Am I evil?
My skids live with us all the time. They are 14, 15, and 17. (We also have a son who is 8.) They are supposed to see their BM EOW.
Am I evil for wanting to them to be gone? BM changed plans with SD17 at the last minute without consulting DH, so BM just took SD and left the boys here. I commented to DH it wasn't fair for her to reschedule my weekend without our permission. And he gets all pissy, "She's crazy. I don't want them there, it's better they didn't go..."
I said I didn't think it was fair and that there is nothing wrong with me wanting "my time" just him, me and our son. "I don't want them there, and you need to deal with it," and he stormed out.
What about me? What about my space, and my quiet time? God, it was so easy when they were little. I did rejoice when BM decided she wasn't taking a weekend. I knew they were easier to deal with without her influence, I felt it would keep them from being like her.
But I guess you can't fight genetics. They're just like her. And now that they are older, I want her to have to deal with that, and see what she's done. I want 2 weekends a month- 4 days when I can gaurantee my husband is focused on me. (And my son, of course- but DH still manages to find time to be with him even when the skids are around.)
Is that so wrong?
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thats what is hard about
thats what is hard about having full custody....she has the right to refuse visitation prior notice (since BM is the NCP).
You can't refuse to send them to her but she can refuse to take them.
It is not wrong to want time with just "your" family, we all do. But don't forget DH has no choice but to deal with this too,you both are in the same boat.
No you are not wrong for
No you are not wrong for wanting BM to be held accountable for having had her children. What does "She's crazy," mean? Is she really crazy, or just too lazy to raise her children? I also have my SS 24/7 and gets to be very overwhelming that I have all the responsibility while BM has all the fun. I would suggest taking some scheduled time and do something for yourself every week. Me time especially has to be a priority when DH and BM have decided that you are going to be a full time stepmother. It is only natural to need a break. Take one whether he feels you should want one or not.
"There comes a time when you have to surrender the idea of what your children could be to the reality of who they are."
She is diagnosed Bi-Polar,
She is diagnosed Bi-Polar, Borderline Personality Disorder, ADHD... You name it, she has it..
"I HAD to pick the road less traveled..."
HI there, its not wrong
HI there, its not wrong except that you are putting DH in a bad position. He can't send them off with the devil and have a clear conscience about it and he knows he is disappointing you...The kids are older now and they will all be 18 in the next couple of years it seems. Just hold on and be strong. You and DH will have plenty of alone time if you can hang in there. If you can't leave his kids alone at your house, get a sitter and you and DH go out to dinner one eve. If you get some time with him alone you may not feel so resentful...at least that is what works for my drama.
"To win one's joy through struggle is better than to yield to melancholy"- Andre Gide