I'm a big believer in saying please, even to children. If you don't say please when you tell/ask them to do things, they won't say it when they need to ask you for something. 

"Please take out the trash" is a hundred times better than "Take out the trash!" I don't think you need to make it a question, but saying please is just being decent. Manners shouldnt be suspended just because they are kids. Kids who are shown manners show manners. Kids who don't ...don't. Without saying please, it just sounds like you are barking out orders. 

  I have always said things like … “will you go clean your room” or “will you load the dishes”.  It is known that it is not really a request but it just sounds better and more respectful to add the “will” when speaking to anyone.  Even kids and skids.

  I have never just commanded my kids to do things.  And NEVER a skid.  But they know when I “ask”, it is not really saying “hey, you have a choice of doing this or not” They know it is required they do it.

 I don’t see the big deal in being able to just say “will you”.    

There is no right or wrong here, it all depends on what you're used to. Your kids are used to being told, your skids are used to being asked. Nothing wrong with either of your ways

I'm more like your dh in that I'll say "DD1, would you doXYZ, please?" There is no doubt in DD's mind that she has no choice in the matter and that what I asked her to do has to be done. She's just used to being spoken to like that. OTOH, if she forgets to do it (and goodness knows, with a teen brain it does happen) I'll repeat the request. On the extremely rare occasions that she has either taken too much time or has "forgotten" again (heh - you can forget once, not twice), it becomes an order. "You will do XYZ and you will do it NOW!" 

I was raised by parents who said 'please'. Please go do the dishes. Please go help your sister. Will you please come here? 

However, my parents were YUGE believers in that a child should be told/asked ONCE. Then 'please' went out the window. They'd already told/asked nicely once and we were expected to obey IMMEDIATELY. If we were foolish enough to not comply, we were then told, "Go help your sister NOW. I won't tell you again."

After the chore/task was complete, we were thanked. If it was a long task, one of them would check on us, and possibly say "you're doing a good job".

HOWEVER, please was not used for chores. "It's trash day." "Here's your portion of the shopping list." "Time to paint the fence."

My two cents, for what it's worth. 

I always start with "Could you please pick up your toys?"  I don't think the kids view it as a question; I'm just telling them to do it politely.  If the toys don't get picked up within a reasonable time, they get a "you need to pick up the toys NOW."

My SO is trying to instill politeness in his kids so that it becomes automatic. We try to model politeness.  There are times when I'd prefer to say "Pick up the god damned toys before I beat you," but if I did you can guess what behavior of mine they'd immediately pick up.

I say things like, "SS, please set the table."  I am not asking him to do it.  I am telling him to do it.  BUT, I am saying please.

I believe in telling in a nice way but I’m not going to ask any kid to do something they should be doing anyway! I’m not going to ask to clean their room or pick up after themselves, but I might ask if they want to go to the store with me! That’s about the extent of it. 

This might be a cultural issue - and there are different cultures in different families even if you grew up in the same household. 

I don't ever ask if it's a normal chore. If it's an extra job I ask. My stepkids will always say yes (their mom is a terror!) my son not so much - but then I tell my son to do it. I say "What I meant was... unload the dishwasher..." 

But I grew up in the South and live in England - two cultures who value politeness highly so there's that. 

What IS NOT OK is him getting on you in front of the kids. 

I'm always polite but firm:

SD12, could you set the table for dinner now?  SD12, don't forget to get your clothes out of the dryer.  This is for normal day to day stuff.

For special requests I'll throw in a please and/or a reason.  SD12, could you please get the tablecloth out of the cupboard, we're having guests for dinner.  SD12, please get me the hammer while I hold this in place.

And DH just HATES this kind of talk most of the time.

Me:  SD12, make sure you put your pajamas in the wash the next time you do laundry.

DH:  SD12, you may want to pur your pajamas into the laundry. Do you think they are looking dirty?  Do you think you will have time?  It might be good to think about doing that soon.

I was advised by more than one therapist of my son's not to phrase commands as questions. Adding please to a command is fine, but it still needs to be a direct statement instead of a question. 

One time I was in the kitchen with my new puppy and yelled "Sit!!" I heard DH laugh histerically in the living. The dog(we have 2 dogs), Ss6 and Ss12 were all sitting quietly on the couch. The puppy was sitting too. Lol !

I say please. To my DH, Skids and other ppl. And thank you. Was a manager for many years and it is amazing how that one word makes people more motivated. They feel more valued when you say please.

Every once in awhile SS12 will come home and try to watch me do chores.from the couch. lying down. Thats when the please is dropped and he knows I mean business.