BWAH HA HA. I am evil.
I commented on somebody else's post, and I go to thinking...Are any of these rules (see below) insane and downright cruel? Because according to SS9 they are, and apparently his BM and NANNA!(BMs mom [DH parents are deceased]) agree b/c they do anything they can to keep precious baby SS9 away from evil DH and myself.
1. Wash yourself, preferably on a daily basis.
2. Clean your room, and clean up after yourself in general.
3. Bedtime is 9p.m. On the weekends (which it always is) you don't have to go to sleep right away, you can watch a movie, but you ARE going to bed at 9 p.m.
That's it. He continues to voice the opinion that he doesn't like to be here b/c we make him do stuff.
He tells me that he does not like our house because he doesn't have cable in his room. Then, in the very same breath, he tells me that he has cable in his bedroom at BM's and he doesn't EVER fall asleep until after midnight. Then, he recites the whole Nick-at-Nite lineup. (He loves the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, by the way). WHY would you let your 9-year-old kid stay up until after midnite on school nights???
I am NOT trying to be the biggest biotch of a stepmom in the world, but how am I supposed to contend with Rule-FREE BM and spoil-tastic NANNA!? DH and I have our BS1, and I will NOT have him with a half-brother who just gets to do whatever he wants, and therefore I cannot simply choose to "disengage" from the situation. I mean, I realize I can only even attempt to control his behavior at my house...but WOW. I am SO GLAD there is a 7.5 year age difference between these two...Can you imagine?
For example, SS9 got to miss 3 days of school (ALREADY!) b/c he went to the beach with NANNA!. How would I explain that to BS...I imagine it would go something like this...
BS: Mommy, why is brother going on vacation AGAIN? We have never been to the beach in my whole life....He has already missed 3 days of school this year...
ME: Umm...well...since brother has a different mommy...they just...ummm...have different rules...
BS: Well I wish I lived with brother's mommy then too so I can go to the beach and stay up until midnight!!!
ME: Well, BS, I love you very much and I want you to grow up to be a man with values and ...
BS: Well, can't you at least take me to the beach? We can go to the beach too, can't we Mommy? When I am out of school? If I am really good?
ME: Umm...well...I would love to, but we have to pay a lot of money to Brother's Mommy every month...so we can't really afford it...
Okay, Okay, I AM KIDDING on that last part!! I would never ever say anything like that to BS!! Probably. 
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if you're
super duper lucky maybe the spoiled brat will stay at BM's more often and you won't have to deal with him...... that's what i hope for -- in fact, that's part of what keeps me going....... as for cable in the room --- my skids didn't have cable in their room until i entered the picture ---- i figured it would keep them out of my sight more --- and it worked!
The worst part of it all is
The worst part of it all is that he is usually very well-behaved. Spoiled rotten but outwardly well behaved. But it's not HARD to be GOOD when NO ONE is asking ANYTHING of you. You know? The only signs that he is, in fact, not perfect, appear when we ask him to clean his room or something like that. He doesn't throw a fit. He's much creepier than that. He just doesn't come around again for a little bit. Finds ways to manipulate his BM into keeping him from coming over here...Hard to explain.
LauraHelton - I think this is where I may get myself in trouble.
This is one of those situations where I would tell SS the truth and let the chips fall where they may for BM and Nana. I have done it over here. And I could be accused of PAS, but at this point, the child's well being trumps over the stupidity of BM and Nana.
For example, when SS is complaining that he falls asleep past midnight at BM's, that's when I would be saying, well, we have you go to bed over here at 9:00pm because you are GROWING and you like to play (fill in the blank, let's say football...) You like to play football, right? Well, we want you to get lots of rest so you can be big and strong like ... Or You want to be big and strong like Will Smith!!! And then I'd tell him, The Fresh Prince is on all the time so WE JUST THINK IT'S HEALTHIER... it would be BETTER FOR YOU to get some sleep. Don't you get tired during the day when you stay up? (And try to ask it non-judgmentally, just like any other question.) Or... You know, I try to stay up late and then I get REALLY tired!!! Don't you? He's little, so try to talk to him on his level. I have said to SD when she was younger.. You know, when I do that, I get really tired and cranky and I don't want to do anything. Does that ever happen to you? And then you almost coerce them into thinking it's their idea to do what's better for them.
Don't try to even compete with their stupid "my house is better than your house". I'm sneaky and I put in things about how important it is for HIM with logic and reason HE CAN UNDERSTAND. Not the whole, Because It's Our House and These Are Our Rules.
Does any of that make sense?
Good luck. I know that he's testing you, but in the end, he will thank you if you can just find the way to get to his reasoning. I know this because SD over here, when she used to buck me, now says things like... "Why do you think mom never said this to me"?
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
Stick
You know I always love your comments!! You are right!!
I actually did use that on him. I said,"Well, why do you think we make you clean your room? Is it because we like to watch you suffer?"
And he slowly (light bulb over the head moment) was able to verbalize reasons why a parent would make their child clean their room. I even got him to agree that we wouldn't be very good parents if we never asked him to do ANYTHING. How we were trying to teach him to grow up and be a big strong man who could take care of himself and his family someday.
The thing is, even with the knowledge.....it's still all just USELESS. He still doesn't want to be at the house where they make him clean, and I use the term "clean" loosely, as that evokes images of a child scrubbing tile kitchen floors on his knees, and this is NOT the case.
When SS9 went to the beach a couple of weeks ago and missed school, they text messaged us a pic of him. In the pic, he had fallen asleep at the dinner table. This, at first, might sound innocent enough, but armed with the knowledge that the kid has NO BEDTIME---THIS IS NOT A CUTE PICTURE!! It is a sad and desperate plea for BOUNDARIES you idiots!!! It would be cute if he were TWO!!! Not a FOURTH GRADER!!! Again, I suppose being out in the sun at the beach all day can make a little one extra tired, but REALLY?! WHY CAN'T THEY SEE THIS IS CRAP??
There is a HUGE need for a Supernanny/Nanny 911 show for STEP FAMILIES.
3 rules...how hateful can
3 rules...how hateful can you be??? hahaha I can't believe you would want to try to instill values in a child that is in your house! If BM doesn't want to help raise a responsible child then you have at it! It's your house and like you said, you have a 1 year old that sees everything that happens in your house. Stick to your guns and keep the rules!! Good for you!!
Step Families Super Nanny!!
You better trademark that idea!!! It would be a KILLER show!
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
OMG!! I read that last part
OMG!! I read that last part and thought "WTF?? Why would you say that to a child?" LOL!!
Good job sticking to the rules, I find it hard to explain simple things to BS3. Like "SD got balloons!??" (valentines day) well sd got ballons from BM sent to our house, BS was in tears about it. It is hard but you have to do what you normally would with your kids. It isn't a competion--I am glad you realize it.
Evil, pure evil
What a horrible parent you are! Imagine the cruelty of wanting your kid to have basic hygiene and structure? Haha, your son will look back on his childhood and thank his lucky stars that he had such a great mom, who loved him enough to raise him the right way. His brother is missing out and it's sad that he has such a crappy mom. Good for you! Hopefully your influence will rub off on the skid even if he's getting away with murder and his mom is using cs to do it.
BTW. LauraHelton331, YES!!!! I would love to see a Supernanny type show for stepfamilies!!!!! If only they could send in a SWAT team style Supernanny to all the BM's homes, where most of the problems lie!
"A lot of people are afraid to tell the truth. That’s where toughness comes into play. Toughness isn’t being a bully, it’s having a backbone.” ~Robert Kiyosaki