I don't think your home is a good environment for SS. You've made it abundantly clear how much you can't stand this little boy here on this board. I wouldn't lift a finger to change the situation, because no matter how much your husband loves SS, it's not going to make up for how you feel about him, so why take him away from where he's happy any more than visitation dictates. This is not about what your husband wants, it is about what is best for SS, and that is not to be around someone who hates him on a regular basis.

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

Hi! well, from my experience here is what I can tell you. My H's ex took H to court over the fact that I (SM) was going to be alone with the two skids for about 15 minutes when they got off the school bus before H got home from work. Ridiculous I know, but the court decided that for up to four hours the parent who had the kids at the time could arrange for alternative care with whomever they deemed fit. however, after four consecutive hours the parent has to offer the other parent what is called "the right of first refusal". and give them the opportunity to have them. If they say no, then the parent can have whoever they want watch them. My understanding is that this is a pretty common ruling nowdays, so if your H really wanted to he could go drop a few thousand $ on lawyer and court fees and get this ruling put into place. The unfortunate thing about that though is that you would then have to put up with your ss more which who really wants?
I too have a situation where BM has a ton of family local and my husband has none. The skids think that her family is their real family and my H is just an after thought. It is heartbreaking really b/c my H is such a wonderful and loving father. Figures right.
Hope that helps!

I don't think its considered neglect unless the kid isn't being taken care of...as in fed, clothed, shelter, etc. I am pretty sure the courts wouldn't do anything about it. He can try to go for 50/50 custody or more visitation time, and use the fact that he always at grandmas anyway as one of his reasons, but I think he'd have to fight for more custody himself, the courts would just tell him he can't dictate where BMs sends him on her time.

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"

If your SS spent more time at your home, WHO exactly would be caring for him- you or your DH?

My DH says all the time that he would just LOVE to have the girls more often. Oh yeah, that's terrific in THEORY. But here's what is boils down to in REALITY (where I live)...

DH has a demanding job (he's a partner in a law firm) so he works a TON of hours at the office. Then he comes home and goes upstairs to our home office and works until the wee hours of the morning (conference calls to China, writing briefs, emails at all hours of the night). It's just unending.

So guess who gets the 'pleasure' of playing 'parent' when the girls are here- cooking for them, driving them, cleaning up after them, etc? That's right- ME! So while while they might physically be here more often, I end up doing the lion's share of the work. Nice.

And if I'm not too pleased with them, as I know you are NOT, Laura, it won't go over too well!

So if your DH wants to have custody of SS more often and wants to fight for it, I'd say to him, "That's great, Sweetheart, but YOU need to be the one who is going to be here to take care of him when he's here all that extra time!"

Because other than that scenario, I just don't see it working for you. You've already clearly expressed your frustration and resentment with this child just having him with you on an EOW basis. Having him more at this point will not be good for your emotional well-being.

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis

LH - please be glad you only have him EOW and don't try for anything more. Believe me it will only be more diffcult to deal with.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

You are under such stress! You have a NEW BABY (well, not so "new", but he's probably changing and doing all kinds of new things every minute), it's your new little guy's FIRST CHRISTMAS, and I can only imagine how you're knocking yourself out.

PLUS, you have the added stress of trying to be a good stepmother to another child who, obviously, has a completely different view of "motherhood" than do you.

GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK!! You are doing a wonderful job; we are ALL HUMAN, we all make "mistakes". You can't expect to be "super stepmom" 24/7 when you have your OWN stresses to deal with.

Take same time to worry about Laura!!

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt