I dont know how to say no
Aand the day has come again. BM tolld fiancee at pick up to keep ss monday- tuesday , no discussion before friday, I have school 4 days, 5 classes and 2 person labs on tuesday and thursday, I told him i could Monday, I do not even take care of my own baby wen I have school my mom does, I wont be able to make him lunch we dont have the same break time Ill need to miss my online lab to make him lunch etc I have classes back to back 9-2. My mom will probably help me but she does not like taking care of children who are not blod relaatives plus he has no manners and has mocked my mom before when she was nice to him, she said she wont take care of him. Tueday I cant so fiancee is dropping him off at his dads. She just called saying she will move out of her apt she lives with her sister so she will have no help, and she wants us to have him friday-mon, and her dad 1 day that means she has him 2 days, wtf is that, she doesnt even care for her son, her sister does and she still asks for the 300 dollar child support we are struggling, and last year he moved in with us we got no child support , I took care of a bratty child pregnant, seizures, no break from him. We want to save money for a house so I want to oblige and endure this adhd child, but I have been down this road, I am disengaged, and I do not want to be taken advantage of again while she has no worries, honestly f her. advice please, I also told him i wont be doing any caring jan when in class classes start.
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One thing that can be changed
One thing that can be changed, is not continuing to overpay on child support. Getting a new CO to reflect the current reality will take care of that. Maybe she will change her mind of ahe knows she won't be paid to *not* take care of her kid? Then your SO can use the money he isn't paying her to hire child care. Idk how bad your SS's behavior is, but i don't blame your mom for not wanting to take care of a child with behavior problems who isn't related. You aren't wrong.
You say you are disengaged -
You say you are disengaged - it doesn't seem that way. You have absolutely no obligation whatsoever, to babysit your fiance's child, the BM's circumstances have no bearing on this at all. If his father can't take care of him then he should find paid childcare. If he is paying CS when he shouldn't be, then more fool him, he should get it sorted out. It sounds as if he favours passing on his responsibilities to you - do not allow this! And whatever you do, don't marry him until such time as you feel happy with all the arrangements.
Sounds like it's your SO who
Sounds like it's your SO who has trouble saying no - to BM. If she can't watch SS, why does it fall on your SO to do it? If you keep helping, he won't learn to say no to her.
You have a baby and haven't
You have a baby and haven't married your SO yet- so I am making a BIG assumption that you are waiting because you are in school and there are more grants available for a single mother than when you are married and have his income.
If that is the case, your SS is going to be a part of your family. Some people talk about blood relatives and all that- for my family, I refuse to accept that. Thankfully my parents don't see my SS's as something separate from my family and neither to my in-laws.
On the other hand your mom is doing you a favor by keeping the baby for your education, she did not sign up to take SS too. That is her right. I don't blame her one bit.
Your SO is the one who needs to deal with BM and saying no. Either BM agrees to grant custody to him and they go to court and OFFICIALLY stop CS or BM needs to figure it out.
My parents
my parents tried to but he didn’t want to be we just straight disrespectful and he kicked my dog because he likes little kids after that they were done and they aren’t a fan of my fiancée because him and his bm can’t manage and care for their own kid . Even both my parent couldn’t care for me I was at safekey or boys and girls club not duping hildcare on whoever was there, he’s too good for safekey .
He is too good for childcare
He is too good for childcare centers? Sounds like they need to hire a reliable nanny and stop dumping the kid.
Also, is that really the only reason your parents don't like him? Or do they see even more that you aren't right now?
No
Hes rude alll my work goes down the drain withhim due to his parents not being consistent they dont like the way he acts but it is not their obligation to since hes not their grandson yes, my dad tried to teach him baseball and play with him and he just said no to everything, mocks people, has no manners needs to be told things 100 times, he kicked my dog when my dog was being kind to him just sniffing him, and he demands things, doesnt ask, says wheres my food. He talks back to anyone. I did say no i yoldd him I am not making his mothers life easy for her or for fiancee, I also just got an online job today
Additionally
I also know that this can break fiancee and I up and im ready for it, if he doesnt like that they need to take care of their child then Im done, and I'll be okay either way with my baby. I did not lay down and create ss, they should e parents i should not care more than the parents.
Yes, exactly. If BM can't
Yes, exactly. If BM can't watch SS, then she should ask DH if he can, but if HE can't (not you), then she should find her own sitter. Why does he agree to take him and then find someone to watch him? That's not how it works.
It's not your child, you have plenty on your plate already with a baby and school.
As your fiance does not
As your fiance does not listen to you, you need to take action rather than just say no and then have you (and your mom) feel obligated to look after ss when your fiance ignores you.
Talk to your mom and see if you and the baby can work at her house on the days when you need quiet and need to be away from your ss. Tell your fiance that you will be out and not available to look after his son. He needs to arrange care. Leave the house before your fiance leaves for work on the days you will be at your mom's house.
The other option is to drive your ss to your fiance's workplace and leave him there if your fiance ignores you when you tell him that you cannot care for his son.