Here a Question.
Speaking of all we do for our SC's, where is the BM when things go bad? My youngest SS was really sick 2 days ago and I, as the SM, was the one to check his fever, give him medicine, run his bath water, clean up his puke, wash the items he vomitted on and stay up half the night worring that he would be okay. The BM, of course, wouldn't have a thing to do with it. The SS wanted to talk to his great grandparents (her grandparents) and tell them how felt and her response was, "thank god I didn;t have to deal with it." Excuse me? These are your children, as you so often remind me, and yet you want nothing do with them unless you can somehow use them to your advantage. What a sick, twisted B**ch. Now if I were to ask a judge if I could have a few rights, he would laugh me out of his courtroom, all the while explaining my RESPONIBILITIES. I MUST care for them, I MUST feed them, I MUST provide a house, clothing, DR. appts, I MUST NOT get on to them in any real way without first consulting the BM, I MUST allow the BM to know where they and what they are doing at any given moment. Please. It never has, and never will, happen that way. They live in our house. I'll be dammned if they are going to act like brats because the LAW expects us to allow the BM and BD to handle it instead. My H is gone a week at a time for his job. The BM refuses to step up and be a parent. I have a son of my own. I am NOT going to explain to him why his half brothers can run over me and have no respect but he does have to behave. I am not going to call the BM everytime I am stepping foot outside of my house with the children letting her know every move I make. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
Has anyone else been here?
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Amen sister!
Preach on!
Oh yes!
The sheer number of double-standards that exist between BM vs. SM are astounding. For example: BM is allowed to share with me whatever she wants about her past with BF or things that they say to each other, even things that occur in court or with her attorneys...but if BF tells me any of these things and she finds out, she freaks out. Somehow she has the right to tell me all about the situation but he's not allowed to. Or, rather, I'm allowed to know her version of the truth but not his!
BM is allowed to initiate conversation with both of us, and hell will reign down on us if we don't respond. But if we have something that we honest-to-goodness NEED to speak about with her, she makes it damn near impossible to do so. She pulls the "BF is never available when I NEED to talk to him so why should I go out of my way to talk to him when he NEEDS to?" The thing is she would call 10 or 15 times a day and gripe that he didn't answer the phone fast enough or return her messages to her satisfaction, then withold communication for weeks when BF had something that he genuinely needed to talk about on the premise that he wasn't cooperating with her!
And she has this thing where if you don't volunteer information about something, you're lying. She sent me this email saying that I needed to "own up" to things and be a "responsible, mature adult and admit" to things I was doing. She asked why I didn't just admit that BF and I were living together or that I took part in visitations. Why didn't I just stop lying about my relationship with BF. The fact of the matter is that I never spoke to this woman to be able to lie to her or be evasive about these topics, and there is no reason why I would be. She wanted to be TOLD these things though she already knew them. I don't understand it because even after confirming them time and again she still complained that I was lying to her and not admitting to the truth. I told her that the fact that I didn't run to her volunteering all of this information that she wanted (not needed, wanted) didn't make me a liar, immature, childish or irresponsible. Why is it that she is allowed to do all of these vindictive things behind our backs to spite us and make our lives hell, but yet somehow has the right to bitch that we don't run to her and give updates on every move we make? How is it that she is allowed to hide information or even openly lie about things, but then demand that we open our entire lives up to her to be picked through with a fine-toothed comb?
I could go on and on. This really is an interesting subject! Thanks for bringing it up!
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
NOT
BM has NO say so on what goes on in my house. Believe me I get on my darling (sarcastic) Skids all of the time. I am not allowing anyone to tell me what I am or I am not going to do and I am way too old to be checking in and out with BM. Ok BD has to feed and clothe them. I told my SKIDS just this week I will make them oatmeal (it is good for them) and buy their clothes at the local Salvation Army. I don't have to do anything I don't want to do. Don't let BM and the Skids push you around. I choose not to communicate at all with BM because she is such a bitch. The way I see it the court order is between BF and BM. My name is not on anything saying I have to do a thing.
You said it
I am in total agreement with both of you ladies.
Nymh, the things you wrote about could describe the BM in my case to a T. I choose not to tell her anyway. What's the point? She's going to bitch no matter what she is told.
Cruella, I have pulled those moves as well and went through with them. I have even went so far as to let them know that, by law, all I have to do is have bread (for food) water (for drink) clothes (from garage sales and like you, thrift stores) and a tent in the back yard (for a roof over their heads. It really upset them because we have the means to buy them nice things but I refuse to spoil already rotten little brats just to save a few rude comments. I am not a puppet on a string and that goes for all of us SM's and the sooner the BM's, the SK's and in some cases the BD realize this, the better it will be all around. Love all my kids.