creating this issue. I would bet any amount of money that she can evacuate but she won’t because she knows OPs DH will be by HER side and not OPS side.

When does DH put an end to this nonsense? OP…surely you have 2 cars. Tell DH to have BM take one and get out of town.

DH & I have already discussed

DH & I have already discussed what we would do in terms of a natural disaster (since we're also preppers). If the kids are with us, we all go up to our bug-out. If the older kids are with BM, I go to bug-out with the little ones asap and DH stays to get the older two to safety. If that means BM comes along, so be it. I wouldn't leave BS5 behind if he was with my parents when something happened - I wouldn't ask DH to leave his kids behind. And I trust my parents to get to safety a LOT more than I trust BM to get the kids to safety.

Unfortunately there is only so much you can do when it comes to divorced parents. I don't know how I'd react at this point. As others have said, the evacuation routes are clogged and may be just as dangerous as the shelter. Prayers for safety for everyone. You all just have to do what you think is best.

My cousin and her boyfriend own a small organic farm in Polk county. They are planning to ride it out because they don't want to leave their livestock (over 150 animals) behind. She thinks they'll be safe enough because of how far inland they are, but I still worry. And my cousin in the Naples area is refusing to leave - says his friends told him it's more dangerous to leave now than to stay. All I can do now is pray. And I am.

Yep, I have 3 friends in

Yep, I have 3 friends in Volusia County (Daytona Beach) and 1 in Indian River County (Vero Beach) who are ALL staying. They feel it's more dangerous to get out on the roads, than it is to hunker down and stay. This is not Florida's first rodeo with a hurricane, they know what to do, how to prepare and pray and hope for the best.

The only problem is that my

The only problem is that my cousins were all Wisconsin born & raised. Wouldn't blink for a blizzard, but the cousin in Naples has lived in Florida for less than a year. I just hope his friends are sticking with him so he doesn't forget anything important.

Be safe.

I just want to say that I

I just want to say that I don't care what the situation were, there is no way in hell I would get into a car with BM. This is a woman who has told her children she wishes they were never born, physically attacks people, and threatened to kill me. That doesn't make me a bad person, that makes me smart.

I'd take SO's second ex-wife, though. And both of my idiot exes if they needed a ride.

Same... If I lived in

Same...

If I lived in Florida, and IF Medusa had the skids, and IF she refused to safely evacuate them and IF DH and I were evacuating, there is NO WAY I would spend one second of time with her....

Nope - I am NOT her keeper. Neither is my husband.

I love my children more then

I love my children more then I hate dh's ex. If it meant taking a her with us, in order to have my children have their father with them, then that is what I would do. I would make the ride as uncomfortable as possible for her though.

It seems to me that she is willing to go with you all. You are the one that is making your dh choose. Basically you are telling him that you don't give a crap what happens to his kid in a literally life and death situation because you don't want his ex there.

In the future, after you divorce, would you let your son with his dad and his new lady, meaning you would be all your self.

However this goes down,

However this goes down, prayers for all involved in this evacuation. Terrible situation, terrible BM for refusing to stop the power manipulation even during force majure / Acts of God events like this hurricane. Be safe!

Do not drive west, drive

Do not drive west, drive north. the storm is going to head west through GA towards Altanta. Head north to charlotte/VA.

I am with you, if my DH gave into this manipulation and did not come with me, divorce would happen as soon as the storm ends.

Best to you and stay safe.

I have been thru FOUR

I have been thru FOUR hurricanes (including Katrina) and other natural disasters ranging from tornadoes, and ice storms to earthquakes.

I think her DH is being a TOTAL ASS. The ex wife and child in a shelter are way more safe than a person evacuating with a toddler. A person evacuating unless it is done 4-5 days early is in way more danger.

Evacuation dangers:
Violence on the road by others - do not underestimate what others will do to survive.
No gas.
Being stranded on the freeway or in a small community.
Sleeping on the floor at a school with total strangers.
No food, water or bathroom access.
No a/c because one is about to run out of gas.

The Katrina shelters were truly horrid - but that is not the case now. Houston shelters had food, water, toys, and most importantly safety precautions.

My DH and I are now in Florida. We have chosen to shelter in place because that is far superior to taking our chances on the road trying to evacuate.

OP's DH has made the decision to support BM and his first child who are in a shelter with backup support services while he sends his wife and other child off to totally fend for themselves with no support. Ahole.

"this is not Sister

"this is not Sister Wives!"

For real, and only in stepworld is it seen as remotely ok that a woman and her baby drive off alone into the wild blue yonder to fend for herself while her husband shelters w/his ex wife and teenage son (someone said he was 14 right?). What the hell was he thinking?! OP gave no response so DH automatically runs to BM...wow. Yes he is showing you who his priority is.

I hope you all make it through this safety.

No way I'm going to be

No way I'm going to be separated from my hubs. Swallow your pride and go pick the bitch up.

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